SMEGGERMEGGIN' SMEG!

[` regret .]

MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON -------. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY FORESKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG.

THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SEEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

 

[monkat]

Cool story, brah

 

[Westside]

I hope you are joking, as this is EOF. If not, well... my friend had it worse, but he was a shameless motherfucker. He had conservative muslim parents. His mother would often cry and say "you're gonna get your right hand pregnant." He would never listen.

 

[Paarish]

 

[MelodieOctavia]

Did you died?

 

[` regret .]

STOP FUCKING AROUND YOU FUCKING PRICKS.
IT HURTS.

 

[monkat]

If you're serious, take a shower. It'll wash the chunks out. It'll probably sting for a bit until the non-ionized bits get flushed out physically.

 

[Jolan]

Wait. This is what happens, AND THE FIRST THING YOU DO I POST HERE?

umad?

 

[Paarish]

real or not, this is some funny shit

 

[sonknuck23]

Sounds like something you'd see on 4chizzle.

 

[mameks]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
/attempt at sympathy

Spoiler

 

[CannonFoddr]

When I read this I couldn't help thinking

Spoiler: My Penis on fire

But then I thought if this is actually real then

Spoiler: It must've been like this for him

 

[Sheimi]

 

[TLSS_N]

so uh, tell me again... when and where is your fathers surprise part going to go down?

 

[xalphax]

ouch.

 

[TLSS_N]

If you're serious, take a shower. It'll wash the chunks out. It'll probably sting for a bit until the non-ionized bits get flushed out physically.

why not join in on a regal bath?

 

[iYoshi-]

Read it before.

 

[BORTZ]

Wait. This is what happens, AND THE FIRST THING YOU DO I POST HERE?

umad?

Better than going to /B/. but not much more.

 

[mameks]

Wait...*googles*
...fucking 4channer

 

[` regret .]

Wait. This is what happens, AND THE FIRST THING YOU DO I POST HERE?

umad?

Better than going to /B/. but not much more.

What the fuck is a /B/?