Legend of Zelda: Faces of Evil Script


Well-Known Member
Aug 14, 2017
United States
Link (L): Gee, it sure is boring around here.
The King (K): My boy. This peace is what all warriors strive for.
L: I just wonder what Ganon is up to.
Gwonam: Your majesty. Ganon [gænʌn] and his minions have seized the islands of Koridai [kɔɹɪdaɪ̯].
K: Hmm... How can we help?
G: It is written: only Link can defeat Ganon.
L: Great! I'll grab my stuff!
G: There is no time; your sword is enough.
L: How about a kiss... For luck?
Zelda (Z): You've got to be kidding.
G: Squadila! [squa.dɪ.la] We're off!
L: Wow! What are all those heads?
G: These are the faces of evil. You must conquer each.
L: I guess I better get going.
G: Here! ...Is the map. Where do you wish to go?

Morshu: Lamp oil, rope, bombs? You want it? It's yours, my friend, as long as you have enough rubies.

Morshu: Sorry, Link. I can't give credit. Come back when you a little... Mmm. Richer!

Frozen women: Help! Ganon froze the fountain; I'm stuck!

FW: Here, have some Water of Life.
L: (Gulp, gulp, gulp!)
FW: My, you're thirsty! Oh my goodness!

Fisherman: Biggest crab I ever caught. Heh-heh!
L: It's a Goma!
Fisherman: Yeah, pretty good. Here!
L: Thanks!

Fisherman: Keep going, boy. You're doing real well. Once you get rid of Ganon, we can get back to fishing.

Fish Lady: Dairas [daɪras] came straight from the crater 'ill I boarded the vent. Used a skull for a latch and not one Dairas figured it out.

Ipo: I am the reader Ipo [aɪ.poʊ]. If you bring me the book of Koridai, I will gladly read the secret verse.

Fat (seductive) woman: You're not afraid of dragons. Are you?
L: (Gulp.) Of course not.
Fat woman: Then get my necklace back from Gleeok [gli.ɑk]. Okay? Pretty please?

Old (yellow coat) man: It's [dɛθs] mighty dark with all the evil about. Keep this lantern full. It will light your way.
L: Thanks!

Old man: Not many left, Link. There's Druick [druɪ̩k] 'round the side of Glutko [glʌt.goʊ]. Aye.

G: Look! What has happened!
Ganon: In the darkest nightmare hour, when the moon nor sun has risen, I take Zelda in my power. I shall keep her in my prison.

Ganon: Join me, Link! And I will make your face greatest in Koridai or else you will die!

Ganon: No! Not into the pit! It burns!

Fairy 1: You're doing great, Link!
Fairy 2: You're our hero.
F1: Here's a Life Heart.
F2: We know you can beat Ganon.

F1: You're doing great, Link!
F2: You're our hero.
F1: Here's some Water of Life.
F2: Drink, Link!

Old (ugly) witch: I may be old and ugly, but, I still know a few tricks! Bring some grapple-berries. I'll show you a good one.

Old witch: Stir the berries in the tub. Let the juices soak the glove. Let Link fight and gather cower. For his glove's a glove of power.
L: Wow! Thanks!

Fat woman: How sweet. (Kisses) Muah. My husband gave me this. He's an [abɒmɪnʌm][?] now. Here. It's not much, but, it will still carry water.

Ice queen: Before you face the foul fiend Ganon, you must conquer Fortress Centrum [sɛn.trʌm]. Treasure of death is hidden. Bring it to me. Be gone.

IQ: This shield, both sword and spear deflects, but, cannot stop the villainous curse. This crystal makes the shield reflect cursing the curser with twice the curse.

G: Look! And see Goronu.
Goronu: Wake up, sleepy bones. I'm the living anti cut ner vial throats. Bwuh-ha-ha...

Goronu: I may be hideous, but, after a year of being frozen, you will beg to join me.

L: Hey, Zelda. Wake up!
Goronu [goroʊnu]: What? Link? You saved me!

Goronu: You can't kill me! No, no, no...!

G: See how Harliquin [harlɪkwɪn] capture Koridians?
Computer: You lose.
Koridian: (Sniffles)
Harliquin: Do you know what it means when lose your last ruby?! (Snort.) Now you will work for me! (Snort.) Take him away! (Snort.)

Harliquin: I say your chances are a million to none, but, let's have fun! Anyway!

Harliquin: Now you see me. Now you don't!

Harliquin: Ah! Ah-ha... Lucky shot...
L: Golly!

Astronomer: The stars are made of ice. Thus, the night is cold. Bring the crystal from Sairagon [sɛrɑgɔn] and I will prove the light of ice penetrate more than fire.

Astronomer: Now, if we make a simple vacuum and spin the ice just so. There!

G: Look! ...How Militron [mɪlɪtrɒn] makes his warriors.
Militron: Worthless Koridian. You must be hardened with fire! Go and kill!

Militron: Feel the fire of war!

Militron: Now, you must die!

Militron: Oh my goodness! This is awful!

Fat Girl: My hero! (Kiss) Won't you
L: Oh, God...
FG: ---please jump across that lil' old chasm---
L: Yuck...
FG: ---and cut my daddy's chains? Pretty please? Have a heart.

Smith: Please, Link. Jump and cut these chains. The Arpagos [ɑrpagʌs] are driving me crazy.

Smith: Thanks. Say, you have a Fire Diamond, don't you?
L: Sure!
Smith: Then let me fix your sword. Let's see how it works.
L: Wow!

Beer guy: What are you're havin' partner? [pɑrt.ə]
L: I'm going to fight Glutko.
BG: Don't fight him; feed him! (Snort.) Feed him something spicy! Know what I mean?

G: Through the eye of Glutko lies the shrine of Koridai.
Glutko: Awm-yee. I'm simply famished.
Koridian: No!
Glutko: Mmm. Tastes like a Daira [daɪra]! Perhaps just one more?

Glutko: Good goodie! Mashed Link for the main course.

Glutko: Wuh-oh!

Ipo: Listen! Such is the power of the prince of darkness that he can kill with a single look. Attacks against Ganon will prove fruitless unless Link attacks with the sacred book.

G: Consider Lupay [lupeɪ], the most of Ganon's minions.
Lupay: With this ruby, I replace your soul. You will obey.
Koridan: Ah-woo-ooh... Aw-woo-ooh.

Lupay: I spy with my eye, someone who must die.

Lupay: I will not die! Ah-woo...

G: At last, you have the vision to find my house! Now, you will see the [sæn.kɹu.mis] that prevent your approach to Ganon. Go, with many blessings!

Z: Uh. Why'd you do that?
L: I just saved you from Ganon!
Z: You did not!
G: Well done, Link! Ganon is once again imprisoned. Come, look! Already Koridai is returing to harmony. The birds are singing. Is it beatiful?
L: Golly!
G: As it written, you, Link, are the hero of Koridai!
L: I guess that's worth a kiss? Huh?
Z: Ha!
L: I won!

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