hey guys. i am currently starting on my college essay and i am writing about how moving to another country greatly changed my life, but cant think of a good opener that would grab the attention of my reader. Any ideas?
Leave introduction to the last. It is always easy to start writing in the middle.
"Many people talk and dream of wanting to start a new life, with all of their prior experiences behind them and their past knowledge with them, but they are often held back, tied to their current presence by many a circumstance. Some, however, are able to cut their ties, knowing that the road ahead of them holds a greater life than they could have ever imagined. Though I may still miss my past and my home, the road ahead does indeed hold a better life, amazing opportunities, and greater experiences than I had ever dreamed."
so this is my intro, any thoughts?
“Change in all things is sweet.” To me, the concept “change” was the most difficult to understand. The concept “change” was never in my grasp until the most dramatic turning point in my life, the time I moved to my home country, Palestine. Palestine is what shaped who I am today, opening new beginnings, affecting my personal growth, and improving myself awareness. I believed change was for the worse, but in the end, change was for the best.
so this is my intro, any thoughts?
“Change in all things is sweet.” To me, the concept “change” was the most difficult to understand. The concept “change” was never in my grasp until the most dramatic turning point in my life, the time I moved to my home country, Palestine. Palestine is what shaped who I am today, opening new beginnings, affecting my personal growth, and improving myself awareness. I believed change was for the worse, but in the end, change was for the best.
Thanks guys. I have my full essay done, but obviously it needs some changes. I appreciate the advice and if anyone has any more advice to chip in, you're welcome anytime. And Gahars, your intro suggestion is actually great, but where wold i put this. I was thinking of putting something similar to what you said in the very beginning, omitting the quote in the beginning, and then after what you said begin with "to me the concept....." what do you think? I have my whole essay done, but im not sure if its a good idea to post it here because i dont want it to get i dont know, stolen? :/
I will definitely use some of what you wrote in my essay. I will have to modify parts of it to fit with the rest of my body and conclusion. And my teacher is currently looking over my first unmodified essay. And after getting her feedback, ill remodel. I appreciate the helpI'd suggest making that the very beginning, definitely. I'll continue with my example to show how I think it could be continued...
"When I turned on the radio, I was stunned to hear impassioned Arabic pour through the speakers. I changed the station, but it was all the same. Nowhere could I find the fresh beats of DJ Jazzy Jeff, the slamming jams of the Quad City DJ's, or even funky bunches of Marky Mark. That's when it hit me: I wasn't in Philadelphia anymore. Palestine was a far cry from the place I had called my home for so many years; I was a stranger in a strange land. I was a nervous, frightened, and, most of all, homesick. However, I soon realized that this wasn't a prison sentence, it was an opportunity, a chance to broaden my horizons and experience the world in a brand new way. Palestine molded me into the man I am today. English, Arabic, Philadelphia, Palestine, no matter the language or location, I learned that we can all get jiggy with it."
Don't use that exactly, of course, but that sort of introduction could serve your paper well. It spin a little narrative that gets the reader interested, and you can use the rest of your body expanding on that.
As for your essay, I don't think you have to worry about people stealing a personal college essay. If you are still concerned about privacy/security, you could always send the paper to someone over PM (if you trust them, that is). Beyond that, maybe ask an English teacher or a counselor to read over your advice; they've probably seen tons of papers already, so they'll know what to look for.