aside from aliexpress where can i buy an r4 gold card for my ds lite for 12$ or less? most of the ones i see for sale on ebay dont mention where to download the kernel let alone the os or menu

Most of the R4 cards sold on AliExpress and eBay from 3rd-party re-sellers are clones of the same chip, but with different branding on them. The firmware that they provide you to download contains what is known as a "timebomb": which means after a few years go by, the firmware would be in-operatable, prompting you to buy another cart. This can be bypassed, however, by downloading an alternative kernel such as TWiLight Menu++ or YSMenu.aside from aliexpress where can i buy an r4 gold card for my ds lite for 12$ or less? most of the ones i see for sale on ebay dont mention where to download the kernel let alone the os or menu

Yes. Kernels such as Wood R4, YSMenu or TWiLightMenu++ will for sure work. Make sure you buy the right flashcart for your system. The black DS flashcarts with no label and green PCB are R4 DS clones which will only work with the DS/DS lite, get something like an Ace3DS or R4 Gold Pro like you mentioned.@SylverReZ if i buy one from aliexpress can i just load the YSMenu on it andcall it a day or do i need a special kernel?