Right, last big dump for a bit since I've caught up, these are my notes for Chapters 5-8, and some misc notes (One of the Bonding Missions that was edited, and mostly reports of missing lines). I'll make save files before the next chapters so I can come back to this at a later date.
General : It's worth noting the rest of the game seems to favour ?! for an interrobang and I think you've been using !?, for consistency I'd suggest changing that. (it seems you went with ?! in Chapter 8 at least, so perhaps you already noticed this.)
Chapter 5 :
I feel like Iriina saying "That Gwin fellow" right next to Gwin is a bit odd, maybe something like "This guy here," or a less stilted reword with his name. Or "Gwin here," < that's definitely a more natural way, just make sure the rest of the sentence flows with the change.
Iriina needs a comma before saying the "enemy of my enemy" quote
"Aliens I haven't seen before" seems a bit stilted just as a statement, could just go with "I don't recognise them" or such after it zooms in on the Ma-non.
When Elma and co come to rescue the Ma-non "What was that!" < should probably be ?!
"We saw the anti-air weapons down too", go down?
"What are these hairless apes!" ?!
at the B.B Maintenance Center "and regeneration wouldn't have been possible if not her" < if not for her.
Tatsu's sentence "But why did you need to become B.Bs., meh?", the way the game is showing it, the second sentence begins with the comma, which looks horrible.
Lin's response "It obvious!", It's. I don't think she's trying to mimic nopon speech quirks here?
Elma says the real bodies are in the Life Point, but she only says Life in Japanese. Same for the next few times in the sentence. (I don't neccessarily mind Life just being a shortening of Life Point, but it's been referred to as just Life in a few scenes prior, so keep that in mind for consistency)
"Don't treat it roughly, just because it's a B.B." remove the comma, also this is the end of the sentence so shouldn't it be B.B.. (though that looks kinda dumb)
"There's one more I need to tell you." < one more thing
"To prevent confusion, it's a fact kept hidden..." I feel like "this is a fact" would work better.
Elma has a line confirming that talks with the Ma-non has concluded, after he already said that. I know this kind of repetition is a Japanese thing, but sometimes it's a little awkward, so her line should maybe be revisited.
Chapter 6 :
"What are you doing!" < ?!
"Even if someone told me I was in the afterlife"< maybe just "If someone told me" for this
"since our bodies are B.B." < pluralise and punctuate at the end
"I came because Commander Vandham told me to have Elma's team help." < suggest change to "your team", since he's speaking to her.
"But now, the existence..." < the sentence beforehand ends with a "but", so maybe reword the beginning of this, or the end of the other so it flows better.
Lao's line about being unusual to be chosen at Lin's age is a bit awkward, maybe "It's unusual to be chosen as White Whale Crew at your age." (or maybe "for the White Whale")
When he asks about her parents, your mispelled as yor
"It's unrelated..." < decap to "it's", as it's not a new sentence, it's a continuation of the previous
When you get to the alien mech, if you choose the first option "Ask what this Doll is", Elma's response is "Huh? No, I don't know.", now, you could assume the actual question posed by the player character is "Do you know what this Doll is?", which would make Elma's response make sense, maybe you could change it on the PC's side to "Ask if she knows what this Doll is."?
"Wh-What are you saying! You shouldn't come here in your real body!" I assume this is literally what she's saying, it's not like Tatsu has a way of coming here remotely. Maybe it's fine, I'm not sure how I would liberalise this right now. You should make the first bit end in ?! though.
"What's with that baseless confidence! And how are you going to get back!" < add question marks
"What is this?" <Lao says as the Telethia shows up, maybe "What's that?" or "What's happening?" would be more appropriate for his Nan da? here.
"lucky escape for now" < add full stop
At the Hangar, Lin says "Huh? Me?", with each on it's own line, looks a little silly.
Vandham uses the term "that unit" three times in a row, maybe mix it up a bit. "Recovering it was your..." for the third instance perhaps.
"FORMER Highness.... that was." < that is?
Luxaar has a line where he just makes a noise, the subtitles coming up as a long dash, could probably just remove that altogether.
You're going with Lars for these guys? Isn't ラース meant to be Wrath? Do you have a basis for going with Lars?
Chapter 7 :
In the meeting, Vandham's line that ends in "That's right", it sounds like he starts to say something else and then Elma cuts him off, which would track with what she says, double-check?
Chapter description says Lifepoint instead of Life Point. (same on completion)
Iriina's "Don't." line could probably just be "No." would flow better with the prior sentences.
"We'll take on this enemy." < You can see there's multiple targets, so reword to pluralise. I know enemy can just be generalised though so maybe it's okay, could just be "We'll take on the enemy."
"No reading for remains of enemy forces" < readings since it's plural
"I'm worried about Iriina's team who went ahead" < not the most natural English, reword to something like "Iriina's team went ahead, I'm worried about them." or such.
"Guys like that are easy work" < This line is repeated twice by accident, removing whatever he said before Lin interjects with "I'll make breakfast out of you..."
"My goal is... seeing that kind of faces." < those kinds, or reword
"I won't let that tragedy happen again." <This was after a sentence saying Samaar have caused 'many' tragedies, so perhaps reword to "I won't let you cause any more." or something like that.
"Defeat that one.", since this is an order to the player character and the rest of the team, maybe "This one's ours.", since she orders Iriina and co to take care of the others. Would still keep the tone, since Elma's actually mad at Goetia, but works better with the surrounding sentences.
"Don't want to leave it at just that,", I get what she's saying but for I feel like this needs rewording, could I trouble you for the Japanese of the entire line? (If the Japanese is in your mod files or your comparison to the localisation, let me know, I haven't checked out any of that yet)
Chapter 8 :
If you go over Stir-fried food, chicken saute has an extra full stop, remove
Nagi's speech has like two lines in a row that say basically the same thing? He says Doll-class units and such are on the way to NLA, then says they possess Doll-class units and reports of unidentified flying weaponry. Could use some rewording so it's less awkward.
"securing the Lifepoint" < consistency, do Life Point or Lifepoint, not both (Iriina uses Life Point a little later after Marcus dies, so there's inconsistency in this chapter itself, not just overall)
The line about NLA not being just for humans ends in a comma, but the next line starts with a capital letter like it's a new sentence. Change comma to full stop or decap.
In the briefing room, I didn't pause in time but it looked like Elma either said "the NLA", or there wasn't punctuation at the end of the sentence, so please check that line.
Tatsu's sentence about being the supply guy lacks punctuation at the end.
"commence attack" isn't good English, reword, maybe just "commence our attack." (in the speech), then when he gives the order, "Commence the attack.", or reword.
"Enemies around here are cleared out" < maybe "have been cleared out"
"Understood" < no punctuation
"Tatsu was doing his best" < She's talking to Tatsu in this line and I don't think she has ever talked to him in 3rd person? So reword.
"Wan's team is there" < maybe change it to "Wan's team is here", since he's referring to the Hangar, which they're in.
"Riiz, I want to fight" < no punctuation
"Hmph. She's scared" < this sounded more like an amusement noise to me so Hmph doesn't necessarily fit. Hmm?
"Elma-san" < no punctuation
"Hmph. Looks like...", again, this doesn't sound like what she says, this one would be more like "Oh?"
"Colonel, this is bad" < She says Elma here too when addressing her
I feel like "taller and more handsome than Gwin" is better than "more handsome and taller"
Misc : Gonna note down any lines that have disappeared since that's pretty important to fix. I think I've realised what might have happened with these, because your mod works by forcing the Japanese version, you had to transfer over the English script over, so I guess some got lost or deleted for whatever reason during the process? Kinda unfortunate, that's a lot to check if there's more.
A handful of missing lines in Boze's recruitment mission. He has a missing line after asking "What about inside?", and another before "Sensei will show you...", sounds like he's saying not to worry.
Another missing line when talking to Eleonora at the end, after he says she found him a fine partner.
Another missing line if you decline his training, before the "People call me the Avalancher Hammer" line.
My Dream : Missing line from Murderess before your first response prompt.
Missing line at the end from Eleonora, the message left for Iriina.
Arms and the Man : When you confirm to Yelv you should go kill the things, there's a line missing, starting with "Wakata"
Missing line from Eleonora, before Yelv's "Hey, stay outta my biz" line.
I don't know if you can do much about this, but Neil Nail's character bio when you recruit her is so squashed it's a little hard to read. (Same in the Miran Archives for her, which is odd because it looks like Boze's entry is wordier, but his text isn't horribly shrunk, I think it's because it's on two lines instead of three?) < Also just to add, Boze's entry says Boze Rose Lowes rather than just Boze Rose.
Lin and Elma : description could do with rewording, it's currently "We repair areas with electrical leakage accompanying Lin to her job." Which is pretty rough English, I'm guessing it's just first-pass translation with no clean up atm, especially when mission descriptions are meant to be a direction, not a statement. "Accompany Lin to repair areas with electrical leakage." maybe?
Says to talk to Baal, but the NPC is still called Bart.
If choosing the second option, one of Elma's lines ends in "so.....", but the next line is "The different parts we all need to play for us to survive on Mira." I guess this was meant to say something like "so...." "she understands the different parts..."? Either way it doesn't flow well as-is and also is clearly missing some words.
"I brought the part!" <pluralise, the mission had us get three things, same with the swapping out line, change "it" to "them"
The line calling Lin impressive is missing a full stop at the end
"That part'll eventually wear out" < These parts will
It's a shame there isn't an event viewer, as there's only 3 save files and rewatching cutscenes things can be a bit of a pain in the ass because of that. And wishing for a mod for that is probably expecting far too much.
Edit : One last thing
Manhunt : Tatsu has a missing line after "Indeed" when you talk to Celica for the first time.
I'm turning the mod off now cause the missing lines are annoying me, I'll keep an eye on the thread, if you need anything just gimme a poke.
Oh, I also wanted to ask, is it possible to partially use your mod files to just force the beginning to be in Japanese audio, and have the Japanese character creator? So basically base game, but with the Japanese char creator with english text? (Ie, how the game should have shipped...)
