thaddius' Console Roast 2014 Edition - Round 12

Worst Handheld of the Eighth Generation

  • The Nintendo 3DS

    Votes: 19 3.4%
  • The Sony Playstation Vita

    Votes: 80 14.4%
  • The Nvidia Shield

    Votes: 170 30.5%
  • The Neo Geo X

    Votes: 288 51.7%

  • Total voters
    557
  • Poll closed .

calmwaters

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Do you have any idea how large they are? The average pants pocket size (not counting skinny jeans and the like) has a depth of approximately 8-10 inches, with a width of approximately 5-7 inches. The PSP is 6.7in long (with the Go being 5in IIRC), and the Vita is 7.2in long. Both are more than able to fit comfortably in a majority of proper pant's pocket sizes.
A GameBoy Advance SP is still smaller than a PSP... and with a great library of games, I might add.
 

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We've established that...
See edit, my brain was just so shocked at the criterion you use to determine whether something is a piece of portable electronics or not. Pockets have nothing to do with this, either the device can work independently from an external display and power supply or not. Moreover, both systems fit in pockets just fine - they're big, but they're not that big. As far as keeping consoles in your pocket without a protective case, it's kinda bad for them anyways, especially for the *DS line and its hinges - they can crack if you look at them funny. Anywho, there's always the PSP Go which is comically funny and the PSVita 2000 which is substantially lighter, smaller and thinner, so there you have it.
A GameBoy Advance SP is still smaller than a PSP... and with a great library of games, I might add.
You know what's even smaller than a GBA SP? A GBA Micro. Is it comfortable to play on without toothpicks for fingers and a microscope? No, because there's such a thing as
"too small". I personally detest the GBA SP's form factor, I'm okay with clamshells but this thing is just too small for me to actually use without my hands cramping up. Just because something is small doesn't mean it's good.


Besides, this non-issue aside, I don't think I've been out and about without a bag of some sort with me in years - if I'm outside then chances are I have a good reason for it, so I always have my bag with me. Yes, bag, I hate backpacks, I'm not in primary. ;O;
 
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calmwaters

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See edit, my brain was just so shocked at the criterion you use to determine whether something is a piece of portable electronics or not. Pockets have nothing to do with this, either the device can work independently from an external display and power supply or not. Moreover, both systems fit in pockets just fine - they're big, but they're not that big. As far as keeping consoles in your pocket without a protective case, it's kinda bad for them anyways, especially for the *DS line and its hinges - they can crack if you look at them funny. Anyhoo, there's always the PSP Go which is comically funny and the PSVita 2000 which is substantially lighter, smaller and thinner, so there you have it.
You know what's even smaller than a GBA SP? A GBA Micro. Is it comfortable to play on without toothpicks for fingers and a microscope? No, because there's such a thing as "too small". I personally detest the GBA SP's form factor, I'm okay with clamshells but this thing is just too small for me to actually use without my hands cramping up. Just because something is small doesn't mean it's good.
I can distinguish between a portable electronic device and a portable non-electronic device. But if they're large (or small, depending on how your brain works) enough to fit in my pocket, then I put them there. Sure, they can fit in a carrying case, but I choose not to use one. GBA Micro, huh? Now you know why future releases of handhelds had larger screens. :) Hmm, I would play my SP and then come home to play it some more while letting it charge; maybe seven hours worth of gaming... my hands didn't cramp up... you must have big hands... (You can steal them on Mt. Woe using Ayla's Charm ability; it's a weapon for Robo... sorry, too much CT...)
Besides, this non-issue aside, I don't think I've been out and about without a bag of some sort with me in years - if I'm outside then chances are I have a good reason for it, so I always have my bag with me. Yes, bag, I hate backpacks, I'm not in primary. ;O;
Oh, I know; I think it was a few weeks ago that I went out without my laptop case or my backpack. Gotta tell you, it felt pretty liberating.
 

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I can distinguish between a portable electronic device and a portable non-electronic device. But if they're large (or small, depending on how your brain works) enough to fit in my pocket, then I put them there. Sure, they can fit in a carrying case, but I choose not to use one. GBA Micro, huh? Now you know why future releases of handhelds had larger screens. :) Hmm, I would play my SP and then come home to play it some more while letting it charge; maybe seven hours worth of gaming... my hands didn't cramp up... you must have big hands... (You can steal them on Mt. Woe using Ayla's Charm ability; it's a weapon for Robo... sorry, too much CT...)
Having hands bigger than children is a trait of many adults. ;O;

On a serious note, had I owned it as an early teen, I probably wouldn't have too many problems with it. Today the PSVita is like the pinnacle of comfort in terms of portable consoles to me wheras the 3DS is morbidly thin and the XL even more so. :P
 
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codezer0

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The Vita even now is horrible... with only one noteworthy game to its entire platform, and that being Touch my Katamari. While its apparent port of Borderlands 2 is good, the fact that $ony is so actively attacking and taking down every possible game that would render it vulnerable is a huge turn off.

Yet even with this, there is only one handheld that managed to surpass it in suck. The SHIELD is a cool device as a handheld way of playing otherwise PC-only games, but that's not the one I'm talking about.

No, the worst by far is the Neo Geo X. Why?
  • Even though it received SNK's blessing, the thing does a piss poor job of emulating the games that have been released for it
  • The release schedule for new games ported to it has been glacially slow, and some of those are required purchases to be able to update the firmware on the system
  • All the trouble they went through to make its dock look like a legit Neo Geo AES, and yet they couldn't/wouldn't make it directly compatible with Neo Geo carts? WTF?
  • Many reviews of the device have reported how weird/awkward it is about charging...
  • ... and the battery life
  • ... and even with all of SNK's backing, the handheld still does poorly of emulating some of the more demanding games that were made on the original console
  • ... that I could mention an original, hacked PSP can emulate perfectly
  • Need I bring up that once the roms were decrypted, it was found that they were basically using the same emulation hacks that were done with homebrew devices like the Dingoo and GCW Zero, but somehow managed to make it worse ?
  • As a whole, the handheld does a piss poor job of representing everything that SNK was reputed for with the AES and MVS platform(s)
Not to mention, even if you were someone that really loved SNK and Neo Geo back then, there are still much better ways of playing them, even now on a modern TV.
  • AES or C-MVS console hooked up to a video processor like the xrgb-mini Framemeister
  • Some have been selling the MVS cabinets for stupid cheap too
  • I know I've seen a few devices that could accept an arcade motherboard and then it would have the logic and outputs necessary to connect to most TV's out there
  • Even the Neo Geo CD(Z) is a more attractive alternative, as there were even a few games that were exclusive to that particular variant, and games for it were always less expensive than the carts
I know in the arcade world, SNK was loved for a lot of great reasons, not least of which the fact that they continued to provide parts and warranty support for arcade operators for a full 14 years of life... providing a higher level of service and support than Sony could ever realistically claim with any generation of PlayStation. It seems like someone who was in charge of designing the devie completely forgot what was it about the Neo Geo that was so special.
 

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The Vita even now is horrible... with only one noteworthy game to its entire platform, and that being Touch my Katamari. While its apparent port of Borderlands 2 is good, the fact that $ony is so actively attacking and taking down every possible game that would render it vulnerable is a huge turn off.
Katamari...the only noteworthy game on Vita. Are...are you drunk..?
 

codezer0

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...you only like Touch my Katamari? Nothing else? Wow... you must have... very, very narrow and eccentric tastes.
It's the only game for the system that I'd actually want to get a Vita for. Everything else that might be good, I could very likely play a better version on another system. The Katamari series has been about the one thing that's been consistently good regardless of platform.

Call of Duty was hyped to heck and back... and well, that's call of duty. The only people playing that are 12 year olds with terrible parents.

Borderlands 2 I hear is a fantastic port, but I'd still rather play that on my PC.

Nothing else on the system has really jumped out as being worth playing, much less worth paying $300 + $100 for a memory card for.

Not to mention I already have enough bad blood with Sony on the PlayStation side. So PS Plus for damn sure ain't happenin'. :nayps3::gun::whip:
 

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It's the only game for the system that I'd actually want to get a Vita for. Everything else that might be good, I could very likely play a better version on another system.

Call of Duty was hyped to heck and back... and well, that's call of duty. The only people playing that are 12 year olds with terrible parents.

Borderlands 2 I hear is a fantastic port, but I'd still rather play that on my PC.

Nothing else on the system has really jumped out as being worth playing, much less worth paying $300 + $100 for a memory card for.

Not to mention I already have enough bad blood with Sony on the PlayStation side. So PS Plus for damn sure ain't happenin'. :nayps3::gun::whip:
Ummm... NO ONE was hyped for that Call of Duty game. The moment that first trailer and the developer's name hit hype completely shattered.
Vita is less than $300 and memory cards aren't even $100+.
 

codezer0

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Ummm... NO ONE was hyped for that Call of Duty game. The moment that first trailer and the developer's name hit hype completely shattered.
Vita is less than $300 and memory cards aren't even $100+.
It's still $100 + tax for the 32gig card, which is a requirement for any sort of longevity.
It's still $300 for the 3G model Vita... which of course is exclusively locked to AT&T here in the states, which is probably the single most horrid carrier to ever partner with. And of course they will demand a 2 year contract and overages out the ass for attempting to use their faulty network in the first place. But that's what you get with the Vita because Sony sez so.
 

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It's the only game for the system that I'd actually want to get a Vita for. Everything else that might be good, I could very likely play a better version on another system.
What about Tearaway? Soul Sacrifice? KillZone: Mercenary? Gravity Rush? The system has plenty of good exclusives, I don't understand why Touch My Katamari would be your pick of the one and only game worth having.
Call of Duty was hyped to heck and back... and well, that's call of duty. The only people playing that are 12 year olds with terrible parents.
I have a weird feeling that people expected "the home console Call of Duty experience" ported directly to the PSVita and got disappointed because the game was designed to be played in small-sized chunks... because it's a portable title, that was the point. In my opinion, it's the best portable CoD to date, if not one of the best portable shooters in general. Sure, it could've used a proper storyline rather than going the episodes way, but let's be serious here - it's Call of Duty, the story is not terribly relevant. That's not to say the game doesn't have its share of problems, but I enjoyed it for what it was worth.
Borderlands 2 I hear is a fantastic port, but I'd still rather play that on my PC.
The thing about PC's is that they're not portable, that is unless you're planning on playing it on a gaming laptop which is probably a better way to play the game, fair play.
Nothing else on the system has really jumped out as being worth playing, much less worth paying $300 + $100 for a memory card for.
People blow the memory card pricing way out of proportion - you buy a memory card once. I bought a 32GB one and PS+ - no regrets, at this point the purchase returned itself in games, I literally don't have enough space to store all of'em, I have to shuffle games each and every month, I'm so looking forward to 64GB cards in Europe.
Not to mention I already have enough bad blood with Sony on the PlayStation side. :nayps3::gun::whip:
I can see how you would complain then.

I say give the system a chance - you might like what it has to offer.
 

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It's still $100 + tax for the 32gig card, which is a requirement for any sort of longevity.
It's still $300 for the 3G model Vita... which of course is exclusively locked to AT&T here in the states, which is probably the single most horrid carrier to ever partner with. And of course they will demand a 2 year contract and overages out the ass for attempting to use their faulty network in the first place. But that's what you get with the Vita because Sony sez so.
First of all, the 32GB is not $100. You can get it for much cheaper-scratch that, you don't really need a 32GB if you're going the all physical route with Vita. Second, Sony no longer manufactures the 3G Vita. You're being ripped off if you pay that much when you can go buy a Slim for much less (which includes a game and a memory card).
 

codezer0

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I've had a sour taste in my mouth with Killzone since the first one. I can't speak for Soul Sacrifice or those others. As I said, Katamari has been the only series that has been wonderful across every platform it's touched. Even the PSP version with its d-pad/action buttons-only control scheme worked well. It's the only one I'd care to get right away for the system. I can't speak for most of them simply because Sony has burned me so many times with the PlayStation console and because they chose to ban my account and last 60gig PS3 even though I never played online at all.

And after having looked at them side by side, The Vita memory card is literally the Memory stick M2 (2.0). Same physical size, same location of its pins. It's literally only that a few notches were moved over between the M2 and the Vita card. And it still burns me up that Sony made it a requirement to have a memory card in the first place, when Nintendo and everyone else were able to make their game cards able to store their own save data, or use something not proprietary and terrible.
 

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First of all, the 32GB is not $100. You can get it for much cheaper-scratch that, you don't really need a 32GB if you're going the all physical route with Vita. Second, Sony no longer manufactures the 3G Vita. You're being ripped off if you pay that much when you can go buy a Slim for much less (which includes a game and a memory card).
PSVita 3G/WiFi costs $249 new straight from Sony themselves, I don't know how he conjured the $300 my bad, limited time offer, it's normally $299 from Sony on Amazon. Gamestop has'em for $199.99 new though, so no problems there. That being said, he might as well pick up the Borderlands 2 bundle which is $199.99 and consists of the game, the PSVita Slim and an 8GB memory card - it's literally a ready-to-play set.
I've had a sour taste in my mouth with Killzone since the first one. I can't speak for Soul Sacrifice or those others. As I said, Katamari has been the only series that has been wonderful across every platform it's touched. Even the PSP version with its d-pad/action buttons-only control scheme worked well. It's the only one I'd care to get right away for the system. I can't speak for most of them simply because Sony has burned me so many times with the PlayStation console and because they chose to ban my account and last 60gig PS3 even though I never played online at all.


And after having looked at them side by side, The Vita memory card is literally the Memory stick M2 (2.0). Same physical size, same location of its pins. It's literally only that a few notches were moved over between the M2 and the Vita card. And it still burns me up that Sony made it a requirement to have a memory card in the first place, when Nintendo and everyone else were able to make their game cards able to store their own save data, or use something not proprietary and terrible.
It's actually not. If it was that simple, we'd have hacked up M2 adapters by now. ;) Also, the memory card is not a requirement on the PSVita Slim, you have 1GB for your save files.
 

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...you only like Touch my Katamari? Nothing else? Wow... you must have... very, very narrow and eccentric tastes.

...and you thought I was weird... on the flipside, it's actually a pretty fun game to play with friends ;)
fyi, you're not getting within 5 miles of my Katamari... :P
 

codezer0

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PSVita 3G/WiFi costs $249 new straight from Sony themselves, I don't know how he conjured the $300 my bad, limited time offer, it's normally $299 from Sony on Amazon. Gamestop has'em for $199.99 new though, so no problems there. That being said, he might as well pick up the Borderlands 2 bundle which is $199.99 and consists of the game, the PSVita Slim and an 8GB memory card - it's literally a ready-to-play set.
It's actually not. If it was that simple, we'd have hacked up M2 adapters by now. ;) Also, the memory card is not a requirement on the PSVita Slim, you have 1GB for your save files.
Gotta read the details.

As it says, it's not a physical copy of borderlands 2... that means that:
  • I gotta create a whole new separate email to create another stupid PSN account (inconvenient at best)
  • that 8 gigs of storage is automatically gone, because even regular borderlands GOTY edition used up about that much storage as it was.
  • Vita disables the internal storage when using the memory card, so it's never going to be n+1GB
  • A 32gig card still is more than $70 online, which means it'll still be $300 after taxes for the damned thing
  • It also means more money to $ony, which has already treated me like crap in the past
A Vita's only useful to me if I could hack it at this point. At least then I'd have the nerve to actually try some of the games available. It was the same way with me with the PSP... I didn't even care about any of the PSP's games until after I had one and got my early buzz from the homebrew there was on it.
 

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