So my birthday is in a little while and

[gifi4]

So my birthday is in a little while and I will be turning 14, naturally considering I'm only 13/14 I'm spending my birthday with my parents but as they have recently split up, I don't know which one to choose to be with, my mum said I should go with her but it's up to me so I dunno what to do?

 

[cracker]

Wow that's a pretty loaded question for an online forum... I thought it would be about what to ask for a present...

Split it up... the day before with one parent... the day after with the other, and on your birthday with your friends....

 

[CrimzonEyed]

well, which one do you like the most? which one live closer to your friends?
You can also celebrate at both your parents.
Let's say for exemple that you live with your dad. next time you visit your mom you celebrate again

When i was still living home i lived with my mom and spend every other weekend with my dad, so it was easy to whait to next weekend i visited my dad and then celebrate with him.

 

[Ace Gunman]

Well I think it depends, and keep in mind I don't know the type of people your parents are so ultimately read into this what you will. Your mom is saying go with her, well, that isn't a particularly altruistic perspective. She is being very blatant about the fact that she wants you to pick her over your father.

Whereas your dad, you haven't really given his perspective on the matter. Did he say "Go be with your mom", or perhaps "It doesn't matter who you choose, as long as your happy"? Etc, etc. My personal feelings on the matter is that your mom is pressuring you into abandoning your father for her on your birthday. I tend to automatically side with the parent who isn't doing the pressuring.

Of course then one has to wonder why she would pressure you to begin with. It could be simple resentment towards her ex-husband, her trying to play favorites. Though since we don't know much about your relationship with either parent that could just be her showing that she cares. She might be the overly emotional sort in that regard. Your dad however could, for all we know, be the much more reserved type who tends to just be of the opinion "Do what you want, I don't really mind or care either way".

Then it also depends on who you would personally rather spend time with. You presumably love both your parents, but its not uncommon to have more in common with one than the other. We don't have a full view of your home life here, so again for all we know choosing one parent over the other is going to lead to that rejected individual pulling away emotionally or punishing you. I would truly hope that your parents are bigger people than that, and I suspect they are, but if that is a consideration you should weigh it as well.

You have to make a particularly difficult decision, and if I may make a suggestion, ideally if your parents can stand to be in the same room with each other, why not spend it with them together? Even if they can't, it would be unfair for you to suffer simply because they find it difficult to say civil for two hours.

 

[gifi4]

Well I think it depends, and keep in mind I don't know the type of people your parents are so ultimately read into this what you will. Your mom is saying go with her, well, that isn't a particularly altruistic perspective. She is being very blatant about the fact that she wants you to pick her over your father.

Whereas your dad, you haven't really given his perspective on the matter. Did he say "Go be with your mom", or perhaps "It doesn't matter who you choose, as long as your happy"? Etc, etc. My personal feelings on the matter is that your mom is pressuring you into abandoning your father for her on your birthday. I tend to automatically side with the parent who isn't doing the pressuring.

Of course then one has to wonder why she would pressure you to begin with. It could be simple resentment towards her ex-husband, her trying to play favorites. Though since we don't know much about your relationship with either parent that could just be her showing that she cares. She might be the overly emotional sort in that regard. Your dad however could, for all we know, be the much more reserved type who tends to just be of the opinion "Do what you want, I don't really mind or care either way".

Then it also depends on who you would personally rather spend time with. You presumably love both your parents, but its not uncommon to have more in common with one than the other. We don't have a full view of your home life here, so again for all we know choosing one parent over the other is going to lead to that rejected individual pulling away emotionally or punishing you. I would truly hope that your parents are bigger people than that, and I suspect they are, but if that is a consideration you should weigh it as well.

You have to make a particularly difficult decision, and if I may make a suggestion, ideally if your parents can stand to be in the same room with each other, why not spend it with them together? Even if they can't, it would be unfair for you to suffer simply because they find it difficult to say civil for two hours.

lol, if they are together, I would have no b-day because the whole day would just be them two swearing at each other etc.
My mum also mentioned she wanted me to be with her because she gave birth to me, my dad has said nothing on the matter and I have said nothing about it to him, especially considering today is fathers day.

 

[Issac]

I think Ace nails it with his insightful comments!
However, I'm not sure that your mom is "pressuring" you, It depends on how she phrased it...
Did she say: "You should celebrate with me!" or "I'd want to celebrate with you"?

EDIT: oooo... I got ninja'd soooo please disregard this

 

[Overlord Nadrian]

Well, your mother's view isn't completely correct. Sure, she gave birth to you, but she needed your Dad to be able to do so first, so just try to be with the two of them [if they start swearing and all, just leave the room, and eventually, they'll realise that what they're doing is wrong, and they will most likely be happy (or at least act like they're happy) so that you can have a nice day].

Good luck man.

 

[Ace Gunman]

Given what you've just said I've gleamed three things from your parents:

1) Your mother is pressuring you, unfairly I might add. That I gave birth to you business is an unfair card. That is, of course, incredibly important, but it also suggests that your father didn't play an important role in your upbringing. Which likely isn't true if they only recently got divorced. That is a bare minimum of 13 years of contributing to your development.

2) Your mom may be pressuring you slightly, but she also seems like the nurturing one in the parental relationship. Her pressuring may come from a place of a genuine want to be with you on your special day, but an inability to express it in the proper way.

3) Your dad likely has a reserved personality. Many fathers do. However this doesn't mean that he doesn't care or doesn't want to be with you on your birthday, it may just mean that he's not sure how say it. Or it could be that he just can't figure out a way to bring up the topic and would rather you make the decision on your own. After all, there is no good way to say "Pick me over your other parent".

Finally, a fourth comment, which would be that we only know what you've told us, so for all we know (and absolutely no offense intended) your father was a horrible dad who was hardly around and may not give two shakes about any of this either way. I doubt that though seeing as you've made this topic. I somehow doubt you'd have a hard time deciding if you genuinely disliked either one of your parents.

 

[Blebleman]

My parents broke up when I was four. It turned out to be a real blessing in disguise, because instead of growing up in a family that fights every night, I grew up in two families. From a kid's point of view:
2 Christmases (cha-ching!)
2 Birthday parties
Double the family members (if both your parents hook up)
Double the houses! Sounds ridiculous, but when you're a kid, you always want somewhere to run away to.

Nowadays, I'm obviously used to it, it being 20 years ago. I got to know both my parents as individual people, and really really understood what happened over the years.
I've lived with my mom since the breakup, visiting my dad almost every weekend. I've spent about the same amount of time with her than he ever did. I understand why they broke up COMPLETELY.

Spoiler

My mom is nuts, if you didn't take the hint.