School appropriate "LOL" jokes

[notnarb]

I'm competing against 3 other people in a school event where I must make 4 randomly selected students spit out the koolaid which they will have in their mouth (laughing is the implied objective). My main obstacle is finding "LOL" jokes that are school appropriate that take less than 15 seconds. In fact I am almost convinced they don't exist. I intend to scare the crap out of one of them (proven to work!

), but I can't do that when the mic gets passed to me and I'd imagine the other 3 would catch on despite the fact that they are all facing away from each other. So yea, need sum jokes potent enough to make someone spit out a mouth full of liquid (or more dirty tricks besides starting a joke quietly and then shouting to startle them)

 

[Advi]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde replies, “According to the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

 

[JPH]

LOL nice ^

however im sure you'll offend all the blonde girls in your classroom, and that probably wont turn up good

 

[Advi]

Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”

 

[Tanas]

Steven Hawking came back for his first blind date in 10 years.
His glasses were smashed, his nose was broken, he had twisted ankle and
a bruised knee.

Apparently, she had stood him up.

 

[juggernaut911]

Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”

old...

i don't need to use jokes. people just laugh at me... wait

 

[Advi]

not my fault I copied them off of LOL.com. U_U

 

[iritegood]

What's the difference between batman and a black guy?
Batman can go a night with out Robin.

What's the difference between a book and a mexican?
A book has real papers.

What do you get when you cross a black guy and an asian guy?
Someone that can steal a car but can't drive it.

That's my racist-joke quota for today.

 

[kevenka]

Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”

I laughed so hard at this joke.

 

[da_head]

Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”

i don't get it o.o

 

[Banger]

Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”

i don't get it o.o

He is counting backwards from 10.

 

[kevenka]

Ah...come on man... 9 secs, 8 secs, 7 secs.

 

[BakuFunn]

Maybe you could walk quietly onto the stage, and when your in the center, wait a second, take out those maracas behind your back and sing "PEANUT BUTTA JELLY TIME" while dancing. You know.
Well i get entertained easily.


And aren't racist jokes inappropriate?
Or those stereotype stuff?

 

[kevenka]

yea...I thought those racist jokes were too mean.

 

[notnarb]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde replies, “According to the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.”
too long :S

Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”
too old :S I've heard that one several times
QUOTE

Steven Hawking came back for his first blind date in 10 years.
His glasses were smashed, his nose was broken, he had twisted ankle and
a bruised knee.

Apparently, she had stood him up.

amusing, but it takes a second. tried it on two people and no 'LOL'

*snip

too racist (although I'm sure they would work if I used them

)

 

[da_head]

Ah...come on man... 9 secs, 8 secs, 7 secs.

yeah i got it lol. just seemed a little long for a second hahah

 

[knl]

this lady walks into an ice cream store and asks the cashier, "hi could I have some vanilla"
the cashier says, "sorry ma'am we're all out of vanilla"
the lady replies, "oh, okay, then I'll have the vanilla"
"ma'am, as I just said, we have no vanilla ice cream currently"
"oh... I see... well then can you sell me the vanilla?"
"Ma'am, can you spell straw, as in strawberry for me?"
"okay, s-t-r-a-w" "ok, now can you spell late, as in chocolate for me?"
"alright, l-a-t-e..." "then can you spell freak, as in vanilla for me?"
"but there's no freak in vanilla." "ma'am that's exactly what i've been trying to tell you."

joke had to be touched up but I think it still works.

 

[notnarb]

this lady walks into an ice cream store and asks the cashier, "hi could I have some vanilla"
the cashier says, "sorry ma'am we're all out of vanilla"
the lady replies, "oh, okay, then I'll have the vanilla"
"ma'am, as I just said, we have no vanilla ice cream currently"
"oh... I see... well then can you sell me the vanilla?"
"Ma'am, can you spell straw, as in strawberry for me?"
"okay, s-t-r-a-w" "ok, now can you spell late, as in chocolate for me?"
"alright, l-a-t-e..." "then can you spell freak, as in vanilla for me?"
"but there's no freak in vanilla." "ma'am that's exactly what i've been trying to tell you."

joke had to be touched up but I think it still works.

30 seconds

 

[Brian117]

this lady walks into an ice cream store and asks the cashier, "hi could I have some vanilla"
the cashier says, "sorry ma'am we're all out of vanilla"
the lady replies, "oh, okay, then I'll have the vanilla"
"ma'am, as I just said, we have no vanilla ice cream currently"
"oh... I see... well then can you sell me the vanilla?"
"Ma'am, can you spell straw, as in strawberry for me?"
"okay, s-t-r-a-w" "ok, now can you spell late, as in chocolate for me?"
"alright, l-a-t-e..." "then can you spell freak, as in vanilla for me?"
"but there's no freak in vanilla." "ma'am that's exactly what i've been trying to tell you."

joke had to be touched up but I think it still works.

I honestly don't get this...

Feel free to bash.

 

[dinofan01]

this lady walks into an ice cream store and asks the cashier, "hi could I have some vanilla"
the cashier says, "sorry ma'am we're all out of vanilla"
the lady replies, "oh, okay, then I'll have the vanilla"
"ma'am, as I just said, we have no vanilla ice cream currently"
"oh... I see... well then can you sell me the vanilla?"
"Ma'am, can you spell straw, as in strawberry for me?"
"okay, s-t-r-a-w" "ok, now can you spell late, as in chocolate for me?"
"alright, l-a-t-e..." "then can you spell freak, as in vanilla for me?"
"but there's no freak in vanilla." "ma'am that's exactly what i've been trying to tell you."

joke had to be touched up but I think it still works.

I honestly don't get this...

Feel free to bash.

+1
I have no idea. Oh wait, I get it now. (while I wrote this). Your suppose to say it fast so that the "freak in" sounds like "freaking." Theres no freaking vanilla.