Did you ever set up the ctrnand with the boot.firm?
Indeed I did - I followed the "3ds.hacks.guide"...uh, guide to a T, and everything seemed to go smoothly.
As a sanity check I even just tried it again, but nothing changed.
From what I can tell, as long as fastboot3ds is installed, it's simply not possible to boot the console without an SD card as it by default sets all of the boot slots to disabled, and the only way to change that is to save the settings...which are saved on the SD card.
So if the SD card isn't present, those settings aren't loaded and it instead loads the default...which is to disable all boot slots and therefore dump you into fastboot3ds with no way to exit save for simply hitting the power button.
EDIT: OK, it does seem that, when in fastboot3ds, if you select "Boot from file..." and then navigate to nand: and select "boot.firm", it'll then successfully boot into the home menu via luma3ds CFW even with the SD card removed.
That's still very much not at all ideal though and doesn't really make things all that better - it basically just makes it
possible, not streamlined. And streamlining the process is the entire reason why I wanted to use Open AGB Launcher in the first place, and Open AGB Launcher itself is the only reason I even installed fastboot3ds.