Post text jokes here

[hippy dave]

Several skyscrapers in Hong Kong caught fire a day or two ago and as far as I know they are still burning. Nocto is referring to that, implying the fire was started when a tenant tried to kill a spider in a cool, rational, reasonable manner, i.e. a flamethrower.
"Too soon?" Yeah, a bit.

Ok, thanks for the explanation.

Still not a text joke.

 

[impeeza]

What is the name of the best detective hound of all times?

Sherlock bones

 

[Veho]

My friends and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh just a bit more.

 

[MPRTwice]

Even when full, I'm still part Hungary, aren't I? Should I Rome around for Turkey cooked in Greece and leave Dakar back in Senegal by that Chad across the Sudan, or shall I Pacifically settle for Mediterranean to avoid a California Roll?

 

[impeeza]

Why is the mermaid wearing seashells?

Her boobs are to big for B shells

 

[Veho]

I have a friend from Prague who loves to play chess. He is my Czech mate.

 

[MPRTwice]

People asked if I have an off button; I told them the entire opponent's head is an off button for my fists when we spar.

 

[impeeza]

A full naked lady go into a cab.

The Chinese driver start staring to her feet to head several times.

The annoyed lady, ask to the driver «have you never saw a naked woman»?

The cab driver answer: -I stale at you not because you ale nakel, just because I can not find where you have the money to pay the ride.

Story moral: Be like the chinese: stay focus on your business not the distractions.

 

[MPRTwice]

What do you call a country party in December? A Ho ho ho down!

 

[Noctosphere]

I painted my whole PC in black the other day.
It runs so much faster now

 

[MPRTwice]

Someone asked how my poor brother is doing; I asked them why they did not ask about the rich one.

 

[hippy dave]

A traveler travels to a monastery. They give him food and water and he can sleep inside. Each evening he hears some weird, strange sound.

When he asks a monk about the sound, the monk says: "I can't tell you what causes the sound, because you are not a monk".

The traveler is very curious, so he spends three years in the monastery as a neophyte, chopping wood and carrying water, then he asks the monks about the origin of the sound.
The monk says: "We can't tell you, because you are not a monk"

So the traveler spends another three years as a novice, watering plants and cooking food,then he asks the monks about the origin of the sound.
The monk says: "We can't tell you, because you are not a monk"

So the traveler spends another three years as a initiate, studying religious texts, then he asks the monks about the origin of the sound.
The monk says: "We can't tell you, because you are not a monk"

The traveler spends another three years meditating and praying.

Finally they hold a ceremony when the traveler is ordained to be a monk.

He asks a monk about the origin of the sound.

The monk says: "You are a monk now, go and see."

The monk leads the traveler to a passage.

The passage leads to a big room.

The room leads to another passage.

The passage leads to a small room.

There, the traveler finally sees what is causing the strange sound. But I can't tell you what it is because you are not a monk.

 

[MPRTwice]

A traveler travels to a monastery. They give him food and water and he can sleep inside. Each evening he hears some weird, strange sound.

When he asks a monk about the sound, the monk says: "I can't tell you what causes the sound, because you are not a monk".

The traveler is very curious, so he spends three years in the monastery as a neophyte, chopping wood and carrying water, then he asks the monks about the origin of the sound.
The monk says: "We can't tell you, because you are not a monk"

So the traveler spends another three years as a novice, watering plants and cooking food,then he asks the monks about the origin of the sound.
The monk says: "We can't tell you, because you are not a monk"

So the traveler spends another three years as a initiate, studying religious texts, then he asks the monks about the origin of the sound.
The monk says: "We can't tell you, because you are not a monk"

The traveler spends another three years meditating and praying.

Finally they hold a ceremony when the traveler is ordained to be a monk.

He asks a monk about the origin of the sound.

The monk says: "You are a monk now, go and see."

The monk leads the traveler to a passage.

The passage leads to a big room.

The room leads to another passage.

The passage leads to a small room.

There, the traveler finally sees what is causing the strange sound. But I can't tell you what it is because you are not a monk.

I know that smell; it is quite stinky. Some make that smell at work and then I decide to leave the room to not smell it.

 

[impeeza]

I painted my whole PC in black the other day.
It runs so much faster now

You always can accelerate it at 9.8 m/s^2

 

[Noctosphere]

You always can accelerate it at 9.8 m/s^2

Let's not break our shits please...

 

[impeeza]

I threw an Asian by the stairs the other day, -It went so wlong on so many levels

 

[impeeza]

What is the difference between an apple and a orphan?

-An apple always get picked.

 

[hippy dave]

What is the difference between an apple and a orphan?

-An apple always get picked.

Apples are culturally renowned for falling from the tree (without being picked)

 

[impeeza]

Apples are culturally renowned for falling from the tree (without being picked)

but even then they are picked from the ground

 

[hippy dave]

but even then they are picked from the ground

Always?