Post text jokes here

[handy333]

I'm a joke.

 

[impeeza]

I'm a joke.

Then sorry for full nocted you

 

[Noctosphere]

Then sorry for full nocted you

Don't worry, I nocted it too

Post automatically merged: May 3, 2025

man, I nocted big time!

I realise I never answered you.
2 comes in, 3 comes out, the mathematicians is thinking there is -1 person in the house now, so one person has to go in to make it empty again (0 person in)

 

[x65943]

Two guards are standing outside the Kremlin. One turns to the other and asks, “So comrade, what do you think of the Party's new policy?”

The second guard replies, “I think the same as you do, obviously!”

“In that case, it is my sworn duty to arrest you”

/////

A man walks into a shop. He asks the clerk, “You don’t have any meat?”
The clerk says, “No, here we don’t have any fish. The shop that doesn’t have any meat is across the street.”

/////

Man walks into a Trabant dealership with a wad of East Marks, slams the cash down on the desk and says "I'd like to buy a car, please!"

So he does all the paperwork and the dealer says "right, you can pick it up five years from now.

"Hold on," says the man. "Five years?"

He pauses for a moment.

"Is that in the morning or the evening?"

"What difference does it make?" asks the dealer.

"Well, I've got the plumber coming in the morning."

 

[Noctosphere]

How do you call the partition for that song they play in church?
Concerto for Organ in A Minor

 

[Noctosphere]

Why is it that if you like manly stuff, you are a real man, but if you like men, which is the peak of manlihood, then you are unmanly?

 

[x65943]

Why is it that if you like manly stuff, you are a real man, but if you like men, which is the peak of manlihood, then you are unmanly?

Gays are the straights all along

 

[Noctosphere]

I dig,
you dig,
he digs,
she digs,
we dig,
they dig...

This poem may not be the most beautiful, but it's really deep...

 

[x65943]

I dig,
you dig,
he digs,
she digs,
we dig,
they dig...

This poem may not be the most beautiful, but it's really deep...

Least you could do is put it in French so all the digs change in that wacky French way you lot like to slap verbs around

 

[Veho]

Least you could do is put it in French so all the digs change in that wacky French way you lot like to slap verbs around

 

[AncientBoi]

My report to my Social Worker, whom wanted an update to my pain medication [placed in my neck].

She finally answered it Today.

You Funny

 

[MPRTwice]

Some marching band decided to go to the sports game; I told them a bass line music joke because I wasn't looking for treble. No one pulls my strings and I'm not the one who has to face the music anyways.

Don't try to double-cross a boxer; he might triple cross you back for taking a rude jab at him.

An aerospace engineer and pilot to a modern marine: "dude, do you even lift? I have to send tons of steel into the air at a time and avoid too much burnout."

Please avoid talking about Elon Musk instead of classwork; it's a school, not a zoo. You can go see monkeys at the zoo later.

Please do not mention Microsoft as an example of a great organization; it is bogged down by an overinflated bill and has no hope, so it has to look outside its windows eleven or more times for any great ideas.

If you smell a rat, or something goofy, Disney is likely behind it.

I can identify a Googolplex things wrong with Google.

 

[nmagod]

Why do you read "read" as read and not as read?

 

[MPRTwice]

Why do you read "read" as read and not as read?

Because you read em, then bleed em. Then you read, then it bled. My hands get bruised too and then I have to set my car to cruise control; cruising for a bruising.

they say the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain, but after I train I am mainly in pain.

 

[nmagod]

I sincerely hope your pain has not led you to buy a lead L.E.D. in Leeds

 

[MPRTwice]

I sincerely hope your pain has not led you to buy a lead L.E.D. in Leeds

No need to lead that of which you have zero need when you can knead what you need and relax watching that star wars palace of theed but not be wario in greed - by _not_ Dr. Seuss

That was not very Seuss of me, was it?

It was pretty Seuss of him to come up with some weird _things_, one and two reasons and more.

 

[impeeza]

Me: Chat GPT, I just got laid off. please tell me a joke so I can smile.
Chat GPT: Do you know the difference between you and a large pizza?
me: No, i do not know the difference.
Chat GPT: A lager pizza can feed your family.

 

[Veho]

Which 5 letter body part is long and hard and contains the letters: P, E, N, I and S?


Spine!

 

[impeeza]

Three french friend was talking about the meaning of «sang-froid» (cold blood)

The first go:

«sang-froid» is if you enter your house and find you wife and your best friend having sex and you say «Excusez-moi» (excuse me)

The second one goes:
No, no, no, «sang-froid» is if you enter your house, find your wife and your best friend having sex, then you say «Excusez-moi» please continue.

The third one says:
No, all of you are wrong, «sang-froid» is if you enter your house and find you wife and your best friend having sex, then you say «Excusez-moi» please continue. AND HE KEEP HITTING HER!

 

[MPRTwice]

Which 5 letter body part is long and hard and contains the letters: P, E, N, I and S?


Spine!

Those would be hands that can _p_unch a_n_d _e_ven _s_upremely well, _i_ndeed, yes hands.

Notice how hands, five letters, is a body part and it so happens to contain letters between the two of them; how do you like the one-two _pun_ch line? An upper _cut_ above the rest?