Just a question...

[Nujui]

I have a story I was writing and I wanted to show it to people, and I was wondering if this is the right section and if I'm allowed to.

 

[tagzard]

sure just post it up

 

[Nujui]

Here it is, sort of forgot to post it here.
http://shorttext.com/znp4nqz7lul

 

[ineap09]

*claps*
That was actually an interesting read. It's full of mystery. Are you going to continue the story, or was that the end?
Oh, and what's Dusky Need? Is that my name that I signed? O_O

“Don't not be afraid dear child, as what you will have to face will be more scary than I.”
I think that I'd be even more afraid after a statement like that instead of being encouraged like he seemed to think it as. O_O;

 

[Nujui]

*claps*
That was actually an interesting read. It's full of mystery. Are you going to continue the story, or was that the end?
Oh, and what's Dusky Need? Is that my name that I signed? O_O

“Don't not be afraid dear child, as what you will have to face will be more scary than I.”
I think that I'd be even more afraid after a statement like that instead of being encouraged like he seemed to think it as. O_O;

I'm gonna keep going with it. I'm glad that you like it.

 

[Ikki]

I like how "I" am the protagonist, keep it up! I liked it.

 

[Tokyo Jihen]

The tenses keep changing from present to past tense. There are a good amount of grammatical errors.

Otherwise, it's pretty good for someone of your age. Some things are a bit cliche. Why does hell have to be filled with fire? Does heaven need to be perfect?

 

[Nujui]

The tenses keep changing from present to past tense. There are a good amount of grammatical errors.

Otherwise, it's pretty good for someone of your age. Some things are a bit cliche. Why does hell have to be filled with fire? Does heaven need to be perfect?

You're not the first person that told me that I keep going from present to past. I'm still trying to work on that. And as for the heaven and hell thing, I didn't really show of what I thought of all of them. When I get to a certain part of the story, you will see that heaven is not perfect and that hell is not all filled with fire.

 

[Shockwind]

I like the story. Keep up the good work!