Insane penis rage knife threat!

[Deleted User]

Insane penis rage knife threat for 'rubbish' drug-free Peter Molyneux. (Allegedly).
Source

I've been staring at that headline for about 20 minutes. I'm so astounded by what I've just heard, I'm going giddy. Look mum! I'm doing the first-person news dance!


But before CVG can enhance your Friday feeling with genuine magic, some housekeeping truths must be apportioned.

I'll make 'em fun, promise. Think of these as your 3D glasses to the greatest games-related quote of the year:

* There is no evidence, other than Mr Molyneux's insistence, that this story is true.

* We've met LittleBigPlanet legends Media Molecule. They're lovely men. We doubt very much that Mark Healey's key action here was executed in earnest - if at all. But we completely understand if he did, indeed, go slightly loopy.

* We're still not 100 per cent sure this isn't some kind of dream.

Righteo. Normal service can now be resumed. What could possibly cause such a verbose, unnecessarily italicised introduction? Read on. Understand.

So. 'Insane penis rage knife threat for 'rubbish' drug-free Peter Molyneux'.

We know what you're thinking. Typical CVG, tabloid muppets. Why can't they just write a straight headline?

Well, friend, you're mistaken. As you're about to discover, our arresting snapshot description isn't even half the story.

Peter Molyneux went on a podcast last month. The IGN one, it was. It's pretty funny - worth a listen. The UK team, presenting from Germany at Gamescom, are messing with sausages and such like. Titter-worthy stuff.

They're larking about, discussing Kinect, forgetting release dates and generally indulging in amusing chitchat. Peter's joining in, telling mirthful, mum-friendly anecdotes about German attitudes to violence and caressing chickens.

And then... oh man. Here it goes. Peter says this:

"Well, [here's] an interesting fact that may or not be true. One of the sausages reminds me of the first prototype we had of the Black & White 1 creature."

Bit odd, but nothing to get over-excited about, right? Deep breath. Seriously. Deep breath.

"I for some reason had this obsession to make them anatomically correct. So the first version of this giant ape had this sort of beautifully physically correct - I'm going to say the word - penis dangling between its legs... which morphed depending on how excited your creature was."

Shock. Flame-bearded IGN man Martin Robinson retorts - with what any sane man would.

"My God."

But he's a pro, is Martin. Knows he's got to get things back on a journalistic footing.

"Was it a good penis or an evil penis?"

Brilliant.

Molyneux continues: "The idea was [that] there was going to be two creatures... I don't know what was going through my mind. I wasn't even on class A drugs! It was this bizarre thing. Especially in America! Even if you show nipples they go insane, rating it under-the-counter product. It just goes to show you just how rubbish I am as a designer, really."

Stop press? Not yet. That's nothing.


"They did actually model it - and the artist that modelled it ended up going completely insane. [He] threatened to knife me... absolutely true story. He went on to found Media Molecule. Chap called Mark Healey.

"Driven mad by making huge, sausage-like penises on apes - that's the sort of thing I get people to do at Lionhead."

Listen through the link below. Email us. Reassure us we haven't lost our minds.
Clicky

 

[mameks]

wut...

 

[Deleted User]

How stereotypical. The first guy to comment on 'Insane penis knife threat' is called 'shlong'. -_-

 

[GeekyGuy]

wut...

QFT

 

[R2DJ]

Guess I'm not a shlong...

 

[Deleted User]

It's about Peter Molyneux on an IGN podcast talking about... Kinect.

 

[Overlord Nadrian]

Please, don't center the text in your posts, it makes it hard as hell to read.

 

[Deleted User]

better?

 

[Overlord Nadrian]

Much better.

 

[Deleted User]

Happy

 

[Issac]

Haha, that's quite funny

 

[YayMii]

Guess I'm not a shlong...

Guess you're a shlort then.

 

[Deleted User]

Guess I'm not a shlong...

Guess you're a shlort then.

He has a shlort shlong?

 

[zeromac]

Da FAK is this?

Well that sure was weird, morphing ape penisies caused the creation of one of the most reknowned PS3 games ever, go figure..

 

[Deleted User]

It is Peter Molyneux