"(Heisei era)24-7-27
(Aka 2012-7-27)
Phoenix Goddess,
Happy birthday. I hope all of your wishes come true. I hope that a sexy, handsome man gives you a naked lapdance(

)
Close enough for you to smell him(I think).
~The Perverted Densetsu (

)
P.S. You fail this test if you get a Japanese friend to translate this."
Of course I took some liberties somewhere in there, but I tried my best to make it sound natural. And saying "the perverted Densetsu" is totally natural.
Their English probably isn't good enough to translate it, to be honest. And some of them use google translate to say things in English. Remember a certain "pooshy" word?

Not to mention they would totally see me as a giant pervert if they read that >___>
Or both of us D: