10 ways Microsoft's retail stores will differ from Apple's

Discussion in 'Computer Games and General Discussion' started by VVoltz, Feb 24, 2009.

  1. VVoltz
    OP

    VVoltz The Pirate Lord

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    10 not-yet-announced facts for the soon to be open Microsoft Retail Stores in the US:

    1. Instead of Apple's sheer walls of glass, Microsoft's stores will have brushed steel walls dotted with holes—reminiscent of Windows security.

    2. The store will have six different entrances: Starter, Basic, Premium, Professional, Enterprise, and Ultimate. While all six doors will lead into the same store, the Ultimate door requires a fee of US$100 for no apparent reason.

    3. Instead of a Genius Bar (as Apple provides) Microsoft will offer an Excuse Bar. It will be staffed by Microsofties trained in the art of evading questions, directing you to complicated and obscure fixes, and explaining it's a problem with the hardware—not a software bug.

    4. The Windows Genuine Advantage team will run storefront security, assuming everybody is a thief until they can prove otherwise.

    5. Store hours are undetermined. At any given time the store mysteriously shuts down instantaneously for no apparent reason. (No word yet on what happens to customers inside).

    6. Stores will be named Microsoft Live Retail Store with PC Services for Digital Lifestyle Enthusiasts.

    7. Fashioned after Microsoft's User Account Control (UAC) in Vista, sales personnel will ask you whether you're positive you want to purchase something at least twice.

    8. Xbox 360 section of the store will be organized in a ring—which will inexplicably go red occasionally.

    9. DreamWorks will design a scary in-store theme park ride called "blue screen of death."

    10. Store emergency exits will be unlocked at all times so people can get in anytime they want even if the front doors are locked.

    Take it with a smile =)
    Original story here.
     
  2. Tozarian

    Tozarian GBAtemp Regular

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    I loled
     
  3. Maz7006

    Maz7006 iSEXu

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    I really had a good laugh, thanks for this it made my day.
     
  4. tomqman

    tomqman This Is Everyone's Fault But Mine.

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    lmfao i thought this was going to be serious

    11. there will be free internet access, if you wish to do any thing it will cost you $49.99 a year, also if you want to bring your laptop along remeber $99 for wifi
     
  5. ENDscape

    ENDscape REBORN! I will post with my Dying Will!!!

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    [​IMG] haha its really true. Especially the rrod, i like that one.
     
  6. shadow1w2

    shadow1w2 Still here.

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    Blue screen of death the ride.
    Now thats gotta be an awesome ride.

    They better have "I survived the blue screen of death" T-shirts. And they better be in blue.....

    Personally I think an MS store wouldn't be too bad.
    They tend to go the extra mile sometimes.
    I'm sure it'll be a hundred times better than the OS.

    Though the Linux store has always been a little funky.
    Not a single employee. All do it yourself.
    Also not much of a market, being mostly free.
    More like a picnic basket really.
    Or maybe an apple tree or something.

    Hmm, that makes me thirsty.

    I'll see you guys at the excuse bar.
     
  7. da_head

    da_head A dying dream..

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    Toronto, Canader!
    lol nice
     
  8. Edgedancer

    Edgedancer Director of Moon based operations

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    Good one. I wasn't aware that MS was going to open up their won stores. Is it just in America or are they opening in Australia as well.
     
  9. Diablo1123

    Diablo1123 Newcomer

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    Lol an Linux Store

    That would be awesome

    Think anyone would be able to set one of those up?
     
  10. da_head

    da_head A dying dream..

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    Toronto, Canader!
    "I would like to purchase this please." [​IMG]
    "Are you sure?" [​IMG]
    "Yes?" [​IMG]
    "Are you reallly sure?" [​IMG] [​IMG]
    "I SAID FUCKIN YES"
    *Blue screen of death*
    "OMF@%*&#*%&#*%&#%#%"

    [​IMG]
     
  11. mrfatso

    mrfatso That guy!!

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    @Your Home,behind the sofa
    damn straight they should, haha, i loled at this article.

    hmm, maybe at the store they have a MY section, offering my document printing, my picture development?

    Me: Hi i like to have my picture developed.
    MS salesman: sure it will take 10 mins
    ---10 mins later----
    Me: hi i like collect my photograph please
    MS: sure, gimme a moment
    ---Hands over package---
    ME:!^%& WTF, this isn't my picture, wait a min... is that your face?
    MS: MS has encounter a illegal operation and needs to be closed.

    ----Me gets kicked out of MS store----
     
  12. Trolly

    Trolly GBAtemp Advanced Maniac

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    Behind you! I know you looked!
    Aha, that's all too funny.
    12. Paperclip store guide?
    I'll leave you to think of some funny quotes for that [​IMG].
     
  13. HBK

    HBK Clover - Fearless to Speak Now. ;)

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    Me: I need help.
    Assistent: Yeah, sure...what kind?
    Me: Um...I got a question about X (insert bitching about prog not working or something)
    Assistant: You've got questions, we've got dancing paperclips.
    Me: OMFG. O.o
     
  14. shadow1w2

    shadow1w2 Still here.

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    Xbox bluntly smashed into the face. Or em.... paper clip.

    Who doesn't hate that thing?
     
  15. fateastray

    fateastray GBAtemp Advanced Fan

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    Mwharhar 10 points !

     
  16. UltraMagnus

    UltraMagnus hic sunt dracones

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    well, of course the customers first have to build the store too. [​IMG]
     
  17. juggernaut911

    juggernaut911 GBAtemp Slut!

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    .compilebrick
    .placebrick

    rinse, wash, repeat
     
  18. Friendo

    Friendo Advanced Member

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    lol I thought this was going to be serious too.
    Good post [​IMG]
     
  19. anotherlostgamer

    anotherlostgamer Member

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    Lol [​IMG]

    13. The store will have an unique display of wooden horses with a bunch of spartans inside to completge the decoration. This decision was made by the store owner himself, that declared he also added the AVG Free, but made no difference on the outcome.