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DesCube

DesCube

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  • DesCube
    over a year ago, i fell to a disorder named ruminative ocd, and in the beginning phases of it, i was left bedridden for a week straight. i was in so much fear and confusion, that i was pretty much left paralyzed, unable to leave bed, it felt like too much to handle at once. i was deeply lost in my own head, thinking of things the people around me couldnt even comprehend, as i laid there, solid in fear. i was pondering time, space, biology, the very dna that makes us up. it felt like i was lost in a dark room inside my own head, except that room had no walls, it was just aimless darkness. in this time, it truly felt like i had died. it felt like i had left my body, died, and was seamlessly reattached, and revived without me realizing it. (continued)
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    DesCube
    DesCube
    Because ever since this moment, nothing ever felt exactly the same. I am still exactly who i am, i still do the things i do, i still act the way that i act (even though i do change), but my baseline common sense for reality and the things around me felt like it had been erased.

    I dont really have...anything going on in my life, and i dont have friends, so what i do most of the time is simply think. I think, and think and think, sometimes for hours. I am emotionally intelligent, i understand the emotions of others like glass, yet ive never been able to understand myself in any possible way. Im upset? well, i dont know why. but in these moments where i think, i am able to fully reflect on myself, and understand myself better. And after i had done all of that, this is what i have to say.
    DesCube
    ive never ever dissed somebody before in a song, but i think its actually finally time. theres only one person i can fathom doing it to and im gonna do it
    DesCube
    im gonna say this now in the hopes i dont eventually fuck up my shit: i want you to know that if something i ever say sounds wrong, or against what society wants people to think nowadays, whether whatever i say is sexist, racist, homophobic, literally whatever it might be, its not what i mean in my heart, and i want you to know that i wish i didnt feel these ways, its just that the severe mental conditions i live under cause spiraling issues, from something that may seem small, it affects one thing, then another thing, and another thing, and i will say things that even if i know im technically right, are incredibly rude, insensitive, and are said in the total wrong ways. [continued in reply]
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    DesCube
    DesCube
    the fuck you on? i wasnt trying to have a winning philosophical contest where you clearly are only capable of having a worldly pessimistic outlook. anyway, its not related to my point
    x65943
    x65943
    "The only reason you exist, is because of love"

    I'm not sure how what I said is unrelated
    DesCube
    DesCube
    yeah, but why did i say that?
    DesCube
    man im actually getting concerned about the shit ive been saying, this disorder does way more then i ever thought it would
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    K3Nv4
    K3Nv4
    Some states offer government funded therapy that insurances mostly cover assuming you have medical insurance.
    DesCube
    DesCube
    i think im sending the wrong message, im not retarded
    K3Nv4
    K3Nv4
    Just trying to give helpful advice as someone who has dealt with issues to get any decent help out of life.
    DesCube
    One of the only feelings to transcend love and hate, is lament. You hate your worst enemy, you love your soulmate, but when your soulmate is gone, you miss them. And when your enemy is gone, you miss them too.
    x65943
    x65943
    "when your enemy is gone, you miss them too."

    Do mosquitoes count as enemies?
    DesCube
    DesCube
    no, thats an archnemesis, not an enemy. also its ironic you ask that because mosquitos absolutely love me. i thought "hmm, they rarely go for the hands, so why dont i wear a long sleeve" they just bit my hands instead. and usually, they dont bite once, they like triple dip
    DesCube
    yknow what really upsets me? think of any game that is probably set in japan, or is japanese themed....you probably thought of a game with anime graphics, right? yeah....why? i want a realistic game, one that shows what japanese people look like, that shows the reality of japan, not this nonsense.
    DesCube
    yall can we all be real, making a console or fashion/shoe is really easy. the hardest part is branding. Playstation? genius. 1 curvy line? 3 straight lines? how the fuck does it work?
    DesCube
    If your son had cancer, what would you do?
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    x65943
    x65943
    god is all powerful

    the devil is not

    god can destroy the devil at any time - but chooses not to
    DesCube
    DesCube
    he already did defeat the devil. jesus died for our sins, stripping away the devil of his power, by letting us sin without death.
    x65943
    x65943
    So when is the part where he actually gets rid of the devil and cancer etc
    DesCube
    man is it just me or do i just like wake up with nerfs or buffs ever so often? like one day i woke up and said "hmm, i feel like drawing today, i know im never good at it, but i feel like it today" and then i turned out to be an absolutely amazing artist after years of not doing it. Then one day i opened mspaint and thought "hmm, i see all of those people painting really realistic paintings in mspaint, i wonder what its limits are" and then thats how i learned i was a painter. Then one day i woke up with severe ocd...so...uh, well
    DesCube
    You know, i just kinda realized something...you know how well, i mean maybe not you, but most would say the one thing they miss is their innocence? im only now realizing innocence is a choice. When i was very very young, i had a conversation with my brother about pornography, i was trying to guide him. he asked why it was so bad, and his excuse was that my father had done it too, and that he saw him on pornhub. To this day i still believe this is a misunderstanding, but still. Who said its okay that he is doing it? and once we distilled it all a little, we discussed together what is okay and not okay to watch. (continued in reply)
    DesCube
    DesCube
    We came around to anime, and of course in this context, hentai. He listed a few ones that he knew to avoid, and...well im not sure how he knew those names, thats a little weird, but, of course, all i had to go off of was the names he listed, not the context. And so from that, i started assuming about them, and making jokes about them based on their names, and how they of course dont sound like what they really are. That embarrassed him because it was like i was playing dumb, he didnt wanna have to explain that it wasnt what i thought, but i knew exactly what it was, else i wouldnt have understood the previous conversation.

    with all of my knowledge, i still chose innocence.
    DesCube
    1782455015562.png

    Okay i finished the actual thumbnail, it was slightly rough before.
    Some of you might ask how i made it...and that you probably wanted to make a lot of these too. There is no easy way. This was all made from scratch in Affinity and added the shadow and color corrected it in gimp
    Screenshot 2026-06-26 at 1.24.54 AM.png
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DesCube

DesCube

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