Virginity..

[Calafas]

Not a virgin, however i lost my virginity to my current girlfriend, and we're still together well over a year later (started about 2 months into our relationship). Both our parents know, her mum even put her on the pill just to make sure, and her mum doesnt seem to mind, and my parents dont mind aslong as we're safe and sensible.
She was my first time, at age 15, but i wasnt her first time at age 13, which is kinda worrying and really plays on my mind, and can quite upset me sometimes, but what can i do about it?

I guess going into was quite worrying, knowing she'd had sex before, so it wasnt going to be like both our first times, i was worried she'd kinda, be expecting a certain standard, if you like, and it was my first time, what if i wasnt good enough? :S
She 'cheated' on me a bit into our relationship, she didnt sleep with the other guy, but they did stuff, however i didnt find this out till around a year in, if i'd have found it out in the first couple of months, it would have probably been over then, but we'd been together for a year, and it was only a month into our relationship, but that still plays on my mind also.
But at the end of the day, I love her, our relationship isnt only about sex, we go out, we have a good time, sure we have sex, but thats an added extra - our relationship isnt built on it.

 

[Toni Plutonij]

Toni - I'll post pictures up of my boys.. maybe one of me lol.
I'd really like that

*snip
I agree with you War..However, I did have my first sex at the age of 16, but I'm still with the very same girl, we haven't planned to do it just for the sake of it, but did it out of love, and I'm planning to marry that girl, so I think we did a right thing..
I know that I don't regret nothing, and from what I know, she's extremely happy with the things that are right now..

QUOTE(Calafas @ Jan 7 2009, 12:48 AM)

*snip

Yeah, finding out that one that you love actually messed with somebody else during your relationship can really create a big chaos in ones head..
I can only imagine how that felt, but I'm glad that you're actually "over" it...
I hope you won't experience something like that ever again!

 

[Ellara]

Mid-20's and still a virgin. I think it'd only be lost if it was via coercion/rape, because I'm just physically & mentally not interested in having sex.

I've never been attracted to anyone, not even other women, and my body has never had those urges so it's like... meh, it's just not for me I guess. No need to seek it when I have no needing for it. I think even if I did consent to it freely it'd be pretty boring yet physically painful (arousal and attraction are very important for making sex pleasurable).

Asexuality: Making committed relationships impossible in the long-term!

 

[EmperorOfCanada]

Asexuality: Making committed relationships impossible in the long-term!

Explain?

 

[Ellara]

Asexuality: Making committed relationships impossible in the long-term!

Explain?

Asexual person wants companionship, but not sex because they don't have the urge or attraction necessary to want it. Finds great friend whom they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Friend is not asexual and wants sex in their long-term relationship. Conflicts arise over the needs of both (very unwanted for one, vital need for the other). One or both partners are unhappy when compromise has to happen or non-asexual partner seeks physical gratification elsewhere with/without permission. Inevitable break-up occurs.

Yeah, it's a vicious cycle.

 

[EmperorOfCanada]

Asexuality: Making committed relationships impossible in the long-term!

Fixed! I figure as long as both partners are Asexual, it works out great!

 

[Ellara]

Asexuality: Making committed relationships impossible in the long-term!

Explain?

Asexual person wants companionship, but not sex because they don't have the urge or attraction necessary to want it. Finds great friend whom they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Friend is not asexual and wants sex in their long-term relationship. Conflicts arise over the needs of both (very unwanted for one, vital need for the other). One or both partners are unhappy when compromise has to happen or non-asexual partner seeks physical gratification elsewhere with/without permission. Inevitable break-up occurs.

Yeah, it's a vicious cycle.

Fixed! I figure as long as both partners are Asexual, it works out great!

Haha, yes! Asexuals are pretty rare to find as it is, but it does work when they find each other and are compatible. After all, you couldn't expect a gay man and a straight woman to be happy in a (non-open) marriage. Them urges be wantin' satisfyin'. No shame in admitting that on some level it is hardcoded to be satisfied sooner or later.

 

[Maktub]

Ah, the subject of virginity. Personally, I find it so sickening how most teenagers treat virginity nowadays. Apparently, they think its "cool" and some sort of achievement to lose your virginity, and the younger you lose it, the "cooler" you are. Just thinking about that infuriates me.

I'm not religious at all, but I still think that you should only have sex when you are with someone you REALLY love and you know things will work out with them. I'm 17, still a virgin, and I don't plan on losing my virginity at LEAST until I get out of high school. Hearing about kids my age losing their virginity just sickens me. Call me old fashioned like that, I guess.

I just don't believe that 13-17 (God forbid any younger) year old kids know what love is, and shouldn't be having sex just for the hell of it. I'm not saying IM an expert, or that I know what love is, because I don't. But having sex at such a young age can be really life-changing, especially for kdis that don't know the consequences.

My parents are divorced, and I live with my mother and sister while my 2 older brothers live with my Dad in South America. My dad is one of those dad's that think that drinking is okay for a 15 year old, and having sex isn't a big deal. Because my brother grew up living with him, my brother had tons of sex at the age of 16+. What did that lead to? Right now, he is 21, has 2 kids, hasn't finished college (after dropping out), has a crappy job that doesn't make him enough to even support himself, has to borrow money from my dad monthly just to get by, and he's not even with the mother of his children.

That's one of the main reasons why I want to wait for that special someone, and I want to wait until my situation is a little more planned out. Yes, I know there's condoms and pills and all that, but there's ALWAYS that chance that the girl can still get pregnant.

Firstly, I don't think "kids nowadays" think it's so cool. Specially I've realized teens in the USA think it... "special" to save virginity. It's OK, for me, but specially teens don't really know what they want

also, mind me, but you yourself are a teenager (like me, lol) so no big deal. We're each unique and it's not such a good idea to generalize. If you're of certain opinion it'll sound like the ones with the opposite opinion are more abundant, that's all.

Anyway, my li'l bro is about your age and he never had sex (AFAIK). He's into drugs, can barely read and isn't even capable of getting a job in a construction or something like that. Me, I began having sex at a very early age and continued doing it up to now, I'm finishin my degree in English Studies with honours, have a girlfriend with whom I feel very happy and don't even smoke a joint. So, I don't think blaming sex for those things is always appliable.

I think one of the main reasons for all this "too young for" is the fact that we want to protect kids from those things. By doing it we make them ignorant. Age=/= wits. If we assume younger=stupid/innocent, then we're actually making them even more ignorant.

Anyway, that's just my point of view. I think you're right when you say many think of it as an achievement. Nearly of all the friends my age were keen about sex and stuff when 12/13 or so. I think the "right" thing would be just to be neutral about that fact. It's not really important either way.

 

[Jarjaxle]

How many of you have lost virginity (had their first sex)?
still a virgin

At what age did you do it?
havnt yet

Was that experience good/bad (good sex, bad sex?)
dont know yet hopefully its good

How do you feel about it, are you sorry for not waiting, for someone other/better/more special?
dont know yet

Do your parents (if you're young) know about it, and do they approve it?
my parents wouldnt care they know i make good decisions and plus im 19 so why would they care

How much virginity actually IS IMPORTANT to you? Do you want to wait for marriage, do you enjoy one night stands, do you want to do it out of a love with your partner?!
i would like to do it with someone i love



as for the hot girl thing i was never like that surprisingly but all my friends were then they would tell me that the girl they were after wasnt to bright or just a bitch. im interested in the personality body is just a plus. but i have a hard time getting into a relationship girls always think of me as their best friend or im just to weird its kind of depressing.

 

[War]

*snip

I disagree with you. I've attended many different schools in 3 different states, and everywhere I went, sex was a huge "cool status" thing. If you wanted to be "cool", you HAD to have sex by your Sophomore year. I had a friend who I guess was considered "popular", and he told me that a lot of other friends heavily pressured him into having sex, and even threatened to stop being friends with him if he was still a virgin by a certain date. Sure, it's not ALWAYS like that, and of course if they were his real friends they'd never make him do something like that, but I just wanted to show you an example on how sex is viewed in my experiences through high school.

Also, I'm not saying that my brother's life is the way it is because he had sex at a young age. I'm saying that because he had sex and got his ex pregnant twice, his options became very restricted and he had to do things he wouldn't have had to do if he didn't have his children.

 

[KingAsix]

well I'm not sure how deep this topic has gotten as it has went from two pages to eight since the last time I looked at it but I will answer the original question posed.

I am a virgin and even though my church strongly believes that it should be saved for marriage, I'm not. Even though I still value it enough to save it for someone special....until then I got Mr.Lotion

 

[miruki]

*snip

I disagree with you. I've attended many different schools in 3 different states, and everywhere I went, sex was a huge "cool status" thing. If you wanted to be "cool", you HAD to have sex by your Sophomore year. I had a friend who I guess was considered "popular", and he told me that a lot of other friends heavily pressured him into having sex, and even threatened to stop being friends with him if he was still a virgin by a certain date. Sure, it's not ALWAYS like that, and of course if they were his real friends they'd never make him do something like that, but I just wanted to show you an example on how sex is viewed in my experiences through high school.

Also, I'm not saying that my brother's life is the way it is because he had sex at a young age. I'm saying that because he had sex and got his ex pregnant twice, his options became very restricted and he had to do things he wouldn't have had to do if he didn't have his children.

Well, isn't it more of a problem that children aren't educated enough about sex, so they become curious, nobody talks about it with them so it's kind of a taboo thing and well, it's always been cool to break taboos... I'm pretty pissed about the fact that too many children start doing it without even realising what they're really doing, but it's been like that when I was 13 too, it hasn't started that recently but it's already been like this since years. I'm very glad I've protected my virginity for 18 long years (until I finally had my not-so-amazing first sex) and I'm also very glad my little brother (16) is taking this stuff seriously too.

Anyways, I don't want to sound mean or anything, but it's your brother's fault for being stupid enough to nail a girl without a condom, doesn't matter if she says she's taking the pill, I wouldn't trust that if I don't know the girl for more than a few months and have seen her doing it. And besides pregnancy, there's so many other ugly stuff that can happen without the use of condoms.. *sigh* I wish they'd teach that stuff to children more properly and parents would talk to their children about it much more as well, I'm a mother myself so this stuff annoys me alot - I'll make sure my son won't just make a random 13 y/o pregnant and that he'll think of the experience of first sex as something special so he'll wait for the right girl. *nods*

 

[Taza]

There's some hilariously naive posts in this thread: Notable highlights are aphirst's on page 2, kylehaas' on page 4 and War's on page 7.

But before I explain, some honorary mentions:

Vater Unser: +5, Insightful. (page 5)

Eternal Myst: You're probably bisexual preferring women, something like 2 on the Kinsey scale probably.

Ellara: Asexuality. Rare and treasured. It might be related to depression; try treating any such disorders if you have 'em. If not, try either a cuddlepile (polygamous closed relationship) or a hugbox. In any case, take up science if it doesn't go away - asexual scientists have less to worry about and therefore can perform research significantly better.

Mention for closed-minded person of the thread:

Toni Plutonij. Shame on you. Sexuality comes in aplenty of flavors and gay people can indeed turn straight and vice versa. Not all gay people can/will, not all straight people can/will, but it decidedly can happen.

And now for the diamonds of insight:

For everyone I've called naive *especially* and in general to anyone waiting 'til marriage: Look at Cyan and newyears1978. The chances of your first love being your true love, with what most people not waiting with sex 'til marriage and a divorce rate of 50% are hilariously slim. Heck, the chances are you'll find out a few things you want in a companion more every time you find a relationship unsustainable.

And keeping alive an otherwise unsustainable relationship is a recipe for violence, misery and psychological disorders. It turns from a relationship into something that not only corrodes itself, but the people involved as well.


Me? I lost my virginity at the age of 18. Decidedly meh, though I don't regret it - if anything, I wished I'd have had sex sooner, might have saved me from a lot of bad things. The trust between me and my companion at the time? After the relationship ended, I got a STD check. Fortunately, I was clean.

Which is really what I suggest everyone to do. Pick someone you can trust, both get tested, arrange a fitting form of protection, and get those urges sated. Preferably more or less as soon as they begin to really bother you. Love's good, but not mandatory, friends with benefits works too.

Because, well, love is painful, wonderful and pointless, very often. It's an experience quite unlike any other, but in the end it does not conquer everything. Heck, there are plenty of perfectly mundane things most people will encounter that love won't conquer. Doubly so for long distance relationships. Bad idea btw.

Say you're 13 and want to have sex? Use protection, go for it, and if you switch partners, for the sake of everyone, get yourself tested every now and then. It's certainly better than finding out your One True Love you want to be forever with isn't anything of the kind, driving you to a murder-suicide. No personal experience though, I just started drinking hard booze. And yeah, I was 100% sure, and after that relationship I wised up and got a STD check.

In hindsight, those aren't diamonds of *insight* per se. I think they're more diamonds of cold hard experience.

EDIT: And by god, masturbate. Constantly repressing and denying your urges is what causes both rapists and cancer, both universally agreed to be bad things.

 

[Toni Plutonij]

Toni Plutonij. Shame on you. Sexuality comes in aplenty of flavors and gay people can indeed turn straight and vice versa. Not all gay people can/will, not all straight people can/will, but it decidedly can happen.

You're obviously got really wrong impression about me, I'm not closed-minded at all, and you can't actually comment on my post about Eternal, because that was totally subjective opinion, pointed exactly at him, not my general opinion on the matter..
As you saw, Eternal started to troll lately, and I thought that this post was troll attempt and not his real experience, I would expected something like that from member that blogged about his sexual urges towards his cousin (or something like that)..
So you're wrong about that..also, you're wrong in your opinion about 13 years old having sex!
They aren't physically evolved enough to do it!! (in most cases), not to mention that they are really too young in their heads..
I really don't know any, and I really mean ANY person that would be OK with their 13 years old daughter having sex!!

It's always easier with the boys......but when you have daughter, fathers are always overprotective, and encouraging sex at that age is really bad idea.....

 

[Taza]

Do you know the age of consent in Japan?

What about Sweden?

Heck, in the case of young teens - Germany and Canada with their exceptions?

EDIT: Clarifying. The age of consent in Canada is 12 as long as the partner is no older than 14.

 

[EmperorOfCanada]

I lost my virginity to Toni last month in EOF... it wasnt consentual.....

 

[Calafas]

you're wrong in your opinion about 13 years old having sex!
They aren't physically evolved enough to do it!! (in most cases), not to mention that they are really too young in their heads..
I really don't know any, and I really mean ANY person that would be OK with their 13 years old daughter having sex!!

It's always easier with the boys......but when you have daughter, fathers are always overprotective, and encouraging sex at that age is really bad idea.....

But the society we're living in today, it doesnt fall to parents to 'encourage sex', even at that young age, there will be pressures from friends at school, or all the 'popular' kids doing it, even at that early age. Now if you had children, knowing that the moment they get into high school they're going to be subject to all this kind of talk about sex, instead of trying to stop it (which would likely cause the child to rebel making them more anxious to try it!) wouldnt you rather sit down with them, and explain to them yourself about the consequences, and *really* being safe, maybe even talking to their partners parents about it, if theyre of a relatively young age?
The point is, they're exposed to all of this at school and maybe if they go out or whatever, wouldnt it be better for parents to talk about the emotional side of it and that (i know children get sex ed. at school, but a 1 to 1 with parents would be better), instead of trying to stop them doing it, which could cause them to rebel, or feel sexually repressed when they grow up?

[note, not wanting a flaming argument/to troll, just want a serious convo

]

 

[Toni Plutonij]

But the society we're living in today, it doesnt fall to parents to 'encourage sex', even at that young age, there will be pressures from friends at school, or all the 'popular' kids doing it, even at that early age. Now if you had children, knowing that the moment they get into high school they're going to be subject to all this kind of talk about sex, instead of trying to stop it (which would likely cause the child to rebel making them more anxious to try it!) wouldnt you rather sit down with them, and explain to them yourself about the consequences, and *really* being safe, maybe even talking to their partners parents about it, if theyre of a relatively young age?
The point is, they're exposed to all of this at school and maybe if they go out or whatever, wouldnt it be better for parents to talk about the emotional side of it and that (i know children get sex ed. at school, but a 1 to 1 with parents would be better), instead of trying to stop them doing it, which could cause them to rebel, or feel sexually repressed when they grow up?

[note, not wanting a flaming argument/to troll, just want a serious convo

]
Taza's words:
QUOTESay you're 13 and want to have sex? Use protection, go for it

I'm strongly against that, I said it's not good idea to encourage sex at that age..It's good to start learning your kids about that stuff early, it's good to teach them how to act if they come to that situation, but it's not good to encourage them!!
Would you say to your 13 years old kid, here, have a condom and have as much sex as you can at tonight friends birthday party?!

 

[Taza]

I'd never do that.

I would, however, explain the dangers and advise on the use of protection... far earlier than that.

I don't really care if 13-year-olds have sex. I wouldn't care if they were my kids either. The important thing is to avoid violence and diseases.

 

[Toni Plutonij]

I'd never do that.

I would, however, explain the dangers and advise on the use of protection... far earlier than that.

I don't really care if 13-year-olds have sex. I wouldn't care if they were my kids either. The important thing is to avoid violence and diseases.

Well, when you put it like that, it's a completely different thing..and I'd agree on that right away!!