Since my last post in this thread, I have discovered true despair. I have lost the reasons to live and my hope of a better life is slowly fading away.
My life consists of browsing the Internet, playing games, reading mangas and watching TV and anime. I wake up, do that and then go to sleep, only to do the same the next day over and over again. For the most time this was okay, but starting in 2015, I've felt emptiness slowly coming in. And now I'm a the end of the road. None of this is entertaining or fun for me, I have stopped feeling anything. When I wake up, I want to go back to sleep because there is just no reason to live. Nothing in my life has a reason anymore and what I'm doing is pointless. (On top of that, Nintendo has permanently banned my 3DS. This too is a major loss for me, I hope hackers find a way to undo it.)
The only thing that keeps me living is the hope that everything can get better. There's nothing materialistic that could make me feel happy. In order to fix my life, I need a person that can relate to me and dedicate my life to this person. In other words, I need a girlfriend that is as much a loser as I am, dead inside and with no reason to live. Only when I meet a person that is truly like me and build my life around this person, I can get my happiness back. That is the hope.
The problem is that I have no idea how I could meet such a person. In the last few days, I went outside two times in the late afternoon. I was thinking, the person I'm looking for would probably look like this:
(literally dead inside, an empty shell)
But then, if I see such a person and I'm thinking she could be the one I'm looking for, what would I do? How would I approach her? I only go outside when it's dark (this way nobody can observe me), how would I start talking with a girl I've never seen before, especially at that time? I still haven't come up with an answer. And with every passing day, my hope of accomplishing this gets smaller and smaller.
...And that's how it is right now. This society doesn't hold a place for me, I have no interest in being an active part of it. I need to build my own society, together with the person I'm looking for. But what will I do if I lose that hope, the only thing that keeps me living? I don't want to think about it.
At the same time, I must get a stable source of income. I do not want to further leech off my parents.
Well back at the time where i first fell in love I had social anxiety was overwheight and had a lot of obsesive compulsive disorder
then after getting knocked back pretty harshly by her, since i was crazy in love with her i started to practice sport( so i loosed 30 kg in 5 month) I got rid of my social anxiety and my obsesive disorder then
I managed to be less shy and 1 year and an half after i mooved on
the fun thing is that because of her i had depression and because of that i repeat a year to end up in her class at autumn xD
Then i finally mooved on, eventually had a girlfriend but it didn't last
and then 10 month have past and here i am
I got rid of my social anxiety and i'm not shy anymore
I don't have obsesive compulsive disorder anymore
And i look pretty hot since i do about 3h of sport per day 6 times per week
Plus I now know how to speak to people and now the hardest part for me isn't to seduce anymore but to find someone I find interesting and attractive xD
anyway even if i think you shoudl have speak to this girl, it is the past and I'm the kind of guy who have no regret because it is my mistakes which made what i am today
So i think you should just try to be a better version of yourself maybe less shy or i don't know it's your job to recognize in what you could be better
so the next time you see her or maybe someone else you will be able to speak to this person but whatever don't have regret, it is your mistakes that make what you are now ^^
Wow, losing 30kg in just 5 months is really impressive. I too was overweight, weighing about 95kg when I was 14. I will turn 19 in a month and now I'm only weighing about 67kg. Some lifestyle changes made me lose a lot of weight, mainly going vegan, not eating fast food or anything that is too greasy and only drinking tap water.
About that girl, after all this time I have now moved from her. Prior, I wanted to desperately see her, now I don't care anymore. She was pretty, but there's no chance she could understand me.
I haven't dated a lot of people either i've only had 1 other girlfriend in the past but i am currently in a pretty good relationship
she gets the shit i deal with and doesn't get pissy when i'm cranky and vice versa, and honestly i used to be one of those people as well
never went out
didn't do sports
thought having a lover was a bother but you know what?
fuck all of that you need to get out of your shell and talk to people man, you'll be a lot happier that way
Sounds nice, but for me it wouldn't work. You seem to be a normal functioning human, while I am not. Like I said before, there's no place for me in this society.
