Seeking Advice from a Friend

[KingAsix]

Ok check this out...My friend was having issues with his girlfriend and they decided to date other people for awhile....Less than three days after deciding this the girl is already with some other guy. After realizing what a dummy he was my friend tried to get her back but she refused to simply break up with the guy for him. Now according to the girl she still loves my friend, but thinks it rather wrong to just up and leave him after a couple of days and she says the new guy makes her happy. My friend, after quickly recovering from a spiraling depression, decides to wait til she is done with this new guy to get her back. I told him I just thinks shes keeping him around like a spare tire so when her current one pops she can quickly change, but he didn't listen. After about a week he begins to grow tired of the situation cause all she does is call him (basically as a secondary person to talk to after her new boyfriend) and discusses her life with the new guy. Recently he's considered to go back to dating and even not taking her back. When my friend told his ex that he thought about not taking her back...she, as we both expected, got sad as they'd plan to get back together and resume where the relationship left off (basically she intends to get back with my friend whenever she is done with a new guy....a fallback). They intend to discuss the situation later tonight, but he has had bout enough and I think he is finally coming to a conclusion that she is using him as a fallback plan because when they were on the phone earlier he said she called him only to return his previous call and had the nerve to say aloud...I wonder what (boyfriend's name) is doing. After that comment he got off the phone with her and told her to go talk to him then. He wants to know what to do about all this but I don't know what to tell him really...any helpful and non-stupid advice tempers.

 

[Hells Malice]

She has two boy toys. That...pretty much describes the situation. She is just using both guys as she pleases. She is incredibly obviously not ready for a real relationship.

The best idea for your friend is to forget her. He may have feelings for her, but he pretty much needs to realize that, if she's willing to treat him like the pile of shit she has, she doesn't like him as much as he likes her. Thus meaning he could do better, and should just move on.
Chances are even if they get back together, similar shit will happen in the future.

Or you could let this fiasco run its course, but it could go one of three ways.
1: They eventually break up again, and hopefully your friend realizes "derp, i'm being used" and goes on to find (hopefully) a better relationship with a different girl.
2: The girlfriend actually realizes how much she likes your friend, and the relationship lasts (rare)
3: Same as 1, but your friend doesn't learn his lesson and becomes a doormat.

1 is a good outcome, 2 is a great but unlikely outcome, 3 is the risk factor for letting the relationship run its course, and it's a big risk. Becoming a doormat is NOT a good thing at all, and a lot of guys have huge issues breaking out of that trend.

 

[Icealote]

I dislike girls who behave like that yet I don't have the complete history about them both. Since you've given us with that story to work with. I'd say for you, you'll have to let your friend to decide. Either wait in pain and expect what he predicts or you can waste your time trying to change his life.
You as his friend cannot do anything. He needs to sit and really contemplate what he needs and wants in his life because if he knows his girlfriend (or ex or whatever she is in his eyes) isn't treating him right, something needs to change.

I sympathise with his situation though, I've seen friends do this a lot and end up in pain and become so bitter. So I would encourage his focus towards his needs and wants and work out a goal that would motivate him to be happy for a change (from the sound of the story).

 

[nando]

i don't know why kids need relationships. i'm assuming you and your friend are in junior high or high school. relationships aren't for kids. if he wants to go around and have sex with girls, he should do just that. no need to go through serious relationships at his age, it's just silly/absurd.

just be young and have fun.

 

[Splych]

hmm... after reading that , it sounds exactly like what Hells Malice described the situation as .
just tell him to move on ,
and possibly, find a new girl .

 

[KingAsix]

Thanks with the advice so far...im gonna let him decide but he keeps coming t me like I know the damn answer...and we are both 19

 

[Hells Malice]

i don't know why kids need relationships. i'm assuming you and your friend are in junior high or high school. relationships aren't for kids. if he wants to go around and have sex with girls, he should do just that. no need to go through serious relationships at his age, it's just silly/absurd.

just be young and have fun.

Highschoolers aren't kids. Some are capable of relationships. Though you're somewhat right, a lot of highschoolers aren't ready.
Too many mistake infatuation for love, and unfortunately infatuation doesn't last too long.

 

[Icealote]

i don't know why kids need relationships. i'm assuming you and your friend are in junior high or high school. relationships aren't for kids. if he wants to go around and have sex with girls, he should do just that. no need to go through serious relationships at his age, it's just silly/absurd.

just be young and have fun.

I believe that sounds so ignorant. I don't know if you ever remember that most kids actually do that because sometimes it's the trend to have a relationship and its exclusive in the younger days. Other factors are that "kids" actually feel genuine towards each other and it truly depends on how these "kids" as you call them are raised in their environment.

Normalising his friends situation isn't helpful. That to me is being "silly". This is my opinion.

QUOTE(JinTrigger @ Oct 5 2010, 10:03 AM) Thanks with the advice so far...im gonna let him decide but he keeps coming t me like I know the damn answer...and we are both 19

I say redirect the question back to him. For example,

"What do you want to change?"
"How could you change that?"

Just something to say after you acknowledge his need for direction.

 

[Frost>>&gt]

1. She's using him
2. She doesn't want to break up with the new guy because that seems wrong to her. Perhaps she got mad at your freind and impulsively got with a new guy and now is not mad (or not so mad) and wants your freind back. but doesn't want to break up with the guy she is with now because that sounds just wrong, doesn't that kindof sound wrong too you? of course if that is the case she shouldn't have gotten with that guy anyway.
3. she's inbetween, she doesn't know who she wants most....yet?

All three are hypotheses. I'm not saying I listed all of the possabilitys but he should wait.....instead of just rushing into another relationship and thinking she's using him, and then relizing it was actually she didn't know who she wanted or she chose impulsivly. See what I'm saying? He NEEDS TOO WAIT. And time will tell. it's a kinda sometimes painfull to wait and watch..... it'll be hard so slowy start to move on if time doesn't tell. but he shouldn't go out and get a new girl quite yet.

 

[Chaosruler]

Where's Monkat with his rants about not having girlfriend problem threads?