Relationship Advice?

[Garchomp]

This is about the only site i know that would be able to answer this question and ChaCha is not answering it.....it's pretty long, please answer it if you know what to do because im confused XD


I really dont know what to do right now at this point. I like this girl at school and im pretty sure she likes me. She has gone to a cadet ball with me without heistating to say yes and she also made sure she slow-danced with me and was very nervous when she did it. she follows me with her eyes and looks away when i look back at her. we have had a little trust problem in the past, but that is over and done with and left in the past. i really want to date her but she has said before she says she prefers being single, and i dont know if thats her playing hard to get. i also heard from one of my friends that she said that it was cute of me to straight up ask her to the ball instead of texting her....so im guessing she is one of those people who likes to be told things in person. all of the things we do with each other obviously points out our attraction to each other but idk if she is confused or what about a relationship. Do i talk to her parents about it? Do i tell her my feelings? What do i do? Thanks for answering!

 

[jpxdude]

You were brave enough to ask her to the ball, I think you should take a chance and set up a good date. It seems like she is definitely attracted to your confidence, and vulnerability at the same time, so you should just go for it!

 

[Garchomp]

OK so I should find some place (other than school) where i can talk to her in private and ask her out maybe?

Edit: Also it would be fine if i came up and talked to her while she was with 2 or 3 friends wouldn't it?

 

[rastsan]

Don't treat it like a "date".
Why would you not talk to her at school?
Is she really so shy she can't have anyone talk to her at school?
I wouldn't waste my time on texting (I myself hate that). If you can't talk to me in person then don't bother wasting my time in texting me. Anything you can say in a text message you can say in person - if you can't you are in trouble already.

if you do make a "date" good luck. If she isn't interested in a date do not take it to hard (there might be some really good reasons why she doesn't "date")

 

[CarbonX13]

Asking a girl out face-to-face is a much better way to portray your intentions than by text message. Since she obviously didn't mind going to the ball with you, just ask her out and see what happens. Don't be so 'shy' when you're trying to ask her out either, perhaps get a conversation started and then straight up ask her.

Good luck.

 

[Selim873]

Asking a girl out face-to-face is a much better way to portray your intentions than by text message. Since she obviously didn't mind going to the ball with you, just ask her out and see what happens. Don't be so 'shy' when you're trying to ask her out either, perhaps get a conversation started and then straight up ask her.

Good luck.

He beat me to that suggestion, no matter what, even if you barely have the chance to talk to her, don't ask out via text. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty much in the same road as you on this one, but I feel like my path is leading to a dead end...

I do wish you luck though!

 

[Panzer Tacticer]

I'm guessing you are young and you might just not have thought of this.

She might just not be ready for a relationship, and it might be age related, and she might be incapable of saying yes to something she is just not ready for.

I have always called 'dating' as a means to ending up married. You date to get to know if you want to go further.

Maybe you are trying to make more of the friendship than is required. Maybe just being a good friend is all you really require. Maybe it's all she needs right now.

My advice, enjoy her company when possible, be a great friend, and let her see you at your best. Keep your fingers crossed and maybe something happens.

Hey, been married 25 years eh, and I met my wife on a dare. Life never happens as planned

But most of all, avoid any 'mistakes' that will wreck your life. Until you are 21, you want to not write anything in stone.

 

[SinHarvest24]

Dude you already got this girl hacked. If the ball you talked about wasn't too long ago i suggest making your move fast. Here's a fact, girls won't wait forever. If a guy (let's say he's "cute") walks up to her tomorrow and ask her on a date and she accepted. How would you feel? I suggest you spill your guts out to this chick and hope for the best.

and yeah do it to her face, i think it gives a better chance for a positive answer.

Spoiler

talk to her parents, wtf dude...who does that? are you in that part of India? no flame intended

 

[GentleFist]

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[Blaze163]

Relationship advice, huh? Well, I'll try, but I state for the record that you follow any advice of mine, you forfeit the right to bitch at me if it goes wrong. Simple disclaimers for the win

- Firstly, if this girl isn't into the 'dating' scene, then don't act like a date. Become her friend and allow your relationship to grow naturally. If she's into you as much as you seem to be into her, then it'll happen. If not, then she's probably not into you that way in which case you still have a good friend and the ability to move on with your life. Either way, you win.

- If you want to tell her how you feel, here's a few serious pointers:

1) Don't go overboard. Tell her you like her. Not that you're crazy in love with her. Don't wanna scare her off.

2) Under no circumstances speak like Anakin Skywalker in his 'confession' speech from Attack of the Clones, which felt like being kicked in the plums with steel capped boots. You say anything that cliche and I'll kick you in the head myself. In all seriousness though, be eloquent but remember that the Shakesperean era ended a while back. Girls these days generally don't go for the melodrama. There are some things you just don't say.

3) Be honest with her. Girls can sense bullshit. Trust me.

4) Compliment her. Don't go apeshit and claim her eyes sparkle like a thousand perfect rainbows (and no stealing that line if you do, that's mine now), just tell her she's pretty. The old ways of romance still fly, you know. Simple honest flattery is still a valid approach. Also, don't pretend to listen to her, ACTUALLY listen to her. A simple difference but the effects are major. And NEVER interrupt her unless you have a damn good reason. Literally unless your bollocks are on fire and there's a rabid wolverine climbing up your nose, just listen to her speak, even if you're not really interested, become interested.

5) DON'T ignore it. I did once. There was a girl I was crazy about. Someone to whom I owed my very life. I always wanted to ask her out but I was convinced I wasn't good enough for her. So I kept putting it off, day after day, then one fateful day I was betrayed by those closest to me and left to die on a doorstep the other side of the country. I never saw her again. And to this day it burns me. And don't even get me started about the thing with me and Sian. Always wanted to ask her out, didn't because the age difference was a bit more worrying at the time (3 years is nothing now, but at the time I was only 16, it would've been...questionable) and now she lives in New Zealand and dates someone who's basically a cheap knock-off version of me. Don't rush it, but don't ignore it. You'll know when the moment is right. You'll FEEL it.

That should serve you reasonably well. Fairly general guidelines if anyone else has any romantic dilemas. I tend to find the reason why most relationship issues arise is a failure to grasp such basics. Hope it helps.

 

[Garchomp]

Thanks everyone!!!!!

Yes i agree with the texting thing, it is pointless to text her "hey l like you"

So i am going to "chill"(what she calls it) "hang out" or is what i call it with her sometime and tell her my feeling about her (not going overboard or anything thanks blaze).

I mean the worst she can say is no and ill still have a good friend, but i can see the obvious attraction we have to each other so all i can do is hope for the best and expect the worst.

Also i know commenting on how pretty she looks or anything is a must because trust me she is good-looking XD

And also, i probably need to start getting a bit closer to her shouldn't I? I've gotten back to her (i knew her a lil bit 8th grade and 1st semester 10th grade but i asked her to the ball which was a lil over a month ago and got to know her alot more, and this is in 2nd semester 10th grade currently) and i haven't hugged her yet! I should slap myself lol

Thanks to everyone !

 

[Mangofett]

"I want to remain single" = biggest bs told by a girl

If an attractive enough guy comes around, every girl is ready to date.

 

[nando]

"do i talk to her parents?"

lol, omg no.

she wants to remain single means she is smart and doesn't want to be tied down so young.

 

[Garchomp]

Well I feel kind of shot Down right now.......I asked her if I could give her a hug and her ride was already there so she said that she had to go and I had just found out where she was......dammit I feel stupid.....but I don't think I should take it as offensive should I?

 

[Garchomp]

someone answer the question right above please?

 

[Garchomp]

"do i talk to her parents?"

lol, omg no.

she wants to remain single means she is smart and doesn't want to be tied down so young.

yeah she's in above grade level classes like I am but she isn't in any of my classes.....she actually skipped a grade so i am a year older than her lol

I don't want to tie her down I know she has big plans for her life (like i do future Air Force Officer FTW!) but i would like a relationship with her but i wouldn't keep her from studying or anything of course

 

[Panzer Tacticer]

Well I feel kind of shot Down right now.......I asked her if I could give her a hug and her ride was already there so she said that she had to go and I had just found out where she was......dammit I feel stupid.....but I don't think I should take it as offensive should I?

For crying out loud you sound desperate and you lack confidence.

You don't 'ask' girls if you can hug them, you either do it or you don't.

You should have given her the no account not worth the stress hug and sent her on her way as if giving her a hug was no big deal (especially as it isn't).

Tell the confidence killing voice in your head to fuck off and die, you will thank me later on this one.

 

[Garchomp]

I feel like a dumbass regardless But I guess she wouldn't mind and when I did it I guess she would think "wow he actually grew a pair" me and my damn lack of confidence sometimes.........

 

[Blaze163]

Well I feel kind of shot Down right now.......I asked her if I could give her a hug and her ride was already there so she said that she had to go and I had just found out where she was......dammit I feel stupid.....but I don't think I should take it as offensive should I?

For crying out loud you sound desperate and you lack confidence.

You don't 'ask' girls if you can hug them, you either do it or you don't.

You should have given her the no account not worth the stress hug and sent her on her way as if giving her a hug was no big deal (especially as it isn't).

Tell the confidence killing voice in your head to fuck off and die, you will thank me later on this one.

Exactly. You have to find that fine line between confidence and overconfidence. A hug doesn't necessarily imply a romantic interest, it can just be between friends, therefore she wouldn't have been freaked out.

Relationships are tricky. Probably the most difficult thing we do as a species. Everybody is different, there's no one set answer. You have to find the courage to seek the answers yourself. Nobody here can give you the solution, only pointers. The best thing you can do with this entire endeavour is as follows:

1) Grow a pair. Sorry to sound crude but women respect confidence, provided it doesn't continue into arrogance. You won't get anywhere in life without courage. Asking if you can hug her shows that you have serious confidence problems. Take some risks. You only live once. Maybe twice if you're lucky.

2) Know what you want. Don't be unsure. If you know she's the one you want to be with then remember that. Focus on it. You'll find courage tends to flow naturally when there's something you want.

3) Pace yourself. Don't rush it but don't dawdle. There's a 'sweet spot' if you will. Finding it is the one thing nobody can help you with. It's a matter of both luck and judgement.

4) Listen to your feelings. Your instincts are there for a reason. You'll feel when the moment is right to make a move. That's the only truly effective way to maintain a relationship. Love isn't something that can be planned out, it's spontaneous. Instinctual. Primal. We can help you with your confidence problems but nobody can give you a magic 'get the girl' button. Nobody except Mother Nature.

As I said, it's difficult to advise anyone on relationships because no two are the same. All we can offer is general guidelines. My best advice is just to listen to her, be there for her when she needs a friend, show her that you care and allow the relationship to blossom over time. But everyone's different. Learn to read between the lines, learn to read body language and subtle hints. Women rarely just outright say 'I want to be with you', they test you to see if you're willing to go that extra mile, presumably something hardwired into the human genetic code to ensure the best we can get is passed on. They want to see determination and courage but also sensitivity. But they, like us all, want to feel special. We all want to feel like we're loved. I think that's what a lot of religion is about. We create the idea of a God so that we're all loved in some way.

And my final lesson. Always bear one thing in mind. Even women aren't 100% sure what they want. Don't expect to understand them fully. No man does. But know enough about her to be there when she needs you, make her feel special, make her the centre of your universe, and you might just stand a chance. Listen to what she has to say instead of pretending to. Women can smell bullshit a mile away. No matter what you had planned with your time, you drop it whenever she needs you. You be there when she's sad to make her feel better, generally with kind words, a hug, and some ice cream. You protect her from anyone who would hurt her, no matter the foe you stand up to them, even if you know you'll get your ass handed to you. When she's talking about stuff you don't really care about, you make the effort to care about it. You make your concerns secondary and if she feels the same way, she'll do the same. Mostly.

Class dismissed.

 

[GentleFist]

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