Post your jokes thread

[Deleted member 397813]

why did the smash player want to get into the coal industry?
he heard he would be with miners

 

[Lostbhoy]

got told by the doctor that I was infertile and I couldn’t have children. Three weeks after he told me that, my girlfriend was pregnant. Who’s the daddy!?!?

 

[Gep_Etto]

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

 

[Crazynoob458]

whats green and hops around

A FROGGE
or A LINK

 

[Lostbhoy]

Where does a General keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

 

[Lostbhoy]

A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbour with her problem.

The neighbour says, "All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red."

The woman goes out at midnight and dances around her garden naked for a few minutes. The next morning, the neighbour comes over to the woman's house and asks the woman if her tomatoes have turned red.

The woman says "No, they're still green, but I noticed the cucumbers grew four inches!"

 

[BigOnYa]

So one day at the dentists office, a woman storms in, removes her pants, sits in the dentists chair and props her legs up on the arm rests. The dentist walks in and says "Maam, I'm sorry I think you may be mistaken, this is a dentist office." She replies "I know this is! You put dentures in my husbands mouth last week, now you get them out!"

 

[Lostbhoy]

A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no.

The doctor then says, "There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry."

She does not crack a smile, but later she starts laughing. The doctor asks "What's so funny?" the patient replies "I'm imagining how they make condoms."

 

[rvtr]

To be frank, I don't care for puns that include people's names.

What do you call a weatherman that eats meat?
A meat-eat-eorologist.

I asked my mom to make me a new pair of pants. She was happy to. Or at least sew it seams.

People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi Doo.

 

[Julie_Pilgrim]

You know, we should stop making "your mom" jokes, they're old, unfunny, and have been done hundreds of times


Just like yo mama

 

[BigOnYa]

You know, we should stop making "your mom" jokes, they're old, unfunny, and have been done hundreds of times


Just like yo mama

What's the difference between your mom and a 747 airplane?
Not everyone has been in a 747 airplane....

 

[Gep_Etto]

How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but you'll need a lot of bulbs.

 

[Lostbhoy]

My school had a big problem with drugs... especially Class A.

 

[Julie_Pilgrim]

What's the difference between your mom and a 747 airplane?
Not everyone has been in a 747 airplane....

 

[Julie_Pilgrim]

Your mom is so fat, I took a pic of her in 2008

it's still printing

 

[Gep_Etto]

What's brown and rimes with Snoop?

Dr Dre.

 

[Julie_Pilgrim]

Your mom is so fat, I took a pic of her in 2008

it's still printing

Update: It's still printing

 

[Deleted member 668561]

What does a chainsaw saw?




Rrrrrrrunigganigganigganiggarrrrrrrunn!



A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing what they do with donations to their respective religious organizations. The minister says that he draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands in the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands outside the circle, he keeps. The priest uses a similar method. He draws the circle, but whatever lands outside the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands inside, he keeps. The rabbi has a slightly different method of dividing the money. He throws all the money up in the air. Whatever God wants, he keeps...

You know, we should stop making "your mom" jokes, they're old, unfunny, and have been done hundreds of times


Just like yo mama

You momma got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it

 

[Crazynoob458]

a dog and a cat was talking
the dog said i am not a furry
the cat said you have fur

 

[Gep_Etto]

My doctor told me I am beginning to lose my hearing.

It was very hard to hear that.