Post text jokes here

[hippy dave]

Idk why people marry someone they don't like. You should try marrying someone you do like, it's pretty awesome.

 

[AncientBoi]

I can take it anymore, I am getting the divorce NOW!
-Why?
Because after midnight my wife go from bar to bar, all around all the town.
-Why is she doing?
LOOKING FOR ME!

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Like, I would never have done that to you if you were with me.

Spoiler: shhhhhhh

[Checks on your location to make SURE of where you are. ]

 

[MPRTwice]

"somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me;
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed,

well, that was obviously wrong."

 

[hippy dave]

Ok so you are a tool

 

[MPRTwice]

Well, they ask if I'm a machine, specifically.

 

[hippy dave]

#sundaypunday

The rhino’s dilemma

A rhinoceros stood in the center of a cold, silent room. He was trapped, surrounded by four massive walls of polished, impenetrable granite. There were no doors, no windows, just the heavy scent of stone and the echo of his own breathing.

Determined to find a way out, he lowered his head, focused his gaze on the first wall, and charged with the force of a freight train. \*\*CRASH.\*\* The room shook, but the granite didn’t even chip.

Dazed but not defeated, he turned to the second wall. He sprinted, hooves thundering against the floor, and slammed into it. \*\*THUD.\*\* Still nothing.

He tried the third wall, pouring every ounce of his massive strength into the strike. The impact was deafening, yet the wall remained flawless.

Exhausted, panting, and covered in stone dust, the rhino slowly turned away from the final wall. He didn't look at the granite this time; instead, he looked directly into the void, straight at you.

He sighed, shrugged his massive shoulders, and asked:

“What am I supposed to do now? Am I really expected to break the fourth wall?”

 

[MPRTwice]

"Dragon Quest": "Once upon a time, a brave knight rescued a princess from an evil dragon."

"Dragon Quest II": "The story continues: his descendants defeated an evil cult, and teamed up with...the dragon's grandkid?"

"Dragon Quest III": "Origin story time!"

"Dragon Quest IV": "So um...anyways there's this other plot about some monster dude wanting to get stronger or something"

..."Dragon Quest XI S": "yeah...um...time travel...and stuff...just keep paying us money to hear more of the story...please."

Or the MCU Version:

"Iron Man" : "Once upon a time, a man put on an armored suit and rescued his girlfriend."

"Avengers" : "And then he teamed up with a guy who turns green, a U.S. stereotype, and a guy who has a lightning hammer and a red cape."

"Endgame" : "So...more time travel...totally not running out of ideas here...and...uh, let's make it sad at the end just because more views...and yeah."

"She-Hulk" : "Um...yeah let's just throw a bunch of weird stuff in and call it a day. please pay us to see this film; it's really good!"

It feels like every series does this at some point.

 

[impeeza]

How do you call an alligator in a vest?

-An investigator

 

[Something whatever]

How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

 

[impeeza]

And how do you call an Alligator with a GPS?

-A Navigator

 

[impeeza]

How do you call a red mushy thing under a Elephant's toes?

Slow moving natives.

 

[hippy dave]

Shit posting

 

[x65943]

Man: Mrs Chen, could you give me 500 yuan?
Lady: sure, first I'll ask you some questions. If you answer them right I'll give it to you!
Man: okay, ask
Lady: what are the 4 Chinese classics?
Man: dream of the red chamber, romance of the three kingdoms, the water margin, journey to the west
Lady: what are the 4 famous Chinese cuisines?
Man: canton food, Sichuan food, shandong food, yangzhou food
Lady: and china's 4 big poor bastards?
Man: that...I don't know
Lady: your great grandfather, your grandpa, your dad and you!
Man: you could have just said no, you are a
rude woman

 

[hippy dave]

You forgot to do a funny and just did a shitty dumbass basic-bitch racism

 

[Veho]

Bought one of those ‘smart light switches’ but it was much too clever - So I replaced it with a dimmer switch.

 

[impeeza]

STUPID CHILD MODS, «NO» IS NOT AN EXPLANATION, AND IF YOU ARE TRIGGED BY A JOKE, REALLY YOU NEED GO TO **** (GROWN)

 

[hippy dave]

STUPID CHILD MODS, «NO» IS NOT AN EXPLANATION, AND IF YOU ARE TRIGGED BY A JOKE, REALLY YOU NEED GO TO **** (GROWN)

I already gave you the explanation, shitty dumbass basic-bitch racism. As opposed to funny. If you can't discern between the two, it might be because you're a shitty dumbass basic-bitch racist.

 

[Veho]

STUPID CHILD MODS, «NO» IS NOT AN EXPLANATION, AND IF YOU ARE TRIGGED BY A JOKE, REALLY YOU NEED GO TO **** (GROWN)

No.

 

[Nakamichi]

I wrote a novel using only the letter "E".
Critics called it "ovrly rptitiv"

 

[Noctosphere]

I already gave you the explanation, shitty dumbass basic-bitch racism. As opposed to funny. If you can't discern between the two, it might be because you're a shitty dumbass basic-bitch racist.

Wouldn't "shitty dumbass basic *racist bitch*" be more "syntaxily correct"? (not sure if "syntaxily" is a word)