Life sucks

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Joey Ravn

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Disclaimer: I'll try not to sound too melodramatic (i.e. "emo"), but I need to let some steam off. This is just what I think about myself and the world and it is not, by any means, an instigation to make others think like I do. So, if you want to read it as a blog, you're welcome to do so. If you want to point how wrong I am and how clever you are for destroying my ethical system point by point, then go away, please. I don't want to argue with anyone, nor make anyone angry for what I say.

You see, I study English Philology at the University of Oviedo. Since I was a kid I've been in close contact with the English language. I've always read books in English, listen to music in English, played videogames in English... Spanish, my mother tongue, has been always relegated to being the tool I use to interact with my immediate surroundings. Whenever I get the chance, I speak English. Having said that, I never had the intention to study English Philology. You see, I've never been a guy of passions. Sure, I like doing some things and dislike doing others, but I've never had a constant hobby through my life. I started playing football once, but dropped out because I got bored of it fast. That's the problem, I whenever I start something I like, I get bored of it fast. Anything, from digital designing to studying physics by my own, gets old in a matter of days. While this has been an obvious problem, it does have a positive side: I can honestly say, without getting cocky, I know a little about many, many things. From philosophy to mathematics, from sports to computer sciences, from music to law, I'm able to hold my ground with those specialised in those fields.

But that's enough rambling... My parents got divorced when I was 7. I think that's when I realised how the world works, how futile and ephemeral everything is. Don't get me wrong, I'm not traumatised by the event. In fact, I'm glad my mother divorced the asshole I got for father. But, anyway, I've been, for as long as I remember, living day by day. I've always known that, when we die -- because we all die, sooner or later -- it's all over. There's no God, no afterlife. Nothing we can say, do or think during our lives will change the fact that we'll die in the future. But I can live with that. I came to understand that death is not something to be afraid of. It's... easing. Once you're dead, you're free. So why focus on your death? It will come, eventually. Let it be. Focus on your life, that's what I've always said. The thing is, I can't focus on my life. I'm hypersensitive to everything that happens around me. I mean, it's not that I can connect easily with those around me, no... It's that I have to "process" everything, like if I was "digesting" it. This renders me... numb. There's too much information, so many "maybes", so much wrong in the world I'm not able to cope with it. I can't stand being with other people for too long. They tire me. I need to be secluded in my own safe haven. "Normal" people are not affected by the ontology of love, friendship, feelings, art, culture... They just live. I can't find anything to give any kind of importance to those things. I can't believe in love because I know there's no such thing as love. Or anything human, for that matter. It's all a façade, but everyone accepts it and lives on. It's as if I wasn't able to fit into humankind. And, most of the time, I think I can't. It's really hard to express in the correct words, but experience has thought me that I'm better off alone, not in the sense of lonely or physically alone, but... without building any relations, hopes or faith in anything.

I've considered studying Engeneering, Philosophy... but, in the end, I opted for Classic Philology. Latin and Greek. After studying almost a year, I was not happy with the courses I took, so I decided to switch to English Philology. After one year and a half, I can honestly say I can't stand it anymore. Not only studying, I mean. Everything. I have lost the faith in the human race, and, above all, in myself. I've been a year and a half tolerating insults, mockery, backstabbing, etc. from my fellow "mates" from my class. "Don't worry, they'll get tired", I said to myself. "Anyway, you're doing great". And I was, with 3 distinctions (Matrícula de Honor, as we call them here) and an average of 9 in all my courses. But, you know, even though I tried not to pay attention to them, they finally got to me. What's more, this year it seems that I got the worst batch of teachers I could have ever imagined. Heck, I've stopped going to my English course because of the dimwit of my teacher. I just can't stand it anymore. I'm so, so tired I'm seriously thinking of dropping out. But, what's left for someone like me in the world? I just don't get what I'm supposed to do. Yeah, I know, know... "It doesn't rain forever". I know I still have my whole life ahead. But that's what troubles me. I feel like I've been living all my life weathering storms, hoping the future is better. But it's never better. It's a downwards spiral of shit. I had an appointment with the psychologist two weeks ago, but he doesn't help me much. I guess I'll keep living this way, weary and hopeless. It's what I've been doing my whole life, I guess.

Thanks for reading. I seriously needed to turn this into words.

PS: For the "tl;dr guys": Life sucks, university sucks, I suck. I'd really love a change, but I guess the world's too shitty to hope for anything better. *sigh*
 

Bryce

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kill yourself lol



or do what I do with antideps/ritalin/ambien everyday wooooooo
 

m3rox

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Life sucks for everyone at one time or another. Just go down some energy drinks and go for a hike at some national park or something.
 

Maktub

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Hi, mate.
Nearly same life, yours and mine. My parents got divorced some sooner, they hated each other, my father got jailed, stuff shit and bla bla. Same with the proscrastination thing. Know a lot of many things, not too much of anything (I guess that's why English Philology suits me/us as a degree, since language deals with any subject - even though you and I know 'tis all about literature and linguistics, but those two fields extend to nearly every other aspect in life).

Anyway, you're mostly right. Things suck, we're all going to die. I'm usually depressive (not depressed), tend to be not too optimistic... Some mates would also try to make fun of me in the beginning (only my gf outstands me when it comes to marks), but if you mix up with them and show them you're something else apart from a bookworm, they'll eventually get tired and some will even admire you. You say you know a lot of everything, I suggest you try (dunno if you have or not, but the likes of it are you haven't just as I hadn't till last year) with living stupidity. Understanding it - get drunk, party like they do, try to get some chicks. It's only an advice, it worked for me. I'm still getting very good marks (even better than last year) and I'm feeling generally happier.

Also, totally and completely out of the blue (or "por la cara", you know
wink.gif
), if you'd like to have some fun, you can just drop by Málaga and we could freak out or something. I usually enjoy your posts and see there's someone valuable behind them.

Cheers,

Juan
 

Joey Ravn

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WiiBlaster said:
You need Help man really

Yeah, I know... I try to do my best, but it's so hard to keep up with everything...


m3rox said:
Life sucks for everyone at one time or another. Just go down some energy drinks and go for a hike at some national park or something.

I go to the gym every day. At least, I clear my mind for a couple hours. But it's more a placebo than anything else.

Jaems said:
QUOTE said:
I can't believe in love because I know there's no such thing as love. Or anything human, for that matter.
This was really lol-worthy, btw^^

Yeah, I guess
tongue.gif
Maybe I didn't express myself as I would like to. What I mean is that I don't find anything as worthy as other people do. There's no "objective value" in anything based on human reason. Everything is subjective and its value will shift from time to time, e.g. art, morals, etc.

QUOTE(Linkiboy @ Jan 27 2009, 12:17 AM)
"I can't believe in love because I know there's no such thing as love."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_(scienti...#Neurochemistry

Yeah, I know. We're chemistry, after all. But what I meant is that I can't believe that "love makes the world go round" and all that seeing how people behave. Wars, greed, treason... "Homo homini lupus", I guess.

[email protected]: Thanks mate. Glad to hear some kind words for someone who's in a similar position. In a very strict sense, as we both study the same courses and everything
tongue.gif
 

UltraMagnus

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wow, sounds quite like me actually.
I keep getting interests too, usually quite intense for a while, but as soon as I get anywhere near good at them they just seem to loose all appeal to me. I even tried studying psychology a while ago, to see if it could explain any of this shit, I think it just made me feel worse knowing how much of a messed up pseudo-science psychology is...
University is sucking for me too, studying computer engineering here though, finding it quite boring, even though I seem to be naturally good at most of it.
 

yikkyon

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Don't feel sad...
Everyone does this one time or another in there life.
But at least your in a university!
I'm a freshmen in high school and I'll tell you right now that high school is kicking my ass so F**king hard.
But as long as you keep a smile on your face life will just... go on....
And yes life is a spiral of shit but in that piece of shit called life there is always a small speck of gold.
The question is....
Are you going to dig through the disgusting turd for that gold or are you still going to sit and wait?
lecture.gif

It's only worth living if you have something to life for
yaynds.gif
....





PS: My whole life has been a tragic comedy so if you think your world sucks... think again...
 

Smuff

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It doesn't get any better guys........ you should try almost-middle-age for kicks.
It's a blast
unsure.gif


[EDIT] Did post a lot of other shit but it came out sounding so emo I had to beat myself up.
Suffice to say to the OP - Good luck, hang in there. Sorry you feel like that.
 

Defiance

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This makes me glad I'm a Christian, otherwise I would probably be depressed like you!
biggrin.gif
 

spotanjo3

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Being depressed is not worthy. If my parents divorces through not in love or cheat or whatever. That's their problem, not mine. I should worry about myself and I will just visit either of them because I love them. If they wants to be friends.. Fine.. If they are enemies to each others, fine. Their decision. Why life sucks ? No.. you need help.
 

myuusmeow

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Nin10doFan said:
This makes me glad I'm a Christian, otherwise I would probably be depressed like you!
biggrin.gif
facepalm.jpg




That's just how the world is, just ignore it and move on, and try not to be like them. Don't drop out.
 

Canonbeat234

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Wow, you just sound like me about that 'losing focus' mentality. You're inside a part of your life where you keep thinking and thinking about stuff. That usually makes you depressed because you don't get the answers that you're looking for. I admit your thesis did got annoying at the end of the second paragraph which you did a lot as far as not giving up. The problem is that you don't love yourself; yeah I mean that also. You seem to hate yourself more because you keep doubting of the abilities you can do if you had the chance.

You feel worry about so many stuff that you don't know what to do. You basically feel that if you try to do something, you'll get bored of it sooner or later. You lack passion for what you do...heck, you're a gamer right? Go for a passion in gaming...
 

Defiance

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myuusmeow said:
Nin10doFan said:
This makes me glad I'm a Christian, otherwise I would probably be depressed like you!
biggrin.gif
facepalm.jpg




That's just how the world is, just ignore it and move on, and try not to be like them. Don't drop out.

Was that facepalm directed towards me? Because to me, that's the only thing that gives life purpose. Why else would we live?
 

UltraMagnus

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Nin10doFan said:
This makes me glad I'm a Christian, otherwise I would probably be depressed like you!
biggrin.gif

if that makes you feel better fine.

personally, I find it easier to not believe in a god. it would depress me even more to think this is nothing but a test dreamt up by some sadistic omnipotent dictator.
 

Wabsta

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You think life sucks?
Get in line!

Cmon, everyone's life sucks one way or another.
It's just, what you make of it.

The death story, yea, you think the same as I do.
But there's one thing I do, and that you don't do.

Enjoying life.
Ofcourse it sucks, I'm being threatened by my ex-stephfather as I type.
And that sucks too.
But it drives me, it drives me to do something fun with my life.

It's like, when taking a tattoo (spelling?)

People keep on ranting, about, that it will still be there when you're old.
I mean, SO WHAT?

Just enjoy life, while you still can.
Life sucks indeed, just don't think about it the whole day.
 
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