GBAtemp Writers' Guild

[Shinigami357]

Thanks
It was spaced, but I guess the format changed. Oh well...

I assume you copy-pasted it from a preexisting document [kind of hard to write that all down from scratch, methinks]? Sometimes that really messes up the formatting.

 

[Domination]

Eh, I just started a blog, since I thought it would be cool to have a platform to rant/talk on. And maybe post some short conceptual narratives.

http://dominationdomination.blogspot.com/

I welcome honest and friendly critics, debates, etc. You can critic me on my ideas, my writing style(Yes, I do realise I have a few grammatical mistakes, but I can't be bothered to edit), anything. I just thought it'll be great for practicing writing.

 

[ShinyJellicent12]

Thanks
It was spaced, but I guess the format changed. Oh well...

I assume you copy-pasted it from a preexisting document [kind of hard to write that all down from scratch, methinks]? Sometimes that really messes up the formatting.

yes... from word

 

[Sterling]

Thanks
It was spaced, but I guess the format changed. Oh well...

I assume you copy-pasted it from a preexisting document [kind of hard to write that all down from scratch, methinks]? Sometimes that really messes up the formatting.

yes... from word

Make sure to appropriately space things out here as well as in Word. The program is incredibly notorious at this.

 

[Shinigami357]

PRO TIP: There's a "paste from Word" option in the reply options. It's usually what I use.


In other news...

Still no clue what to do for the Christmas challenge.
Christmas sucks

 

[Sterling]

On this silent night
The stars are shining bright
I'm sitting here cozy and safe
The fire; a shining light

You're next to me
Head on my shoulder taking shallow breaths
There's no place I'd rather be
Here with you next to this tree

Colorful and shining
The lights and decoration is dazzling
This tree is warm and reminding
To be thankful for all I have

In this way, Christmas is more
Indeed, much more than a chore
It's a time to remember those around you
And a time for those of faith to remember the one who gave up everything in the days of yore.

 

[ShinyJellicent12]

I'll fix that then
And it didn't work -_-
maybe because its in a spoiler :|

 

[Shinigami357]

Weird. It never fails for me. Hm...

 

[ShinyJellicent12]

I don't have the magic touch :/

 

[Shinigami357]

Hey, Guild! First things first, Merry Christmas! Well, advanced Merry Christmas for most of you, since we're rather ahead in timezones. But let's not be too technical and nitpicky, it is Christmas, after all.

Anyway, yeah... The Christmas challenge. Like I said before, I'd love to find a way to give a Christmas story a "dark" spin, and that's what I'll be doing. I know we're supposed to write cheery, "Christmas-y" stories, so pardon me [I just don't like writing lighthearted, cheerful stories]. Also feel free to call me Grinch.

Here goes. Enjoy...

Spoiler

Present: Christmas​

*KRIIIIIIINGGGGGG!!!!!!*​

I tossed around under my blankets, slightly tangled up, as I fought to free a hand to turn the alarm off.​

"Hey! Whose alarm is that?!" cried a half sleepy, half grumpy, half exasperated voice. Okay, okay, too many halves, but that's what it sounded like.​

I could hear the door next room opening and the padded thumps of slipper-clad feet approaching my bedroom door outside, across the corridor. The doorknob starts to turn as I finally get a hand free to turn the alarm off.​

"Excited, are we?" asked my mother in her soft, still drowsy-sounding voice. Beside her, dad crowded the doorway, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.​

"I- I thought I -" I stammered, still drowsy myself, and rather taken aback at my parents' slightly severe expressions. "I thought I'd like to catch Santa coming down the chimney," I finished.​

"Well, I think you've missed him, kiddo," said dad. His slight frown had turned into a smile. My smile turned into a frown.​

"There now," mother said. She gave dad a small nudge to the ribs with her elbow before coming over to my bedside. She somehow managed to untangled me from my blankets with one hand as she stroked my hair with the other.​

After a while, I managed to free myself completely from my blankets, with a generous amount of help from mother, of course. I sat on the edge of my bed, hugging my mother. She always knew how to lift my spirits.​

"Hey, you know, while Santa is gone, I'm sure your present is there, waiting for you," dad said. His good humor, previously buried somewhere in his sleeping mind, had emerged, and he gave me his thousand-watt smile. "In fact, if somebody would care to look out some windows, he might still catch a glimpse of a mysterious flying sleigh..." he continued, shifting slightly so as to unblock the doorway.​

Before he finished, I was already off to my window, wiping the condensation away from the glass to get a clearer view of the skies. Bad luck, nothing but a few clouds. And snow, drifting down slowly, as though they were also sleepy. I let the thought of catching a glimpse of Santa's sleigh go, and raced out of the bedroom, heading to our Christmas tree downstairs.​

...​

"Is this really the best for him?" Eve asked her husband as their son, their pride and joy, raced out of the bedroom.​

Chris sighed, sat beside her on the bedside, and hugged her close. "This is for the best. He shouldn't suffer through everything that comes next," he said, stroking her hair, much as she had done to console their son for not seeing Santa coming down the chimney.​

"I know. But, it's just... wrong."​

"There's nothing else we can do."​

"Hey! Wow! :Look at all this stuff! Mom! Dad! Come on, look!" called their son's voice from downstairs.​

Eve sighed slowly, the way she did when she was faced with a task she hated, but could not avoid. "Coming!" she called out.​

The two of them head downstairs.​

...​

"Whoa! Look! Mom! Dad! It's so cool!" I said, greeting my parents at the foot of the stairs, my arms wrapped around a big box. I held it up as high as I could, so they could see it.​

"What is it?" asked mother. She looked rather breathless and emotional, as though she would burst out in tears. I felt about the same.​

"It's a 360! Isn't it cool?" I asked, doing a little two-step dance.​

"Don't shake it around now. You know these things are fragile," reminded father, though he was smiling as he watched me.​

"Okay," I agreed, and stood still, the partially-wrapped box held tightly in my arms. Father had a point. My previous console got shorted out months ago, so I've been unable to play any games. I can't afford to lose this one.​

Just then my head started to spin at the possibilities. I couldn't wait to play games again! I was just starting to imagine what games I'd buy first, when I felt a small tug at the package I was holding.​

"Now, now, you've seen your gift. Come on, we'll set it up later on in the morning," mother said, smiling, as she weakly, but firmly tried to pry the whole package from my arms.​

"But- ! I want to play now!" I said.​

"Not at one in the morning, kiddo," father said. He grabbed me at the waist from behind, and slowly but surely, my gift and I were separated. Father set me back down as soon as mother had put the console away, surely somewhere out of my reach. "You can spend the whole morning playing later," father added, ruffling my hair.​

Mother emerged from where she hid my console and lifted me up into her arms. Together, mother and father carried me to bed, and soon I was under my blankets again. I knew better than to protest.​

"Now be a good boy and go back to sleep," mother said as she sat at my bedside.​

"Okay. Goodnight," I said, knowing they'll wait for me to actually fall asleep before they left the room. My mother and father kissed me goodnight, like they did earlier at eight.​

I drifted off to sleep...​

...​

"He'll be fine, right?" Eve asked her husband as they watched their son, sleeping with a smile on his face.​

"Yes," Chris said. He turned around to the doorway. "Come on in," he said.​

Two men, dressed in thick, black coats came into the room, carrying a small machine. They started to set up the machine on the bedside table. The machine, as well as the back of their coats, had the letters RPI on it.​

Eve hugged her husband, her head buried in his chest. She was unable, or more likely unwilling to watch as they attached thin wires their son's head and then connected it to the machine.​

"It's done, sir. Ma'am," said one of the men as he exited the room.​

The second man approached them, holding a document. "Please sign this waiver. As parents of this boy, you are releasing him into our custody, under a repeating brainwave of your choosing, until you can pay all your debts and the resulting interest," he said. He produced a silver fountain pen, handing it first to Chris, perhaps sensing that Eve had her doubts.​

With one last glance at his wife, Chris, who was unable to look at his son for one last time, signed on the line above his name. He handed the pen to Eve and left the room, his head buried in his face, his shoulders quivering.​

Eve hesitated, watching as her husband exited the room. She turned back to the man who was patiently holding the waiver for her to sign. "Can I talk to him one more time?" she asked him. The man nodded wordlessly. She gave the pen back to him and approached her son's bedside.​

There he lay, not moving an inch, despite normally being a rather messy sleeper. It was one of the reasons she had always had to untangle him from his blankets every morning. There was a big, goofy smile on his face, and she knew he must be in the midst of his 'dream'. The reality of their situation struck her again, and tears rolled down her cheeks.​

Without comment, she turned back to the RPI man, signed the waiver, and left her son. Neither she nor Chris had any idea if they could actually get him back.​

...​

*KRIIIIIIINGGGGGG!!!!!!*

I tossed around under my blankets, slightly tangled up, as I fought to free a hand to turn the alarm off.

"Hey! Whose alarm is that?!" cried a half sleepy, half grumpy, half exasperated voice. Okay, okay, too many halves, but that's what it sounded like.

I could hear the door next room opening and the padded thumps of slipper-clad feet approaching my bedroom door outside, across the corridor. The doorknob starts to turn as I finally get a hand free to turn the alarm off.

Wait... Is this deja vu?

- end -​

NOTES:

- The RPI is the "Recession-Proofers Inc." Basically, they take put your children [or whatever dependents you have] into sort of a coma, trapped within a particular memory, if you accumulate too much debt [such as if there's a recession, hence the name]. Sounds dystopian and rather sci-fi.

- It's the first time I've ever written anything in a mostly first-person POV. That's prob why I just hinted at what happens next in the ending - wasn't sure how to write it. Or I might have just been scared shitless of my own idea. I'll let you decide which is more likely.

- I tried to write this as accurately as a small kid would see it as possible. Also had to think through the parents' actions. And of course, I had to make at least 70% of the story as cheery as possible, so hopefully the big reveal at the end doesn't get you guys down too much.

- Present: Christmas [the title] doesn't mean Present like gift, instead it means "now". Because the "now" that is repeated is Christmas. Hope that isn't confusing. Before I settled with this title, I considered "Christmas Present/s" [with and without the s at the end]. I think this one is the best overall.

- The boy isn't named. His parents, Chris and Eve, was just me nicking names off of "Christmas Eve". Unimaginative, I know, but naming's not my forte.

And there it is. I hope you guys... liked [???] it.

PS

- I now have a more-or-less concrete idea with what I'll do with that "serial" idea of mine. Hopefully it turns out as planned.

@Sterling - Considering a New Year's Day challenge too? We could run away with this "holiday-themed" challenges [damn, we missed Halloween last November, though | I prob would fail so bad if we do a Valentines one, though]. Or well, we could try fashioning the next challenge to be about new beginnings, change, etc [that's the "spirit" of new year, right?]

...

Anyway, that's me outta here. Enjoy your Holidays, guys!


EDIT:
It does seem like the editor messes up the spacing a bit when something's wrapped in spoiler tags... Hm, gotta find a way around that...

 

[Sterling]

We might, I'll let you guys know if I change the op. Also, cool story. Very dystopian indeed.

 

[Sterling]

I can't seem to keep this Guild going. With all that's going on right now, I think I should pass the leadership on to another person. If anyone thinks they can keep it going, contact me via PM. (Candidates I think would be good: Shinigami357 - Great writer, and fairly active, Edgedancer - Exceptional writer, but not as active, ShinyJellicent12321 - Enthusiasm.)

 

[Shinigami357]

@Sterling
Just assign a co-leader or two, something like that. Also, you have your lead writer/reviewer spots to fill. Between those, you should have enough people to help you out. Don't give out on us, man.



PS

- New Year hated me [flu virus, too] so I guess my idea of doing a serial, is, alas, likely on hiatus while I get back to writing form. If there was ever such a thing. LOL
- Been reading me some "A Song of Ice and Fire". In love with the story right now. The way people talk in Medieval[ish] settings gets me high, I swear. It's dope, y'know?
- Still up to my knees in research. [American Football, anyone?]

 

[Sterling]

Do you want to be a Co-Leader Shinigami357?

Also, the Challenges have been moved to the top of the OP, and they have been updated.

 

[Edgedancer]

Sterling, I agree with Shinigami357. You dont have to resign 100%, but just get some people to help shoulder the leadership roles. I am happy to help if you want, as it may also give me motivation to break through my writers block.

 

[Sterling]

Sterling, I agree with Shinigami357. You dont have to resign 100%, but just get some people to help shoulder the leadership roles. I am happy to help if you want, as it may also give me motivation to break through my writers block.

Well, Well, I haven't seen you for awhile. I'm sorry to hear you have writers' block, but if being a co leader helps you break it then I'll add you. We'll need to put our heads together to see how we can organize the posts.

 

[Shinigami357]

I was not made in the mould of a leader-type person, I'm afraid.

 

[Edgedancer]

Sterling, I agree with Shinigami357. You dont have to resign 100%, but just get some people to help shoulder the leadership roles. I am happy to help if you want, as it may also give me motivation to break through my writers block.

Well, Well, I haven't seen you for awhile. I'm sorry to hear you have writers' block, but if being a co leader helps you break it then I'll add you. We'll need to put our heads together to see how we can organize the posts.

Haha. I havent been posting anything but I have been reading and keeping up with what's going on.

 

[shyam513]

Hey, guys, if it's not to late, I don't mind chipping in and helping out. I do tend to come on here every day or two, but like Edge, I don't comment unless I've written something new. I don't mind helping out in leadership though.

 

[Shinigami357]

Whew, hectic day for me.

Just posted the first chapter of my serial in my writing blog here and on my Tumblr. I plan to post a new chapter every fortnight. Wish me luck, and I'd appreciate all the feedback you guys might have.

Also, a couple more things...

It seems there are more than a couple spacing issues. Here's what I have so far...

1. If you plan to paste something and add a few lines, type the lines first before you paste whatever it is you're pasting, or the additional lines will have messed up spacing.
2. It seems that the spacing issue with the spoiler tags are a bit more... evasive, I'd say. For now, all I can say for sure is if you use the "paste from Word" option and then add the spoiler BBcodes later, it seems to have no spacing issue, so that should help a bit.

[spoiler]
[pasted text here]
[/spoiler]

Kind of like that. It works for me, anyhow. Just remember that if you're adding anything, type it first before pasting, then add your spoilers.


EDIT:

I love the challenge. I'll get on it soon.