I don't know of any services that offer such but you might be able to make some kind of acoustic coupler or modem using the voice signal and dial into your PC at home before sending that out into the world via your home internet. I have never done it for android and it has been years since I did anything like it for a PC, it is however kind of how old school bbs type things worked.
I imagine you would want to have a rooted phone as well, though you might be able to trick it with some twist on VPN software that might not need root.
Edit. You might also want to look into some of the radio gateways. Most would have met it when radio -> telephone links were a thing and today most would likely be using sat phones but there might be a radio -> internet gateway setup you could twist to your end.
I should also say I would be surprised to hear it is against some flavour of terms of service as well as being slow as sin.
I would be impressed if you got 56K speeds (so still in the sub 10 kilobytes/second range), or in both cases enough for basic email, a few types of IM and other text based notifications but not a lot else in the modern world.
Anyway found an interesting thread from some people that seem know far more about this sort of thing than I (telecoms to that level is not my idea of a good time) http://superuser.com/questions/748154/use-a-smartphone-as-a-dial-up-modem and it looks even bleaker. If you had no data at all or were charged silly rates then maybe it would be worth considering, however as you do then I would not.
Suffice it to say you are not the first person to probably think "I have all these free minutes which I never use, I wonder" and there appears to be a good technical reason why it is not a common method.
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I don't have a wii u anymore to test it myself, but if homebrews are not visible on the wii u menu I think you can press L + R + minus to open the plugin menu, there should be an option called "homebrews on wii u menu" or something similar
Or when your player dies, you can say in code, if enemy exists, do nothing, but if enemy does not exist, then create enemy at certain spot. (This would be a pain tho for lots of emeies)