This is my first time having to update my card like this. At first I thought I needed 2 r4 flashcards for it, but I only needed one. The steps I did were as followed and it worked for me. So maybe it will work for you guys too.
1. I formatted my microsd card after backing up. Then downloaded the Wood r4 v.1.52 firmware and the R4iGold3DS_44Patch.rar file from r4ids.cn
2. I copy and pasted the Wood R4 files and the 2 R4iGold3DS_3DS44_Patch files(just to be sure) onto the microsd. I also added a Games folder with 1 game inside.
3. After plugging it into the DS Lite, I booted it up and opened R4iGold3DS_3DS44_Patch_NDSL.nds, It opens a window that has lines like card check, update, and result on it. When I pressed the B-button it says my card failed, then I ejected the R4 card without turning off the DS and plugged it back in. This time when I press B, it shows my card info and I was able to press the A-button to update. It then allowed me to upgrade the card.
4. After it was done upgrading and getting a "Upgrade Succeded" status, I rebooted and checked that it was working and could play the game that I had in the card. I have since added my other games back and have tried it on my 3DS and it works.
And that's basically about it. I hope you guys will be able to get yours to work too.