If I met my family via time travel decades ago:
mother: "hey look; it's you! See? aren't you cute?"
Me: "He's...wearing a blackbelt?"
mother: "For a little kid costume party!"
Me: "you are a few years early kid. work on that stance; leaves you wide open for headshots."
mother: "Oh, look at you! you become a regular Chuck Norris!"
Me: "Um...not exactly. I train with people that one-shotted bruce lee, some...um...1960's South Korean tunnel rats..."
Me: "um...can we take a trip to Texas?"
mother: "what? why?" Me: "I want to see...a not so old friend. Give him some pointers."
mother: "what's his name"
Me: "...supreme commander..."
mother: "what!?"
Me: "relax; he's younger, but slower; he doesn't get to his peak until decades later, around 76 years in 2020."
mother: "2020!?"
Me In Texas: "Anyeonghaseyo, supreme commander Park, I've seen the future, and it's ugly: manhwa, k-pop, a mess, but not your patterns *does them* so...need some pointers? after I defeated you at your best, I wanted to see how well I could help teach you them."
grandmother: "So...have you seen that ultimate championship stuff?"
Me: "The actors? yeah, I ruined their popularity already; it's just a dud; I defeated those WWE 2.0 champions off-stage in front of their fans....never use double legs, please. for your own safety"
dad: "but what about Mike Tyson? is he still around?"
Me: "Yes, that actor is around, but he is no coach of Aaron pryor and four of his pro-boxing colleagues at the same time, though I did need both of my arms to win that five on one in a very condensed space."
mom: "ok, you are...what in the!?"
Me: "400 lbs, haven't seen these in while. They still sell 600 lb bags at this point in time?"
parents: "..."
Me: "ok, 500? come on, I want some heavy bags...you have no idea what I had to do to get custom 2000 ones put together, and that cracked the driveway, so seeing how we are in this tiny apartment with no grass...oh, right, I'll have to pick the roaches out of the fries again. no biggie. At least it's nearly subzero out there, so if you can excuse me."
mom: "where are you going!?"
Me: "barefoot patterns outside in the ice...with the clean air!"
Me: "you all seem very kind back in the poor days...figures! I kinda missed this: no money obsession, no degradation of morals, a happy family, well sort of. the abuse kind of started a few years later but still, not bad. oh, and mom, your dad is fine in 2026; he's not dead right now, just mia. you'll see him lots later.
dad: "so is that what you do?"
Me: "I...teach engineering."
dad: "engineering!? for college?"
Me: "no, high school. it's hard to explain; the students make the news and utterly outdo NASA....
dad: "What!?"
Me: "dad, what are you talking about? isn't your...oh, right, you haven't met your astronaut neighbor yet."
dad: "I don't believe you. you are full of yourself."
Me: "not like I can prove it, _med_ student, but you are not a doctor yet."
dad: *scoffs* "well you are still a toddler in pajamas..."
me: but not an old man who cannot outbox five professionals at once, and turn down the highest boxing offers in history."
dad: "due to inflation"
Me: "more than accounted for; does mayweather ring a bell?"
dad: "what about may weather?"
Me: "not the month; figures."
dad: *scoffs* "well you have no proof."
Me: "there is the world boxing association's recruiter on my speed dial, though the number does not work yet..."
parents: "!?"
Me: "oh...right, um, so mom will be one of the first to have these when working at a huge company: a cellular phone, later called a smart phone, and this is society in the future: they can't do anything with technology that makes the med center and top ibm computers at your work look like...punchcards. basically the future is toast, and this thing ruined it, however...AI, if you can respond, make a comment, or else show that you are powerless now...oh great! AI cannot work here! I feel better already!
dad: "what is AI?"
Me: "end of the world type stuff."
Me: "you know, maybe you should call your dad."
dad: "why?"
Me: "well...I don't want you to feel guilty...he...isn't around in 2026; you ignored him up until he died. that was the only time you paid attention to him, and it bothered him, so I filled in the gap. for your sake. I don't want you to be driven by guilt."
mom: "you never called him?"
Me: "he does...but, never to hang out....look, just do it, I picked up some sass from the future, so either that, or I pop quiz you on detailed applications of the kreb's cycle like I did years form now, and you couldn't answer the questions. I've picked up nurse/military humor, becasue unfortunately, columbine is the first of many, and now lockdown drills are a standard; I can tell you that it's all easy until the kids are crying and you have to let them know it's fine with a laid back attitude, and that the shooter, closest to my room, would try to go for me first."
parents: "!?"
Me: "yeah, see why this is a walk in the park in a dangerous top fifteen areas in the U.S. this year in section eight housing? I actually feel safer here than I do in 2026, but gotta go back at some point. Oh, and dad...be a medical scientist: I'm also one of those, a business owner, a financial analyst, etc. and they pay well...up until the world says no more competent people post 2020."
mom: "what happens in 2020?"
Me: "our family will be fine, just stay in shape. Can't say too much; already had one shadow government breathing down my neck and ordering hitmen on my life...well, hitwomen as well..."
dad: "What in the...!?"
Me: "KCIA: South Korean shadow government: General Choi is still around in this time; they will make attempts on his life too, but not to worry, he passes away of natural causes the year I join...I'll be a few months off from meeting him, but his superrior officer will be my personal instructor, like that aaron pyror co-pro-boxing student thing."
dad: "you seem...very happy about saying this."
Me: "Obviously! you all don't have marital near-misses and disown me for making the right choices instead of abandoning the needs of kids to have futures yet!"
granddad: "Wow *whistles* dang! you look like you came straight of of vietnam!"
Me: "and you look like you came straight out of okinawa! you even have part of your hair color! Oh! before I forget, you will get non-hdogkins lymphoma in a yers or two...actually, you might already have it.
grandmother: *eyes widen*
Me: "Relax...he fully recovers. he's ok. but um...between you and me, I know dad waits until you leave the earth in 2024 to finally see you to bond...but he does do it, and my little kid self running around here or outside will definitely fill the hole; you will be glad that at least your grandson talks to you for fun daily...oh and uncle stops smoking after you leave. I almost leave to, same disease, but it seems I'm more stubborn than my grandparent...and...my cousin. Still, I intend to be with you all one day, just...not the way others could imagine....I found a way to de-age, it's not easy, something about "supercompensation and human growth hormones forcing base stem cell generation and regeneration, but given I've been around for nearly four decades and this photo is of me as a teenager...yep!"
grandad: "you literally de-aged!"
Me: "I get that a lot...in the future, and it's accelerating; all that pressure of post 2020 does my youth a great service."
Me: "wait...what is litte 'old' kid me watching?"
grandmother: "some disney cat movie."
Me: "wait, this is the film where..."
Film: "hey FBI girl!"
Me: "Bursts out laughing."
Uncle: "what happened?"
Me: "Oh, I uh, work with someone who knows the FBI leader in common with me, training U.S. Special Forces as an independent contractor...and now I have to ask...do you suppose...*snickers* I was hired by "FBI girl"?
granddad "are you kidding!?"
Me: "nope. and it gets better, see this guy here? he's a college dude right now...decades later, he's my buddy, and safeguards at least four U.S. Presidents..and if I call him...it won't work, because smart phones don't exist yet! my lfie is like some sort of gag!"
Aunt: "you're so different, I love it! you're not depressed underneath, and I can tell!"
Me: "Well of course you can! you're one of the snarky ones! where did you think I got my sass from? remember that "snoopy come home" Charlie brown...VHS...Video casette, where patty said she keeps going? Yeah, about that, even the Spetsnaz call me crazy: I'm far to perky and peppy to have time to feel sorry for myself, and it's not a mask. it's a huge reminder that I don't have to be moping around like Anakin...I mean, skywalker...in star..wars."
Aunt: *gasp* "you know!" *face beaming*
Me: "I know, right? they..um...well they won't exactly be even close, they are all worse than episode six....
Aunt: "....oh no...."
Me: "they will be memeab....I mean, we will be making fun of the quotes for decades! and in the meantime...you had best be ready for snark to snark combat, because I'll make your vietnam war look like an operation desert storm...or to put it in star wars terms, your yoda-wit will be a c-3po."
Aunt:"you're on!"
Me: "more than Disney ever wished it was..."
Aunt: "wait, does Disney...?"
Me: "Nope! we will not say Disney's future...if you thought the other stuff was bad, you'll soon say the teddy bears in starwars are the least of your concerns...it gets far worse. want to know?"
Aunt: "no! don't tell me."
Me: "Oh, and by the way...I use this snark almost everywhere, so yes, super mario bros. 3 is still my favorite video game, so as a disclaimer, just because I snark does not mean I actually hate anyone...actually I hate no one...not even future would-be tyrants. I only hate their actions, but the way I see it, if I came back here moping y'all would be hosed. I came here to show everyone that an opportunisitcally optimist outlook changes _everything_, and it's not a mask. If nothing dampens my enthusiasm, then y'all have zero reason to fret; be happy!"
Aunt: "I know."
Me: "Yeah, I know _you_ know; it's the Darth Vaders in the house, see what I'm saying?"
Me: "Hey kid! wanna see me beat super mario bros without warps?"
past Me: "you can do that?"
Me: "yep! _you_...can do that; it's just practice..."
mom: "Can I get a picture?"
Me: "Only if you get us in our...martial arts uniforms. oh, and also if you agree to stop worrying."
mom: "say that again?"
Me: "No...worries. I was the worry one back then huh? Well, not anymore. I had to calm _you_ down many times. oh, and where's my other cousin, Maurice? never met him, I'd like to at least say hello to him. And...is Bobby still with us? I had no idea we have so much in common, found out way after he left, but he sounds awesome!"
Me: "well, it's been fun, but I gotta go back...to the future!"
Aunt: "Laughs."
Me: "no no no, don't laugh, you turn out fine, but it's your kid; something has got to be done about your kid! Gotta get him to be kindhearted...see you in the future, just...don't tell anyone about 2020 or any other stuff in here, you wouldn't want to be suspected of some major...thing in 2020 that is like the flu. Oh and try not to be too upset about episode 1 in 1999; attack of the clones is much worse! See ya later, literally!"
mother: "hey look; it's you! See? aren't you cute?"
Me: "He's...wearing a blackbelt?"
mother: "For a little kid costume party!"
Me: "you are a few years early kid. work on that stance; leaves you wide open for headshots."
mother: "Oh, look at you! you become a regular Chuck Norris!"
Me: "Um...not exactly. I train with people that one-shotted bruce lee, some...um...1960's South Korean tunnel rats..."
Me: "um...can we take a trip to Texas?"
mother: "what? why?" Me: "I want to see...a not so old friend. Give him some pointers."
mother: "what's his name"
Me: "...supreme commander..."
mother: "what!?"
Me: "relax; he's younger, but slower; he doesn't get to his peak until decades later, around 76 years in 2020."
mother: "2020!?"
Me In Texas: "Anyeonghaseyo, supreme commander Park, I've seen the future, and it's ugly: manhwa, k-pop, a mess, but not your patterns *does them* so...need some pointers? after I defeated you at your best, I wanted to see how well I could help teach you them."
grandmother: "So...have you seen that ultimate championship stuff?"
Me: "The actors? yeah, I ruined their popularity already; it's just a dud; I defeated those WWE 2.0 champions off-stage in front of their fans....never use double legs, please. for your own safety"
dad: "but what about Mike Tyson? is he still around?"
Me: "Yes, that actor is around, but he is no coach of Aaron pryor and four of his pro-boxing colleagues at the same time, though I did need both of my arms to win that five on one in a very condensed space."
mom: "ok, you are...what in the!?"
Me: "400 lbs, haven't seen these in while. They still sell 600 lb bags at this point in time?"
parents: "..."
Me: "ok, 500? come on, I want some heavy bags...you have no idea what I had to do to get custom 2000 ones put together, and that cracked the driveway, so seeing how we are in this tiny apartment with no grass...oh, right, I'll have to pick the roaches out of the fries again. no biggie. At least it's nearly subzero out there, so if you can excuse me."
mom: "where are you going!?"
Me: "barefoot patterns outside in the ice...with the clean air!"
Me: "you all seem very kind back in the poor days...figures! I kinda missed this: no money obsession, no degradation of morals, a happy family, well sort of. the abuse kind of started a few years later but still, not bad. oh, and mom, your dad is fine in 2026; he's not dead right now, just mia. you'll see him lots later.
dad: "so is that what you do?"
Me: "I...teach engineering."
dad: "engineering!? for college?"
Me: "no, high school. it's hard to explain; the students make the news and utterly outdo NASA....
dad: "What!?"
Me: "dad, what are you talking about? isn't your...oh, right, you haven't met your astronaut neighbor yet."
dad: "I don't believe you. you are full of yourself."
Me: "not like I can prove it, _med_ student, but you are not a doctor yet."
dad: *scoffs* "well you are still a toddler in pajamas..."
me: but not an old man who cannot outbox five professionals at once, and turn down the highest boxing offers in history."
dad: "due to inflation"
Me: "more than accounted for; does mayweather ring a bell?"
dad: "what about may weather?"
Me: "not the month; figures."
dad: *scoffs* "well you have no proof."
Me: "there is the world boxing association's recruiter on my speed dial, though the number does not work yet..."
parents: "!?"
Me: "oh...right, um, so mom will be one of the first to have these when working at a huge company: a cellular phone, later called a smart phone, and this is society in the future: they can't do anything with technology that makes the med center and top ibm computers at your work look like...punchcards. basically the future is toast, and this thing ruined it, however...AI, if you can respond, make a comment, or else show that you are powerless now...oh great! AI cannot work here! I feel better already!
dad: "what is AI?"
Me: "end of the world type stuff."
Me: "you know, maybe you should call your dad."
dad: "why?"
Me: "well...I don't want you to feel guilty...he...isn't around in 2026; you ignored him up until he died. that was the only time you paid attention to him, and it bothered him, so I filled in the gap. for your sake. I don't want you to be driven by guilt."
mom: "you never called him?"
Me: "he does...but, never to hang out....look, just do it, I picked up some sass from the future, so either that, or I pop quiz you on detailed applications of the kreb's cycle like I did years form now, and you couldn't answer the questions. I've picked up nurse/military humor, becasue unfortunately, columbine is the first of many, and now lockdown drills are a standard; I can tell you that it's all easy until the kids are crying and you have to let them know it's fine with a laid back attitude, and that the shooter, closest to my room, would try to go for me first."
parents: "!?"
Me: "yeah, see why this is a walk in the park in a dangerous top fifteen areas in the U.S. this year in section eight housing? I actually feel safer here than I do in 2026, but gotta go back at some point. Oh, and dad...be a medical scientist: I'm also one of those, a business owner, a financial analyst, etc. and they pay well...up until the world says no more competent people post 2020."
mom: "what happens in 2020?"
Me: "our family will be fine, just stay in shape. Can't say too much; already had one shadow government breathing down my neck and ordering hitmen on my life...well, hitwomen as well..."
dad: "What in the...!?"
Me: "KCIA: South Korean shadow government: General Choi is still around in this time; they will make attempts on his life too, but not to worry, he passes away of natural causes the year I join...I'll be a few months off from meeting him, but his superrior officer will be my personal instructor, like that aaron pyror co-pro-boxing student thing."
dad: "you seem...very happy about saying this."
Me: "Obviously! you all don't have marital near-misses and disown me for making the right choices instead of abandoning the needs of kids to have futures yet!"
granddad: "Wow *whistles* dang! you look like you came straight of of vietnam!"
Me: "and you look like you came straight out of okinawa! you even have part of your hair color! Oh! before I forget, you will get non-hdogkins lymphoma in a yers or two...actually, you might already have it.
grandmother: *eyes widen*
Me: "Relax...he fully recovers. he's ok. but um...between you and me, I know dad waits until you leave the earth in 2024 to finally see you to bond...but he does do it, and my little kid self running around here or outside will definitely fill the hole; you will be glad that at least your grandson talks to you for fun daily...oh and uncle stops smoking after you leave. I almost leave to, same disease, but it seems I'm more stubborn than my grandparent...and...my cousin. Still, I intend to be with you all one day, just...not the way others could imagine....I found a way to de-age, it's not easy, something about "supercompensation and human growth hormones forcing base stem cell generation and regeneration, but given I've been around for nearly four decades and this photo is of me as a teenager...yep!"
grandad: "you literally de-aged!"
Me: "I get that a lot...in the future, and it's accelerating; all that pressure of post 2020 does my youth a great service."
Me: "wait...what is litte 'old' kid me watching?"
grandmother: "some disney cat movie."
Me: "wait, this is the film where..."
Film: "hey FBI girl!"
Me: "Bursts out laughing."
Uncle: "what happened?"
Me: "Oh, I uh, work with someone who knows the FBI leader in common with me, training U.S. Special Forces as an independent contractor...and now I have to ask...do you suppose...*snickers* I was hired by "FBI girl"?
granddad "are you kidding!?"
Me: "nope. and it gets better, see this guy here? he's a college dude right now...decades later, he's my buddy, and safeguards at least four U.S. Presidents..and if I call him...it won't work, because smart phones don't exist yet! my lfie is like some sort of gag!"
Aunt: "you're so different, I love it! you're not depressed underneath, and I can tell!"
Me: "Well of course you can! you're one of the snarky ones! where did you think I got my sass from? remember that "snoopy come home" Charlie brown...VHS...Video casette, where patty said she keeps going? Yeah, about that, even the Spetsnaz call me crazy: I'm far to perky and peppy to have time to feel sorry for myself, and it's not a mask. it's a huge reminder that I don't have to be moping around like Anakin...I mean, skywalker...in star..wars."
Aunt: *gasp* "you know!" *face beaming*
Me: "I know, right? they..um...well they won't exactly be even close, they are all worse than episode six....
Aunt: "....oh no...."
Me: "they will be memeab....I mean, we will be making fun of the quotes for decades! and in the meantime...you had best be ready for snark to snark combat, because I'll make your vietnam war look like an operation desert storm...or to put it in star wars terms, your yoda-wit will be a c-3po."
Aunt:"you're on!"
Me: "more than Disney ever wished it was..."
Aunt: "wait, does Disney...?"
Me: "Nope! we will not say Disney's future...if you thought the other stuff was bad, you'll soon say the teddy bears in starwars are the least of your concerns...it gets far worse. want to know?"
Aunt: "no! don't tell me."
Me: "Oh, and by the way...I use this snark almost everywhere, so yes, super mario bros. 3 is still my favorite video game, so as a disclaimer, just because I snark does not mean I actually hate anyone...actually I hate no one...not even future would-be tyrants. I only hate their actions, but the way I see it, if I came back here moping y'all would be hosed. I came here to show everyone that an opportunisitcally optimist outlook changes _everything_, and it's not a mask. If nothing dampens my enthusiasm, then y'all have zero reason to fret; be happy!"
Aunt: "I know."
Me: "Yeah, I know _you_ know; it's the Darth Vaders in the house, see what I'm saying?"
Me: "Hey kid! wanna see me beat super mario bros without warps?"
past Me: "you can do that?"
Me: "yep! _you_...can do that; it's just practice..."
mom: "Can I get a picture?"
Me: "Only if you get us in our...martial arts uniforms. oh, and also if you agree to stop worrying."
mom: "say that again?"
Me: "No...worries. I was the worry one back then huh? Well, not anymore. I had to calm _you_ down many times. oh, and where's my other cousin, Maurice? never met him, I'd like to at least say hello to him. And...is Bobby still with us? I had no idea we have so much in common, found out way after he left, but he sounds awesome!"
Me: "well, it's been fun, but I gotta go back...to the future!"
Aunt: "Laughs."
Me: "no no no, don't laugh, you turn out fine, but it's your kid; something has got to be done about your kid! Gotta get him to be kindhearted...see you in the future, just...don't tell anyone about 2020 or any other stuff in here, you wouldn't want to be suspected of some major...thing in 2020 that is like the flu. Oh and try not to be too upset about episode 1 in 1999; attack of the clones is much worse! See ya later, literally!"
Last edited by MPRTwice,
