something serious

for a few years I've been putting on a fake smile and acting happy
even tried to hide it online too
but last night I got in an argument with my mom
I was arguing for ~15 mins before I was told to just kill myself and that she wished she wore a condom
I think it only got to that point because she was drunk
she doesn't get drunk alot so im not used to it
but after that I finally broke
the only members of my family that have not told me to kill myself im not allowed to see
my mom hates my dad and uncle
and she refuses to let me see them
but sometimes im able to convince her to let my see my dad
alot of my irl friends use me and have told me to kill myself aswell
and most of myschool sees me as a school shooter type or a terrorist
the rest of my school either doesn't know who I am or are one of my closer friends
guys in the hallways mistake me for a girl all the time, a few of them even grope me

so I went on twitter and tweeted a bunch of stuff about suicide
and said I would do it in the morning
but then Burd jr (Burds first child) was killed by a snake and that pushed me further
so I grabbed a pill bottle that I had filled with arbin I've harvested from rosary peas in my front yard
it should've been way more than enough to kill me but it didn't
and it turn out in large quantitys arbin can actually be digested
so all it did was make me cough blood for a bit

but I've been sitting here thinking about it
and I realise how stupid I was being
and now twitter wont let me verify that im human again because my new number is unsupported
so now im unable to tell someone that im still alive and that im not going to try again

this is the 3rd time I've tried
the other 2 were back in middle school and my body wouldn't let me drown myself

if anyone else has something happen that causes them to break and attempt suicide, don't
its not worth it and its actually hard to do

also, mods don't delete this and give me more warning points
im not trying to post "Graphic/Vulgar content"
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Comments

DeadlyFoez
Trying to end your life because someone whom was drunk told you to is the worst reason to do so. I would understand if you were terminally ill and just wanted to end your suffering, but that is not the case.
You need to find a therapist and possibly get DCYF involved as this sounds like quite the volatile situation that will end up just getting worse over time. If she is wishing you to be dead, even when drunk, then she must harbor some ill feelings towards you, or actually ill feelings about herself and taking them out on you.
As a drunk, I understand that the time that I am most honest with people about how I feel is when I am intoxicated because at that point I don't care about their feelings. All other times I hold things inside. So there are some problems there that need to be taken care of, but ending your life will not make the situation better.

Don't get me wrong. I fully support a persons right to die, but I hate to see people do it when the problem is such a simple thing that can be easily fixed.

Take care of yourself. Ignore people when they are intoxicated. You can certainly be better than them.
 
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sarkwalvein
Come on Eix, get it together!
Don't you dare kill yourself, it would be very sad.
Try to find new people, get away from there as soon as you can.

I think DeadlyFoez suggestion of looking for a therapist would be good. Not sure how easy would that be with you living in there.
Can't you ask you dad for help?
How long should you wait until you're old enough to move away if you wish so?
 
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The Catboy
No one, not even your mom is worth ending yourself for. Things may be ugly now and those scars are always going to be there, but you are never trapped in this situation forever. If your age is right, then you are going to be adult soon and she won't be able to hold you back, you just need to ensure you aren't holding yourself back when that time comes.
 
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E
im 17 until November
so im only stuck in this until then
and my mom has told me several times that if I want something I need to pay for it
and I can't afford theropy
 
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Giodude
If you're 17, no matter how bad things are, nothing's really begun yet. There's so much to look forward to and toilyo realize this struggle is only a small part of your life. Find some people to talk to or vc on discord while playing some games. It helps.
 
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The Catboy
@Eix
That doesn't mean you give up on yourself, there are connections and you can get help. I've had to call the suicide prevention hotline several times, they helped me through a lot of my darkest days. You can also look into staying with a friend or even reporting her, then staying with someone. You maybe old enough to decide to live with another relative. I know that's not going to be easy, but you can't simply give up on yourself. Trust me, death hurts and it's not a fun experience.
 
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AxlSt00pid
Tbh sometimes I also think about suiciding, but for better or worse I don't have the enough courage to actually do it, nor I don't want another early death of a member of my family
 
VzUh
not much that I can say to this, but don't underestimate the music. seriously, it helps a lot
 
The Real Jdbye
I feel like anything I would say would just sound like a cliche. But I'm going to say it anyway, because it's true.
Suicide is never the solution. Things do get better. And when you get a bit older, your mom won't have any control over whether you can visit your dad or not, you'll be free to do as you want.
All the shit that happens at school won't matter in the end. Once you grow up, get a job, maybe a girlfriend, etc. people will be less likely to judge you by the cover, and they will like you for who you are. A job helps, since you'll get to know people there since social interaction is pretty much required at a job, not so much at school. And those people will get to know who you are, and not judge you by the cover, and maybe you'll even make some friends there.
In the end what makes you happy is individual. But you still have a whole life ahead of you to reach that happiness. If you killed yourself now you would have no chance of that happening.
Do you really want to die sad and hopeless? Or do you want to die happy in the arms of loved ones having lived a full life? I know I would choose the latter.
 
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Captain_N
One day your going to leave that bitch of a mom and make it out their on your own. I understand its rough right now. Your mom will be sorry for the way she is acting. If your in the US, she by law cant stop you from seeing your dad. He has that right to see you. Now if he has done something to have the courts ban him then that's different. You want to keep on living, just think of all the great video games you will miss out on.
 
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Ryab
I mean you sound like your family does not really like you and frankly if they are not going to be nice to you then they dont deserve you you're 17 get out there get a job and move out thats what i was doing then
 
LittleFlame
^Zyvyn easier said than done, the economy has gone to shit and you need a degree to get any type of self sustaining job.
 
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leon315
tc, don't know we can take ur topics seriously or not, considering all meme ones you made, but if it's true, consider that:
it's normal ur are not popular cauz you are not cpt. of ur school sportteam neither as smart as Shelton cooper;
no one wanna be friends with you if always wear black (like we see in one of ur selfie) like at funeral and ur companies are stoners/drug dealers;
you have gbatemp to tell someone u are still alive.
 
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Owenge
1. Listen to Faded by Alan Walker (the original one)
2. Keep calm... find someone who cares about you.
3. Do what makes you happy....
4. Think about the good things in life.
5. Watch youtube or some anime or some shit
( I wish you luck man ;))
 
andeers
Can't you run away? Do you know someone that supports you and recieve you in his/her place? I wish you luck (:
 
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