I felt like pushing this blog out early because; 1: There's a lot of talk about ports on the Switch, so it's relevant to the popular topic 2: Because it deals with an issue that I am still overcoming and it's important to talk about. One issue of my previous relationship was the effects it had on my love for gaming and also the effects it had on my gaming habits over the years that I feel needs to be talked about. This is another blog that deals with abuse in the form of manipulation, gaslighting, and financial abuse. I do ask for a little respect, this topic is important to me because it's deeper than just simple ports on the Switch, but still completely related to them.
In recent months it seems more and more games from previous generations are being ported to the Switch and it's left the community pretty torn on the matter. Most see it though as, "Why though? Everyone has already played these games." and I am inclined to agree that most people have played these games. Expect not everyone actually has played all of the games being ported to the Switch. I actually wasn't able to play the vast majority of games throughout the years because my exes won't allow me to buy those games as they slowly took control over my money. Despite owning the system(s) the games were on I rarely got the opportunity to play and or even finish most games due to my exes controlling my money and thus controlling what games I could play. Most of my gaming ended up being through emulation, piracy, and mobile games because I was able to get around their finical control through these measures. But it also meant that even though I was gaming, I never got to experience games like GTA 5, Skyrim, or really anything that I couldn't get around through the means I listed. Sadly one of the effects of their control meant that I missed out on a lot of games that everyone has played. At the same time when I was able to start gaming they would often sell my games before I even finished them because they were horrible managing money. So even if I did start enjoying a game everyone else was playing, it was short lived as I would often find that it sold before I could finish it. Buying and owning games for me slowly became an impossibility and I simply gave up on gaming that wasn't through emulation, piracy, and mobile. This is one of the things they did to slowly break me down over the years, they slowly killed my enthusiasm for gaming and I am scared for this outside of gaming. I still have a hard time getting attached to anything because I am so used to it being taken away from me. I still have a hard time enjoying games because I am afraid that I will wake up and see it sold, even though i know my girlfriend would never do that to me. It's such a deeply embedded issue that it's hard for me to enjoy anything.
Now I know you might ask, "But why did you let them do this to you?" Well the simple answer is gaslighting and abuse of trust. Both of them were really good at gaslighting people. especially gaslighting me sadly. I trusted that what they were doing at first was ok, which allow them to slowly gaslight me into believing all kind of stupid shit. For example both of them didn't like Monster Hunter, so they did everything in their power to make me completely hate Monster Hunter. It actually worked for a short period of time until my friend introduced me to Monster Hunter 4 on the 3DS and actually helped me with the game, did I realize that I actually did enjoy them. This was pretty much what they would do for every single game that I tried to enjoy and it was worse if I actually did enjoy a game. I actually did enjoy Xenoblade Chronicles 2, but instead of just letting me enjoy the game they completely ruined the story for me and decided to try and backseat play the game when I tried to play it. This seems like such a small thing, but they did this for every single game I tried to play. If I enjoyed something, they did everything possible to make that stop. If they didn't enjoy something that I enjoyed, they did everything in their power to make me hate it. This kind of abuse has fucked me up, I literally can't even play some games anymore because of this. I can't play the Warrior's series because it was one of my exes' favorite game series. I can't play any of the Xenoblade Chronicles games because I can't not think about them when I do. There are several games that I just can't even enjoy without panicking because of how badly they messed me up. This isn't as bad as it was before, but it's something I am getting into therapy to deal with.
I am pretty sure people might understand how this may connect to the Switch ports and they are right. The Switch ports are important to me because I am free to finally enjoy a lot of games being ported to the Switch. I am free from that abuse, I am free to buy the games that I want to play, and I am with someone who supports me. As well porting them to the Switch actually helps me because it means I can enjoy the games (some for the first time) without having to buy a new and or old system just to experience them. My money is tight and it's a lot cheaper to buy a ported game on the Switch than it is to buy a new system and that game. It's also weirdly helped to play a lot of games on my Switch because it is a different experience than what I had before. I don't really have that many bad experiences (beyond Xenoblade Chronicles 2) with Switch games/the system, so I am not as detached from it. The Switch I have now is something I worked hard to get and the games I have now are a labor of love. So it's been rather therapeutic to actually enjoy gaming. More games being ported to the Switch is personal to me because it's helping me move on while being able to enjoy these games for the first time.
Time for the Lilith pic! This one was commission I had one of my friends on facebook make for me. This is actually Lilith dressed in the same outfit as my character from Pokemon Go
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In recent months it seems more and more games from previous generations are being ported to the Switch and it's left the community pretty torn on the matter. Most see it though as, "Why though? Everyone has already played these games." and I am inclined to agree that most people have played these games. Expect not everyone actually has played all of the games being ported to the Switch. I actually wasn't able to play the vast majority of games throughout the years because my exes won't allow me to buy those games as they slowly took control over my money. Despite owning the system(s) the games were on I rarely got the opportunity to play and or even finish most games due to my exes controlling my money and thus controlling what games I could play. Most of my gaming ended up being through emulation, piracy, and mobile games because I was able to get around their finical control through these measures. But it also meant that even though I was gaming, I never got to experience games like GTA 5, Skyrim, or really anything that I couldn't get around through the means I listed. Sadly one of the effects of their control meant that I missed out on a lot of games that everyone has played. At the same time when I was able to start gaming they would often sell my games before I even finished them because they were horrible managing money. So even if I did start enjoying a game everyone else was playing, it was short lived as I would often find that it sold before I could finish it. Buying and owning games for me slowly became an impossibility and I simply gave up on gaming that wasn't through emulation, piracy, and mobile. This is one of the things they did to slowly break me down over the years, they slowly killed my enthusiasm for gaming and I am scared for this outside of gaming. I still have a hard time getting attached to anything because I am so used to it being taken away from me. I still have a hard time enjoying games because I am afraid that I will wake up and see it sold, even though i know my girlfriend would never do that to me. It's such a deeply embedded issue that it's hard for me to enjoy anything.
Now I know you might ask, "But why did you let them do this to you?" Well the simple answer is gaslighting and abuse of trust. Both of them were really good at gaslighting people. especially gaslighting me sadly. I trusted that what they were doing at first was ok, which allow them to slowly gaslight me into believing all kind of stupid shit. For example both of them didn't like Monster Hunter, so they did everything in their power to make me completely hate Monster Hunter. It actually worked for a short period of time until my friend introduced me to Monster Hunter 4 on the 3DS and actually helped me with the game, did I realize that I actually did enjoy them. This was pretty much what they would do for every single game that I tried to enjoy and it was worse if I actually did enjoy a game. I actually did enjoy Xenoblade Chronicles 2, but instead of just letting me enjoy the game they completely ruined the story for me and decided to try and backseat play the game when I tried to play it. This seems like such a small thing, but they did this for every single game I tried to play. If I enjoyed something, they did everything possible to make that stop. If they didn't enjoy something that I enjoyed, they did everything in their power to make me hate it. This kind of abuse has fucked me up, I literally can't even play some games anymore because of this. I can't play the Warrior's series because it was one of my exes' favorite game series. I can't play any of the Xenoblade Chronicles games because I can't not think about them when I do. There are several games that I just can't even enjoy without panicking because of how badly they messed me up. This isn't as bad as it was before, but it's something I am getting into therapy to deal with.
I am pretty sure people might understand how this may connect to the Switch ports and they are right. The Switch ports are important to me because I am free to finally enjoy a lot of games being ported to the Switch. I am free from that abuse, I am free to buy the games that I want to play, and I am with someone who supports me. As well porting them to the Switch actually helps me because it means I can enjoy the games (some for the first time) without having to buy a new and or old system just to experience them. My money is tight and it's a lot cheaper to buy a ported game on the Switch than it is to buy a new system and that game. It's also weirdly helped to play a lot of games on my Switch because it is a different experience than what I had before. I don't really have that many bad experiences (beyond Xenoblade Chronicles 2) with Switch games/the system, so I am not as detached from it. The Switch I have now is something I worked hard to get and the games I have now are a labor of love. So it's been rather therapeutic to actually enjoy gaming. More games being ported to the Switch is personal to me because it's helping me move on while being able to enjoy these games for the first time.
Time for the Lilith pic! This one was commission I had one of my friends on facebook make for me. This is actually Lilith dressed in the same outfit as my character from Pokemon Go
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