= = = F O R I M M E D I A T E R E L E A S E = = =
= = = July 22, 1981 = = =
*** RESEARCHERS AT ARLINGTON MEDICAL CENTER
ANNOUNCE THRILLING NEW TREND ***
Arlington, VA - Scientists at the Arlington Center for Disease
Management today announced an important breakthrough that they
predict will change the face of the entertainment industry,
government, business, architecture, fine arts, literature, Central
Africa, and America's inner cities over the next generation.
Named AIDS in honour of the recently embarked upon new decade, this
new trend additionally is expected to generate billions of new
positions for home care professionals, bedpan scrapers, homeless
persons, the bereavement industry, television evangelists, and
reactionary politicians, as well as providing a much-needed stimulus
to the news media, which have been reeling from a prolonged news
drought since those choppers lifted off the embassy roof six years
ago.
"AIDS will initially be limited to test markets in New York and San
Francisco, but by next year should be more widely available", said
ACDM spokesman Arfon Gonowich. "We hope that within ten years it will
be available anywhere in the world, and that it will be affordable -
any body will be able to pick up a case."
Gonowich added that ACDM scientists were already working on beta
versions of exotic variations of the AIDS "virus" and that these
variations should also be widely available by the end of the Eighties.
Popular entertainer Frank Zappa, the son of late television star Gene
Greens, has been commissioned to write a rock opera based on the story
of the discovery of AIDS. The rock opera, to be called Thin-Fish, is
set to premiere in New York some time in 1984.
"We have targeted today's sub-adults and sub-teens as a large
potential market for this new trend, and we're thrilled to have a rock
star of Mr. Zappa's magnitude on board to help us reach out to ephebes
and Lolitas all over the world", Gonowich said.
"Hollywood, Wall Street, The Vatican - it's hard to imagine a locale
that isn't going to be swept up by this trend", he added.
