Post text jokes here

[impeeza]

Always?

normally, remember there are wild life, any animal will pick the apple, even the insects will pick the rests

 

[CoolMe]

see y'all next year

 

[Veho]

It's next year where I'm standing.

 

[hippy dave]

normally, remember there are wild life, any animal will pick the apple, even the insects will pick the rests

Normally != always idk what to tell you

 

[impeeza]

Normally != always idk what to tell you

Just tell HAPPY NEW 2026!!!!!

 

[hippy dave]

Just tell HAPPY NEW 2026!!!!!

Yeah ok that one's a solid joke

 

[Veho]

What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather?

A shoe!

 

[MPRTwice]

Want to hear an awesome story? I was sick with sepsis and lasted for months with it; now that's sick!



I once told students to not discuss Elon Musk in class. Then I told them monkeys are best discussed at the zoo. One student asked me why I called Elon Musk a monkey: I didn't; _he_ did.



Likewise with Bill Gates. Why would anyone dress up as a clown on halloween? Then a student called Bill Gates a clown. Come on, folks. I never call them those names; y'all did. I merely stated that monkeys are best discussed at zoos and clowns are not a fun thing to dress as on Halloween. Sheesh people. Too much namecalling.



On a sillier note, they say boxed water is better, but I doubt punching it made it any higher quality.



And then there's mr. peanut; is he salty because he got roasted?



When moana came out and I was asked to review it, I said, "what can I say, except uh-oh stinky?"



Everyone wants to be fun-e, right? What about the other letters? Are you just going to remain stationery?




When the internet went down at school, I said, "Ok, who was playing _Browser's_ Inside Story on a 3DS in here?"



I told my students to get to work, or else they would end up like Ned. "Who's Ned?" Me: My point exactly.



They would often not get projects done, so I said, "come on people, let's stay productive; we're not a bunch of Microsoft Employees after all."



Student: "Mr. _, why do you hate Microsoft?"
Me: "If I was a Microsoft help ticket, I could get back to you with a generic answer in ten years, is that fine?
Besides, you don't roast Microsoft; it's far too soft and micro to be worth a roasting. It's just a fact: if the sky is blue, the sky is blue. If Microsoft is a failure, Microsoft is a failure. I'm merely stating facts; no need to get angry over it."



"Mr. _, my dad works at Microsoft."
Me: "I am so sorry! I hope he recovers soon."




Student "Whoa! I nearly died in fortnite!"
Me: "Well I nearly dyed in real life...but I decided to not tye dye any more shirts. That was more of a 90's thing."



"Mr. _, do you think you could take on McGregor?"
Me: "Isn't he just fiction? Have you read about benjamin bunny, and how he and his cousin got out of Mr. McGregor's garden? We know that McGregor is constantly angry, but he is a farmer, not a soldier."



I know I can be great at stand-up comedy, but I'd much rather sit down to crack jokes.

 

[AncientBoi]

 

[Veho]

Did you hear the one about the lonely pyromaniac?

He's still looking for the perfect match.

 

[MPRTwice]

 

[AncientBoi]

Did you hear the one about the lonely pyromaniac?

He's still looking for the perfect match.

 

[Veho]

Why was Cinderella bad at tennis?



Her coach was a pumpkin.

 

[hippy dave]

Your mum sticks so many toys up her arse, they call her Anal Fissure Price.

 

[Veho]

 

[MPRTwice]

They say top movie directors are great at casting: nonsense. I've seen better casting from those who get catfish at the local pond.

 

[Veho]

So I just heard that a local company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer.

 

[Veho]

 

[MPRTwice]

 

[x65943]

View attachment 554723

I never encountered someone so proud about owning a less feature rich copy of the sims