Breaking my limits

Blaze163

The White Phoenix's purifying flame.
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Lali ho >:(

I'm very cross indeed. Here's a short list of reasons why I'm thoroughly fucked off right now.

- My replacement router arrived today and my netbook won't connect to it. It shilly-shallies around for a few minutes trying to connect but in fact does nothing. I know the router works as my old man has it connected to his laptop. I therefore suspect that the WPA2 passcode he gave me is incorrect. Furthermore I no longer suspect this is accidental. He's always been a control freak, he pulls shit like this all the time. He hates me having anything that he cannot control. Simple fact is that he's mentally unstable, he needs to be put into a care home, or possibly a hospital if he doesn't get out of my fuckin' face.

The thing is, I have a darker side to me. One he's running dangerously close to encountering. I never let it out if I can help it. I tend to bottle up my emotions and suppress them as much as I can, venting safely with things like this until I calm down a little, because I know what I'm capable of when pushed, it scares me. But the level of venting simply isn't enough to stop the inevitable any more. Eventually when it all gets too much, someone will say something stupid and 23 years worth of betrayals and disappointments will come flooding to the surface in a deadly tidal wave of raw energy my companions have somewhat less than humourously named the Limit Break phenomena. With all that anger and energy flowing through me I'm capable of some truly insane abilities, and what's worrying is that the first thing to go when I get like this is my sense of morality. If you're in my way, you're a viable target. There are perhaps 3 exceptions to this rule, people who can stand before me and expect to survive, namely the important young ladies in my life. But as none of them are around right now it's not looking good. I'm dangerously close to unleashing all the rage building up within me, losing my mind and attacking anything within range without restraint or regret. I'm truly evil when I finally snap. Thankfully it doesn't happen often, there are only two recorded uses of the Limit Break in my entire history, and God knows they were fucking asking for it.

Probably not the healthiest way to deal with my problems...

- Work is being a wretched hive of scum and villainy right now. The rumour is that the town centre store is closing down instead of us, although I won't have confirmation of anything until tomorrow night at the staff meeting. But that's the least of their problems. Several good team members are threatening to quit because the management has been fiddling the rotas and not paying them for shifts they clearly worked. It's happened to me before, I work overtime for them or an entire extra shift and nothing ever shows up for my trouble. Most of us have had enough of it and are pretty much all looking for new jobs regardless of whether we close or not. I try to be tolerant but people messing with my money (IE: the all-important magical substance that allows me to pay my bills and therefore remain alive) is something I cannot forgive. There are people relying on me for help, I cannot allow them to suffer so the management can line their own pockets.

- As I said, the old man hates me having anything. Always has. You recall I wished to get a dog a while ago? A siberian husky pup to be precise. Strange how he's suddenly decided to get one. Why? Because then it would be his. Under his control. Same as everything else. I don't see exactly what he stands to gain from this, to be honest. He's close to death at this point, whether by the slow decay of time or by my blade in his throat. You'd think he'd be trying to fill what precious little time he has left with things worthy of remembrance. Unless he's going for the title of World's Biggest Cunt, I don't see him being remembered for anything. Aside from wasting his money on something I was perfectly willing to pay for myself, which I'll inherit when he dies anyway, thus gaining him nothing in the long run. Not exactly playing your cards right, are you Chrome Dome?

- Getting sick of my brother as well. His daughter is going through that awkward age at around 15 where all she can think of is boys, falling in love, etc. As such she's constantly wittering on in her facebook updates about the boy of the time (it changes with about the same frequency as most people's underwear) and she never actually speaks to anyone directly, including my brother. I can understand that he's upset that his daughter isn't talking to him much right now, but it pisses me off that he's so childish about it. He fails to understand that girls are like that when they get to that age. He makes no effort to understand her at all, he just whines like a bitch about how she's abandoned him and how he has nothing. Someone call this fuckwit a waaambulance, he's got a terminal case of whiny bitch syndrome.

- Sian's been very friendly and talkative lately, which is of course a good thing. But it does bring in to sharp focus that at the end of the day, she's there in New Zealand and I am not. It's heartbreaking to know that there's basically nothing I can do about it. One of three people known to completely halt a Limit Break dead in its tracks and bring me back to my senses, and she's 13 thousand miles away. Only Amelia and one other are capable of such a feat. Amelia and I are not on the best of terms right now, it's a long story the short of it being that she's upset that I'm hung up on Sian instead of her. And the other...well, let's just say she's unavailable and leave it at that, shall we? Nowadays she's more likely to trigger a Break than halt one.

All I truly want is just a chance to make up for how unfairly I treated Sian as a child. The way I just vanished one day without a word and broke her heart. I was a total dick head to her, the sweetest girl I've ever known. Would it spoil some vast eternal cosmic plan to give me five minutes with her? Of course it would, that would be good things happening to good people. In the last 23 years I've gathered pretty much conclusive evidence that this never happens.

- My skin was literally tearing apart at work today. I kept starting to bleed for no reason. No cuts, no impacts of any kind. My skin was just ripping apart. It's really quite painful. Starts with my fingernails but today it was my entire arm. I suspect it's simply my body's way of dealing with my stress-induced ludicrously high blood pressure. Either way, one customer passed up a good pair of shoes because I'd left a rather large blood stain on them <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/frown.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":(" border="0" alt="frown.gif" />

- Some money has vanished from my bank account. I suspect it's my broadband bill, or at least hope so. I had £60 in there last time I looked. Now I have £30. The numbers about add up for it to be the broadband bill, and it had better be because if if I've been charged a connection fee for this replacement router (the only other realistic possibility) then A) I can't pay my bill, I won't have enough, and B) I wouldn't pay my bill even if I could because the old router was faulty and I'm not getting anywhere with the new one, ergo I'm not paying any fucking connection fees, plus my download speed isn't anything close to where it should be. So they can shove it up their arse.

HOLD IT!!!

Well, I guess it's not all bad. Here's a few minor wins to brighten the mood lest anyone reading goes suicidal.

- Dissidia Duodecim works. Untouched ISO on Prome-4. Win. Of course I can't understand the story but it's nice to get to grips with the system before the US/UK release in a few weeks. Tifa and Yuna are awesome, Laguna is decent, Kain is pretty cool. Don't like Vaan so much (never did) and Lightning...not a bad fighter but of course I'm unsure if she'll be any more likeable this time. FFXIII was not a good vessel for her. Like Balthier in FFXII. If you're in a game that sucks camel gonads then you're gonna have to go some to impress me next time.

- The 3DS is actually only £220 now in GAME, so I've saved a tenner. I have £140 of that set aside already, safe and sound where even the old man wouldn't dare trying to steal it. So it seems acquiring it won't be a problem. Of course DOA Dimensions has been put back, forcing me to re-evaluate my launch night plan, but c'est la vie. Still not sure what to get. Thinking Samurai Warriors, Pilotwings and either a racer or Nintendogs. But GAME get their new software in about 4 days, so I'll just test all the games and make decisions based on gameplay, I guess. Will chime in when I know more, as always.

- I've seen Scott Pilgrim VS The World about six hundred thousand times already and I still enjoy it. I think it may well be my new favourite movie of all time, beating previous leader Top Gun by a narrow margin.

- I have jelly beans.

- Even if my dad DOES get the husky pup instead of me, it's still a win in my book. The last dog we had only obeyed me anyway, dogs never trust him (they can sense evil) so it'd still be pretty much my dog, except that tool will be paying for it. So I get what must be an absolute pussy magnet for free. And when I move out I'd have to take the dog with me because without my financial input there's no way he'd be able to keep it.

And if you don't believe that a siberian husky pup would be a pussy magnet, look into this little guy's eyes and tell me you don't immediately jelly.

<a href="http://www.pets4homes.co.uk/pets4homes/home.nsf/LookupUNID/202569E1C6FCA644802578490033A71D" target="_blank">http://www.pets4homes.co.uk/pets4homes/hom...02578490033A71D</a>

And yes, I would totally call it Nanaki just to be the world's second saddest Final Fantasy geek, second only to the couple who named their child Sephiroth a few years ago. I'm not THAT sad.

Well, best be off to try and figure out some way out of this hole. I know I bitch and whine a lot but I do try to keep a positive outlook. I may not be with the girl I love but at least I have her as a great friend. I may live in a shithole full of retards, but I'm not dying in some war-torn hovel. So it could be worse. It just feels shit right now I guess. Probably because I miss her so much <img src="style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/frown.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid=":(" border="0" alt="frown.gif" />

Also, wtf is up with this dog? The puppy in the third photo is the one I want, but wtf is up with the first photo? Angry Dog. That photo needs to be made into a meme. Something like 'Angry Dog is not impressed'. To be posted as a counter-attack when trolls post stupid shit in your topics. Make that photo. Seriously. It has to happen.

<a href="http://www.pets4homes.co.uk/pets4homes/home.nsf/LookupUNID/79642F4213FEE86E8025783400536A98" target="_blank">http://www.pets4homes.co.uk/pets4homes/hom...025783400536A98</a>

Toodles.

Blaze.

'Yes, there's blood on my trainers. No, it's not mine. Any more questions you want answered, sir?' - An extract from the shop floor today.
 

Nujui

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It seems you have a lot of stress to go through. Your family seems to do things that are very annoying.

Not as much as me. My family is ok....well, if they found out this thing about me, they'ed probably disown me. Part of the family that it is.
 

Slyakin

See ya suckers
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Seems like your life is really just a fucked-up roller coaster. (Sometimes for the better!)

I am SOOO jelly of that puppy. It's ADORABLE!

Oh, and BTW:

LIMIT BRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKOOO
 

Canonbeat234

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Let me give you a word of advice. That 'LIMIT BREAK' is nothing but a bullshit gamer reference. You know what all that rage isn't going to surface, you know why?! Because all those years of anger and rage will decay into a black ooze call depression. That depression will eat you up if you don't let go of your emotional turmoil!

Look at those other people who have that 'LIMIT BREAK' like myself, I got mistreated like crazy and wanted to kill someone or unleash my rage on something to calm myself down. I had WAY too much rage to control it so I started to get depressed. That depression lead to suicidal thoughts and you know the rest. That happened to me in Juninor High School which if I didn't had a friend inside that school, I might of poisoned my 'enemies' at the prom. Lucky I had my father to talk some harsh sense into my life back then, or I wouldn't be alive at this point.

Right now, I control my temper and anger because I don't let it control me or give it a place to harbor inside the regions of my subconsciousness. If you have that kind of rage, why not do something...I don't know...CONSTRUCTIVE THINKING?!?
 

Blaze163

The White Phoenix's purifying flame.
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....clearly I'm not the only one with issues.

My 'limit break' is an observed phenomena, remember? It's happened before. Last time was when a friend of mine was being brutally attacked and I was pushed far beyond my usual tolerances, attacking everyone and everything within my reach. Observers reported use of techniques and abilities far beyond my usual level that nobody can account for, after watching a video of the event captured on a camera phone I can tell you I used at least half a dozen moves I don't recall learning. A lot of bones got broken that day. And despite the years of battle I've seen, none of my bones have ever been broken. Go figure.

Generally speaking I calm myself down a little by venting my anger, usually here in my blogs. Writing helps for some reason. After a bad day at work writing another few chunks of the plot for our big RPG project tends to help me escape my problems for an hour or so. Games are literally a life saver. A decent game can take my mind off almost anything. Lylat Wars is one to keep around at all times.

I got the correct version of my WPA code out of my dad. I had to punch him in the face to get it, but god knows the prick was asking for it. I pay for this connection, what the fuck right does he have to withhold the access code? It's not even his house, I pay the bills here. I work, he's on the dole.

Got an engineer from Virgin Media coming out tomorrow, we're not getting anywhere close to the net speed I was promised, so he's coming to either fix it or remove it if it can't be repaired.

Got to go to work at 6 tonight, find out what the deal is with the closure list. So as of tonight I might be made redundant. I have at least 2 months to find something else even if we do close, but times are tough in this city so I'd rather not have to go job hunting again.

Aside from that life remains pretty meh.
 

ProtoKun7

GBAtemp Time Lord Regenerations: 4
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Quite an unusual phenomenon, though I know what you mean. I'm good with emotional suppression, although I haven't gone on a rage.
 

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