Last Seen Movie

The Devil's Mouth

Despite my complaints about new creature features, I decided to watch this direct-to-Prime movie. I already knew the movie had gotten low ratings and whatnot. I knew what I was getting into, but I wanted to continue this streak of watching poor movies. There's always a chance I could like the movie. The main draw is the two leading ladies, Kathryn Newton and Lana Condor. They were in Ready or Not 2 and Coyote vs. Acme, respectively. Those movies are far better than The Devil's Mouth. Both of them were very charming in those films. I've seen Newton in several other films, and she has such lovely energy. I had hoped that these charming women would be the saving grace of The Devil's Mouth. To an extent, they were, but the movie actively tried to sabotage them! So the movie is about a group of young adults vacationing in Thailand. They go on a guided tour to the Devil's Mouth, a cave that Kathryn Newton's character's dad loved. They make some bad decisions and become hunted by a bull shark. So it's basically Jaws meets The Descent. Maybe that sounds good on paper, but the execution was so flawed. One of the biggest reasons for the bad execution was the visual style of the film. Hell, there is no visual style! It's all grounded in reality, so you spend about 80% of the movie in a cave. There's no big natural light source. It's very dim, and it wears on the viewer quickly. They have small helmet lights, but that hardly helps with the variety. The primary location for this movie becomes pretty dull and murky. Admittedly, I did react to some moments where characters fall off certain spots or take damage from the rocks, but that's mostly because they broke the monotony of seeing a cave for close to 90 minutes. I think The Descent is a great film, and I felt the claustrophobia and danger of that cave system. It was so visceral, but The Devil's Mouth doesn't even come close to capturing that vibe. It would've been better if it was just a shark movie or even just a cave film.

Oh, and the shark. Unsurprisingly, it's completely CGI. There's no info about the budget, but it's clear that the CGI is shoddy. It's kind of crazy that Hungry has better CGI! The CGI was also rough when bodies are pulled out of place or during other unusual movements. For example, Sara (Kathryn Newton) pulls the remains of a shark victim. It's the top half of a body, but Sara was able to easily lift and lure the shark away from her. That was so silly. Most of the blood looked like CGI. One of the first major showcases of blood was hurt by the overly light shade. In the climax of the movie, Sara used some of her own blood to bring the shark to her. She squeezed on a wound to make it bleed and then flicked it into the water. That moment was so unrealistic, the blood was flung several yards down into the water. I think the best effect, which isn't saying much, is the jellyfish sting marks on Sara. She was attacked by several jellyfish in the first act. The shark kills weren't dazzling and were more or less the same. The movie is PG-13, which is limiting when it comes to shark violence. The shark would grab onto a body with its mouth, swim around with the body stuck, and then they go underwater, dying shortly after. Sometimes you don't even see the shark getting a bite, just the body being pulled down underwater. It was pretty silly how the shark acted as a serial killer. It stalked its prey and attacked when the opportunity presented itself. I suppose the cave concept was thought of because it limited the shark's coverage and territory, thus making it more likely to act as a serial killer. That's still a major reach. Going back to moments where characters fell or took damage from the elements of the cave, those were actually more gripping than the actual shark attacks. Even with those being good, the movie wasn't consistently thrilling or engaging. It was boring much of the time, and it felt a little too long. It's 106 minutes, but it felt longer than that.

Actually, one unintentional highlight of the film was when the first shark kill happened. It was only impactful because right after it happened, my phone got a notification. My notification sound is the Fatality announcement from Mortal Kombat 2! So it was as if the announcer said "Fatality" in response to that kill. That was funny.

As expected, the cast of 20-somethings were somewhat annoying. Some of them lacked character, and you just know they're going to be shark food. It's almost insulting how obvious the victims are in the film. The very first victim of the shark was a diver who hardly had any dialogue. I complained about the drama and backstories of characters in Hungry and Spider Island. It's more justified and generally a little better in this film. But it didn't do a lot for the movie overall. What was more offensive was the repeated blame-game situations. So many moments and kills were followed by debates over who was to blame, even toward the end of the movie! One of the worst turned out to be a dream sequence, but the fact that it felt so real is a damning sign. The worst one that actually happened was when Sara told Max that they tried her way and it was a bust. After over an hour of shark attacks and heavy-duty trauma, saying something like that is absolutely wild! That's something the viewer should think on their own, but when the movie is saying it out loud, it feels so wrong. On top of that, the audience already knows Max is very problematic. There was no further need to shove that in our faces. Lana Condor played Max. Holy crap, it was day and night between her character in Coyote vs. Acme and this film. She was likable in Coyote vs. Acme, and unlikable in The Devil's Mouth. It was definitely intentional for Max to be problematic, but they went at it way too much, while also still wanting to make her kind of sympathetic, especially toward the end. It's kind of similar to one of the characters in Hungry. I felt bad for Lana Condor. I could see the effort in her performance, but the script and directing repeatedly ruined her. The dialogue she got was so bad, as if the writers actually despised this character more than the audience. Her boyfriend, James (Nico Hiraga), took part in the blame game at one point, telling Sara that she is at fault for letting Max be in charge. This is deep into the movie, where they have to go through various air pockets and risky paths to find a way out. At that point, saying shit like that is a total dick move. It's strange too because James is supposed to be one of the nice guys. He has a somewhat decent monologue, even though it was obvious foreshadowing. One of the characters who lacked a lot of definition was Greg, played by Gavin Casalegno. He was a pretty generic jock except for one random quirk, a fear of blood. A childish saying would be repeated multiple times to calm the guy down. It was so damn goofy, so the sooner he died, the better. That fear of blood was brought up at the start of the shark attack. It didn't come up when Sara got all those jellyfish sting marks. They were red and looked like blood streaks. The smartest character in the film was Wat (Tayme Thapthimthong), the tour guide. He was fine, but then they turned him into a jobber for no good reason after he wisely made a decision after the shark made its presence felt.

Kathryn Newton was the MVP of the film for me, the most likable character in the cast. That's not saying much, but I still mean it as a compliment since some of her natural charm shines in this muddy film. Unfortunately, like Lana Condor, she was given some shallow and horrible dialogue. Oh my goodness, she had some overly obvious shit, which wasn't helped by the monotype or bored delivery from the actress. Even if she said these lines in distress, it would still be a sign of a bad script. For example, when someone dies, she says something along the lines of "They're gone." Yeah, duh! Lines like that make me think the 2 writers couldn't think of anything clever or impactful, so they just rely on filler. Sometimes Newton's reactions were lacking, which I think is a sign of bad directing. She screams at certain points, but there was a lack of consistency. She doesn't shudder in terror enough. Sara also had a newly formed fear after the jellyfish attack. She would put her hand out as a sort of test. When it trembled, she tried to stop it, as a way to get over her fear. She only did that twice, the 2nd time was near the end of the movie! So it felt like they forgot about that new quirk of hers for much of the runtime. The biggest strength of Newton's performance was the physicality. I don't know how much of the swimming she and the cast did, but she seemingly did a lot. The rock climbing was also impressive, and I'm pretty sure that was her for most of that. She was very physical in Ready or Not 2, so I'm inclined to believe she did some stunts in The Devil's Mouth. Toward the end of the movie, seeing her climb up a rocky wall while her hair was tied up in a pigtail was enticing. She's beautiful. But that image also made me think that she would play a great Cassie Cage! If there's ever a live-action Mortal Kombat movie with Cassie Cage, they have to get Newton. It was frustrating how the dialogue made Sara appear dumb, but then you see her being smart and taking risks that paid off.

One minor positive about this movie is the sight of the Thai islands. In the first act when they're traveling to the cave, I was reminded of the 1995 Mortal Kombat film. The main characters traveled by boat to a remote island for the tournament. That was an actual location in Thailand, and I recognized some of the big rock formations and the overall area. Toward the end of the movie, I also recalled Send Help. Some of it was filmed in Thailand, the primary island location is set there. Maybe it's bad that this movie reminded me of far superior films. The Devil's Mouth is better than Hungry and Spider Island, but it's yet another lame creature feature in 2026. Jeff Wadlow, who directed Kick-Ass 2, among other movies, failed to make a thrilling shark film. The screenwriting pair failed to write compelling dialogue. Instead, a lot of their dialogue sabotaged the performances of Lana Condor and Kathryn Newton, the latter of whom was easily my favorite actor in the film. She and Condor deserved better. Hell, the shark deserved better. Specifically, it deserved better CGI. At least the CGI was better than in Big Shark, but I'd much rather watch that movie again than this. The Devil's Mouth is a largely forgettable creature film, void of compelling filmmaking. It's pure streaming fodder. Seriously, it's best to have this playing in the background while you're doing stuff. Paying attention to this film is sadly not rewarding.

4/10


Why Did I Get Married Again?

I watched the first movies in this apparent franchise in February, so I had to watch this. It sucked ass. The first two films also sucked, but they had some hilariously over-the-top moments. The final act of the 2nd movie was pure insanity. The third movie had a lot of soapy melodrama, but was largely unfunny. 16 fucking characters, almost every one of them had some subplot, but they're forgotten about. Those that weren't forgotten were more or less wrapped up in a very long, syrupy talking session involving most of the characters, with TP himself pontificating about marriage, parenting, and other shit. The first two movies had more craft. This film felt so cheap and is strongly representative of how much worse TP has become as a filmmaker. So much padding in this extremely thin narrative, there was even a blooper reel. Rather than being funny, the blooper reel shined a very damning light on Tyler Perry as a director. For example, a lot of rushing. He forgets the names of some actors. To be fair, the young cast members were largely forgettable. Some of his directing and comments came off as rude. The only big laugh I got from the entire film was in the blooper reel. Michael Jai White, who was decent in the film, had to deliver a line that addressed the absence of Patricia, Janet Jackson's character, in the first two movies. The explanation was stupid and contradictory, but Michael Jai White's reaction to that line was funny! The MVP of the film was Tasha Smith. She still had a banging body, perhaps even more banging than in the previous 2 films. Her delivery was still loud, booming, sometimes obnoxious, but more often enjoyable. Hell, the other women returning from the previous film looked great as well. It was nice to see the returning cast members. Not Tyler Perry, of course. It was such a drab film.

3/10

All 5 Death Wish movies

To me, only the first two are really any good.

Monster's Ball

The only thing I knew about the movie was that it won the Best Lead Actress Oscar for Halle Berry. She made history as the first Black woman to win that Oscar. Sadly, she remains the only Black woman to have won that award. That's wild. This was the same night Denzel Washington won Best Lead Actor for Training Day. Also the same night they gave Sidney Poitier an Honorary Oscar. So the Academy was seemingly all in on awarding Black actors. I was curious if Halle Berry really deserved this. I was also curious if the movie aged well. This film was part of the weekly Discord watch party. Some members of the chat were a little baffled that Halle Berry won for this. She plays a mother who experienced numerous hardships and tragedies. One overarching hardship is that she lives in a very racist part of Georgia. Billy Bob Thornton plays a man who has experienced his own hardships and tragedies. Their paths would cross, but they were pretty much linked from the beginning. That early link turned out to be a dark cloud that always loomed over them as their relationship developed. A dark cloud that lasted through the end of the movie! One major factor of this film is that a lot of things are not settled. I believe that's intentional and is tied to another major factor. This movie feels very realistic. And part of real life involves situations never being resolved or addressed. The stuff left unresolved or just not addressed made for a stimulating conversation after the movie viewing. It helped that the movie was pretty compelling.

Halle Berry's performance is a bit of a mixed bag. I can see why she won the Oscar. She had the most emotionally raw scenes, she cried a lot, she had the tragic arc of a suffering Black woman. Her performance was basically misery porn, and back in the early 2000s, that was prime Oscar bait. Aspects of her performance have not aged all that well for me. Even if she was fully white, this performance would still win an Oscar because of how baity it is. With that said, it was often compelling. I think the peak of her performance was a scene in the middle of the movie where her character, Leticia, and Billy Bob's character, Hank, are chatting in her home. She was grieving about someone's death. That was so effective, and it felt a little real because not only was she remembering the good times with this person, but she also insulted them. Perhaps too much, but it was still real to me. This scene also had a crazy and uncomfortable turn as the two characters proceeded to fuck! There were a few other sex scenes before this, and those were either awkward or unsettling. This scene was both, and way too long! I didn't know this movie had so many damn sex scenes. I knew Halle Berry and Billy Bob had this sex scene, but I had no idea it was that long. I wasn't ready for how grimy it was. I don't want to be a prude, but a scene like that kind of justifies Gen Z's aversion to sex scenes in films. That scene was such a conversation piece, and everyone in the chat was uncomfortable with it. They had another sex scene toward the end. It wasn't as grimy, but by that point, the movie did more than enough in depicting sex.

Going back to Berry's performance, her southern accent sometimes felt forced or like a stereotype. The chemistry between her and Billy Bob was awkward, but I think that was the point. Despite criticizing the sex scenes in this movie, I recognize that the movie is supposed to be unsettling. For that, I'll show some respect for the movie. The cast seemed very committed to this vision. I feared Billy Bob Thornton would be a white savior, but he was a deeply flawed character. Hell, Leticia was deeply flawed as well. The movie did a decent job of making it so that Leticia and Hank needed each other. I can see people looking at the relationship as a redemption for Hank. Pairing him with Leticia meant erasing the guy's racism, which seemed to be hereditary, as his father was a vile racist. The depiction of racism felt real as it was illogical and inconsistent. That's racism in a nutshell, especially in America. Hank's father, played by Peter Boyle, was pretty much like Sean Penn's Lockjaw character in One Battle After Another. Boyle was very effective in this role, he previously played a racist in the movie Joe. Oh yeah, going back to Billy Bob, he was pretty good. Similar to Boyle, he's kind of too good at playing a racist. I wonder why. At least he was a recovering racist, and that turn made sense to me. I didn't know Heath Ledger was in the film! What a pleasant surprise, though he doesn't have a lot of screen time. As expected, the actor was clearly locked in. Man, he was gone too soon. I think the guy would've had a long, awards-filled career. The guy knew how to embody a character, to be very present, and to attract the viewer, regardless of the character he played. Mos Def also had a small role in this film, it was cool to see him.

The best scene for me was when Leticia went to Hank's house and met his father. That scene had me so tense. I thought the father was going to react very harshly. I loved the tension and awkwardness. The transition from that to the next scene was so funny! I'm not sure if that was intentional. The ending of the movie felt a little dragged out, but it was very impactful. I like the movie overall. Some elements of it haven't aged all that well. At the same time, it could've been far worse. It could've been a preachy movie about racism and redemption. Instead, it did a fine job depicting Deep South racism and various tragedies that turn people's lives upside down. The bonding between people after their individual tragedies was also handled well. It's definitely not a feel-good movie. I wish some situations were addressed. I admired the quiet ending, but I would've liked a final, loud confrontation. I might like the movie more on a rewatch, but I don't know if I want to rewatch it! It's kind of a tough watch. Certain moments and recurring things are goofy. For example, Hank's love of chocolate ice cream. I don't know if there was anything to that. I couldn't help but assume that there was symbolism behind that. What also makes the movie a little tough to watch is Diddy! Yeah, he was in the first act of the movie. That's not a lot of screen time, compared to the two leads, but it's still a lot to stomach! Then again, what happens to Diddy might be appealing to those who hate him. I certainly liked what happened to him. Anyway, Monster's Ball is a good movie. I'm glad I finally watched it. I'm glad Halle Berry won an Oscar, she definitely went for it. The effort is enough for me to believe that she deserved the award.

7.5/10


Stranger Than Fiction

What a crazy double feature. Monster's Ball was basically a "feel bad" movie. Stranger Than Fiction is easily a feel-good film. Both are directed by Marc Forster! That's so jarring, but it's the mark of an eclectic filmmaker. Funnily enough, both films have certain similarities that clearly indicate they're directed by the same man. The most noteworthy thing both films feature is feet! And there's seemingly no preference, as Marc Forster features the feet of men and women. Peter Boyle's crusty feet got a close-up in Monster's Ball. Halle Berry was barefoot a few times. In Stranger Than Fiction, you become overly familiar with the feet of Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson! Oh boy. Both films also feature sex scenes! Stranger Than Fiction is PG-13, so the sex stuff is a lot more toned down. Thank goodness, it was actually hotter and more fascinating than what Monster's Ball had. Anyway, this movie is pretty well-known as one of the few where Will Ferrell was pretty subdued. The movie is more or less a dramedy, so he's still funny at times. It's very much like Jim Carrey in The Truman Show. The movie in general reminded me of The Truman Show, as it's about a man who is unknowingly controlled by a seemingly omnipotent force. In this case, that omnipotent force wasn't aware of its power, so it's not as nefarious as what was done in The Truman Show. I really liked the premise of the movie. I might be spoiling the concept by making this comparison, but the film is kind of like In the Mouth of Madness, if it wasn't an apocalyptic horror film. Seeing Will Ferrell grapple with this situation he seemingly has no control over was fascinating. His performance felt earnest. I did keep imagining him yelling and going off on various plot developments. But he was always subdued. He did yell a few times, but it never felt over the top like in his typical comedies. I think he does a great job in this role. I kind of related to the character's commitment to routine and counting stuff. The movie made that seem boring, of course, so he does drop those habits. He still became very likable. Compared to other characters I've seen Ferrell play, Harold Crick is the one I want to hang out with the most. I would likely have trouble connecting with his other characters, either because they're too wild or obnoxious. They're characters I enjoy from a distance, while Harold Crick seems fine to be close with.

The supporting cast is very strong. Maggie Gyllenhaal was pretty much the romantic interest in the film. The first scene she shared with Will Ferrell was an unusual trigger of Harold's crush, but it was funny. I always found Maggie Gyllenhaal attractive, but there was something about her in this film that damn near turned me on! She wasn't dolled up. Hell, she's kind of more grungy in this than in other films, as she played a bakery owner who is basically a leftist. Maybe her politics were an extra turn-on, but that was only in the forefront in her first scene. Maybe it was her house, which looked so elaborately designed. The production design of the film overall was so unexpectedly hard. I felt that the production designer was given free rein. Another memorable set was Professor Jules Hilbert's office. His shelf had so many books and a little square TV in the middle. It looked like it was on the verge of collapsing if one or two more books were squeezed in. Professor Hilbert was played by Dustin Hoffman, who was pretty charming and effective in the film. Maggie Gyllenhaal's natural charm was also a major reason I gravitated to her character. Hoffman, though, countered some of his charm by being randomly gross a few times! Obviously, that's the nature of the character, but it was still weird. He randomly went barefoot in his office when he talked with Harold. The character's role in the film was to help Harold figure out his situation. He's a literature professor, so his expertise was useful. The man is also a lifeguard, and the people who go to the pool are all old, overweight men! You see several chunky men's butts in one shower scene! In one scene with Hilbert on duty as a lifeguard, he does something really nasty with his nostrils. Emma Thompson played Karen Eiffel, a famous author. She also had a nasty habit where she'd put out cigarettes with a soggy paper towel! Hell, that's two nasty habits in one since she's a smoker. Emma Thompson mostly played the character as expected. Her acting typically involves being quirky, funny, eloquent, and charming. All of that was present in this movie. It worked for this movie, especially with the significance of the character. A slight edge to the character is her being suicidal and her fascination with death. Of course, that's played up for comedy. It worked well enough. It certainly helped that she was paired with Queen Latifah, who was great! Queen Latifah's character was the new assistant to Karen Eiffel. Tony Hale played Dave, a co-worker of Harold Crick. He was pretty funny and had some nice moments. There were other important characters in the movie, but they had smaller roles, and I don't think they were named.

I was heavily invested in the story. It was definitely of its time. It was somewhat bright, twee, and even a little magical. The main concept of the film does lean it into fantasy territory. I enjoyed all that, I liked the balance of drama and comedy. But then the movie wrapped things up. The final 10 or so minutes of the movie were fine, but I wanted it to be sadder. I wanted the drama to be more powerful than the comedy. I think if the movie were made now, the director or writer would be more daring to end the movie on a sadder note. They would still be able to make the viewer smile to some extent. The ending felt like a quick reversal of everything the movie had built up by that point. Fate was a major theme in the story. I like that theme, mainly because I saw it tackled so well in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Multiple parts of the manga/anime had different depictions of fate, but had the same general message. The message is that you can't control your fate, but you can make the best of that. Fate will benefit the person who walked on the side of justice or was generally a good person. Even if a person's fate is a sudden death, their impact before that is very positive. I thought that's what Harold Crick's fate would resemble, but the movie did a whole 180. I understand why that happened, but if they had to stick with that, they could've focused on a certain aspect of it. That aspect was basically acceptance of mediocrity, or, to put it more nicely, being content with just doing "okay." A certain line of dialogue indicated the movie was going to have a conversation about that. But nope, I think I was just overanalyzing. Anyway, the wrap-up felt very 2000s.

If the movie had a bolder, sadder ending, I would've believed that it was better than Monster's Ball. That movie wound up being more impactful, even though it was unsettling and had some elements I wasn't a fan of. Stranger Than Fiction had all the right tools, but I just wish they stuck the landing better. At the same time, the ending was to be expected, and it is good overall. It just could've been better. Still, I enjoyed Stranger Than Fiction. I think it's more rewatchable than Monster's Ball due to the lighter tone. While I enjoyed Will Ferrell's more subdued performance, I still can't help but absolutely love some of his roles in the 2000s. Anchorman is top-tier, for example. It's not like Jim Carrey, where his best relatively serious roles surpass some of his best comedic roles. Other members of the cast basically played to their strengths and weren't very new to me. They were still very charming. I'm glad I finally watched this movie. I'm surprised I didn't before because I watched a lot of Will Ferrell's comedies in the 2000s. This was a fascinating blind spot I finally took care of.

7.5/10


Kickboxer

This is the 200th film I watched in 2026. After choosing Bloodsport as movie 100, it felt right to celebrate the next milestone with another Jean-Claude Van Damme classic. A movie that's better than Bloodsport in so many ways. Cinematography, fight choreography, editing, the soundtrack, and even JCVD's acting are among the many strengths Kickboxer has over Bloodsport. It has more drama and a much better romance. But Bloodsport has a few major strengths over Kickboxer. Generally, the scrappier nature of it is so appealing. Chong Li's a more iconic villain than Tong Po, and that's purely because of Bolo Yeung. Some of the bad acting in Bloodsport is hilarious, but Kickboxer also has its fair share of comically bad acting. I watched the 4K version of Kickboxer that Lionsgate put out a few years ago. Man, they did a fantastic job because the movie looks amazing. I love the colors and the whole texture. I felt like I could touch and taste the movie. Speaking of tasty, JCVD's sweaty body sure was appealing. This movie is just as 80s as Bloodsport with the music, montages, and cheesy dialogue. I had such a blast revisiting this film. For me, Bloodsport is JCVD's Godfather. Kickboxer is his Godfather 2!

10/10


Kickboxer 2

I was torn on what to watch on Sunday. I ultimately went with this because it had a minor link to another movie I watched recently, along with it obviously being linked to the first Kickboxer. That minor link was Peter Boyle, who was the racist dad in Monster's Ball. He plays a much smaller and pointless character in Kickboxer 2. Perhaps it goes without saying that this movie is weaker than the Van Damme classic in nearly every single way. I think the only thing it has over the original Kickboxer is that it's bloodier, but that doesn't mean much. Sasha Mitchell wasn't a good replacement for JCVD. He lacked the aura, charisma, and even the body. His acting was weak, and he came off as a douche with his suave, pretty-boy voice. The man has a martial arts/kickboxing background, but it somehow didn't translate well to this film. His fighting wasn't all that great, and it was worse when they had him copy JCVD's signature moves. Some of the supporting cast was the saving grace for this film. Only two actors returned from the first movie, Dennis Chan and Michel Qissi as Xian and Tong Po, respectively. It felt like Xian and Tong Po were shoehorned in because the first half seemingly built up David's student as the next big thing. David was played by Sasha Mitchell, by the way. It reminded me of Rocky V with Tommy Gunn. Instead, in the second half, they pivoted to Tong Po being the big boss. At least that man was the most interesting fighter of the lot. Dennis Chan was more comic relief in this than the previous film, becoming more like Mr. Miyagi. It worked for me. Matthias Hues was basically the big obstacle for the first third of the movie, then he is suddenly gone, with only dialogue to explain what happened to him. That was so lame, that man could've been the Tong Po of this film. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa was great as always. RIP to such a legend. He once again had great line delivery, which is saying a lot since the script was bad, and very sharp facial expressions. His character replaces Peter Boyle as the evil manager, which was weird because it made Boyle completely unnecessary. They should've just had Tagawa as the main villain from the start. Vincent Klyn was also wasted, a big guy with a striking look, but he doesn't do any fighting.

There were fewer fight scenes, and none of them were as great as the ones in Kickboxer. It sucks because one of the fight choreographers was the legendary Benny "The Jet" Urquidez, who did a fantastic job choreographing the fights in Road House. Maybe he just didn't have enough time. Not to mention that Sasha Mitchell had to copy JCVD a lot. The Tong Po fight scenes were dominated by slow motion. The first one was 100% slow motion. That was a little obnoxious, padding the runtime. But I did laugh a few times from that. What also makes the movie watchable is the unintentional comedy. I laughed a few times at dramatic moments, such as the mom of the former student seeing her son get destroyed by Tong Po. Some of the intentional comedy from Dennis Chan was effective. There is a roastable quality to the movie, and I think I would enjoy it more if I watched it with people. But it's still a poor film. It would've been better if it were a sequel in name only. No Retreat No Surrender 2 is an example of that, and while that movie isn't as batshit insane and hilarious as the first one, it was still entertaining. This movie isn't even as good as that. Sasha Mitchell played David Sloan, the younger brother of Kurt and Eric from the first movie. They never mentioned another brother, this was bullshit retconning. It was funny to see pictures of Kurt and Eric, and they looked nothing like Jean-Claude Van Damme and Danny Alexio. They did give one of them a tache to try and resemble Eric, but that was laughable. Also, in Kickboxer, their surname was "Sloane." Why drop the E?

The movie was directed by Albert Pyun. I've seen numerous films from this director, including the Van Damme-led Cyborg. He's sort of notorious for being able to make something out of nothing or very little. For example, he was given half a million and the costumes from the canned Masters of the Universe sequel and was able to make Cyborg. Not a great movie, but it was something. He only had a few locations, not much lighting, a bunch of martial artists, and a very tiny budget. That led to Bloodmatch, which came out the same year as Kickboxer 2, and I find slightly more enjoyable. Watching Kickboxer 2 makes me want to revisit Bloodmatch. I've yet to see a great movie from Albert Pyun, but to be able to make decent movies with very little resources is impressive. Kickboxer 2 doesn't feel completely like an Albert Pyun film, he may have been a director for hire. Maybe that's why this film was pretty mediocre. Regardless, RIP to him. Interestingly, the movie was written by David S. Goyer, who famously wrote the Blade trilogy, among other films. He directed the infamous Blade: Trinity. His first script was for Death Warrant, a JCVD film! That might be why he was brought in for this one. Unfortunately, his dialogue was very weak, but it got some laughs out of me. If the movie didn't make me laugh at all, I would've rated it lower. So this is me appreciating the film to some extent and generally being nice to it.

5/10

The End of Oak Street

Oh boy. I have very strong gripes about it. Ewan McGregor's performance, the annoying kids, the baffling decisions they made, the explanation for the whole dinosaur situation, the bad comedy moments, including one involving the dinosaurs that I predicted and had to sit through. After a big moment happened in the third act, I said to myself, "They better not have...(SPOILERS)." And they did. That was part of the ending, which I am extremely sour about. Some positives though. Anne Hathaway was far and away the MVP. The best line delivery and range of emotions. McGregor, by comparison, was way too low-energy. I liked seeing P.J. Byrne be a total dipshit in this, as he was in Coyote vs. Acme. The cinematography is mostly great. A long sequence in the third act seemed like a oner. That was really cool. The pacing of the movie is very good. The tension, dinosaur action, and overall horror were very effective. I think that's where David Robert Mitchell shined as the director.

I wanted to believe that as the main producer, J.J. Abrams would not have had a strong influence on the movie. I was very naive to think that. There were numerous sequences and motifs that clearly point to Abrams. His Spielberg worship is a big example, and this movie worships Spielberg to death. The first few minutes of the movie were a very saccharine introduction to Middle America in the 1980s. Wow, isn't that new? As if a Netflix show that had 5 seasons in a nearly 10-year span didn't come out before this. Of course, I'm referring to Stranger Things. I rolled my eyes at the kids riding bikes, the pointless bully, and various ways the movie hammered it home that it's set in the 80s. Some overly obvious early 80s songs, like Hit Me With Your Best Shot. Then again, I admittedly liked hearing Turning Japanese playing somewhat faintly in the background early on. I also rolled my eyes at the Carl Sagan references, but that turned out to be kind of relevant to the plot. I thought a certain moment in the ending was an Abrams decision, but the beginning of the end credits made me think David Robert Mitchell wanted it. Still, the ending was overly chipper and happy, to the point where it felt like nothing tragic happened. The pain and heartache were reversed completely. Even with how Anne Hathaway acted in the end, reversing her strong feelings that were demonstrated in multiple scenes. If I were a kid and had never seen Jurassic Park, I would probably eat it up. Instead, I was fuming a bit.

The dinosaurs are a bit of a mixed bag. Some of them looked great, but others looked obviously fake. The dinosaur stampede looked so fake, for example. That was a ripoff of Jurassic Park, even though it was from a different angle. A minor ripoff was the pile of shit. As soon as I saw it, I thought of the Jeff Goldblum line, "That is one big pile of shit." The CGI depicting the scale of the neighborhood was way too obvious. I wish the movie changed the point of view. You spend the whole film with the family, whether together or separate. I wanted to see the perspective of other people. At least that would sell the terror of the dinosaurs. There was a lot of dino violence, but it was often in the background. I wanted it more front and center, but I guess that would've pushed the movie to an R. The violence really tested the PG-13 rating, but I guess the sentimental, sugary shit balanced things out. But that stuff even veered the film into PG territory at some points. A good critique I heard last month about this film is that it's at odds with itself. It's a tale of two films. An intense dino thriller fronted by David Robert Mitchell, and an 80s Spielberg worship session by J.J. Abrams. I watched multiple bad creature features recently. The End of Oak Street is definitely better and more well-made than those. But damn, it should've been great. I'm pretty angry about the ending, and it makes me want to give the movie a lower rating. But it has numerous strengths. It's frustrating that it's mediocre overall.

Quick shout-out to Michael Giacchino, who did the score. I was a little bothered by the overly cheery, whimsical pieces that definitely leaned on Spielberg. The suspenseful, thrilling, atmospheric music was far more effective. He also did the score for The Batman, so the guy has some range. Even though I don't like the kids, I'll shout out the actors. The script made them annoying. Fuck, the son, Brian, was such a little bitch! The apple didn't fall far from the tree, Ewan McGregor's character, Greg, was also a bitch. McGregor's line delivery was sometimes distracting because it sounded like he couldn't fully do an American accent. I swear I've heard him do an American accent decently before. But I kept hearing a dash of his Scottish tongue. I generally like Ewan McGregor, so it was disappointing that his performance wasn't strong. Anyway, while the son was annoying, I was kind of amused that I've seen the actor in a few other films before. Christian Convery is the kid. Maybe he's in demand, because I've seen him as the child version of the twins in The Monkey and young Victor in Guillermo Del Toro's Frankenstein, both films came out last year. Good for him getting work. His character was still an annoying little shit. One of my favorite moments was when Denise (Anne Hathaway) told him to shut the fuck up. But then she quickly apologized. Aw man. I wanted more scenes of Anne Hathaway using the shotgun. There was a picture of her holding a shotgun to show that he has experience. That's fine. The photos were distracting due to poor Photoshopping. The wedding photo of Hathaway and McGregor looked so bad.

The kids sure love sci-fi stuff. Audrey (Maisy Stella) had a 2001: A Space Odyssey poster. Brian had a Battlestar Galactica poster, and the dog was named Starbuck. Man, I love dogs, but I was getting a little annoyed with how the dog was used in this. I wasn't sure if the dog was real for a while. It looked like CGI. Maybe some parts of the dog's action were CGI. It was so obvious what the dog's fate would be. I was bothered by how much they teased shit with the dog. And Brian's love for Starbuck led to some baffling decisions. I couldn't help but nitpick over the logic in numerous scenes. For example, the only window that wasn't boarded up in the family's house was in Brian's room, allowing him to quickly leave the room and search for Starbuck. That triggered me. Moving on, Audrey wasn't as annoying as Brian, and at least they weren't under the age of 10. They're teenagers, so it's not a complete copy of Jurassic Park. They were still very flawed.

As I said earlier, the cinematography was mostly great. The only aspect of it that wasn't great was the spamming of split diopter shots! I know we talked about this a few weeks ago, but holy crap, I didn't expect it to be this egregious. Lee Cronin loves split diopter shots, there were quite a few of those in Evil Dead Rise and his Mummy film. But I don't think he spammed it as much as in The End of Oak Street! I felt compelled to count how many times a split diopter shot was used. The scene where the family is in a circle was the biggest offender. A lot of the shots in that were split-diopter, and it became obnoxious. I'm going to share screenshots that depict the split-diopter shot. Maybe I'm wrong on some of them, but I counted 19 split-diopter shots. 12 in that family circle scene. I wasn't sure how to count the shots for that scene because it looked like many of them were shown more than once. But fuck it, I'm counting each instance a split-diopter shot was shown, even if it's seemingly the same for multiple parts of a scene. It's been over 10 years since I watched It Follows, and I've never seen Under the Silver Lake. So I don't know if David Robert Mitchell likes split-diopter shots. Maybe this was done to pay tribute to Brian De Palma, who was a force in the 80s, at least in my opinion.

Okay, I calmed down as I spent time typing this review and sitting with the movie more. The End of Oak Street isn't a bad movie. But damn, it's very flawed. Maybe I'll like it more on another viewing, but I doubt I'll ever come around on the annoying kids, the overt Spielberg worship, the 80s nostalgia overload, and that ending.

6/10

Fatal Deviation

This was a shot-on-video film that was released in 1998. It's touted as the first Irish martial arts movie. I think it's also the last! It starred James Bennett, who basically made an audition tape by making his own movie. He got some friends and made a movie that rips off films by someone he's a huge fan of: Jean-Claude Van Damme. I saw a clip of the film posted on r/OKBuddyCinephile, and that made me want to watch the film. I had heard about it before, but didn't jump at watching it. The timing was also great because I recently watched Kickboxer. Fatal Deviation primarily rips off Kickboxer, Bloodsport, and even Hard Target. You can watch the movie for free on YouTube. Obviously, because it was shot on video and was made by amateurs, the quality is extremely rough. It's been referred to as one of the worst movies ever made. I think I first heard about the movie through the guy behind the Bad Movie Bible. James Bennett clearly modeled himself after Van Damme. He tried to copy his trademark moves, his mannerisms, and even his physique. The man's size and overall build looked so much like Van Damme at his peak. The guy also had the flexibility, at least in the sense that he could do a full split, but I don't think he could make it look effortless as Van Damme did. His first high kick in the movie required him to grab onto his leg with one hand and try to keep it up! The plot is pencil-thin, with it mainly being a revenge story with elements of the Van Damme movies I mentioned earlier. At first, it was like Kickboxer, especially with the training scenes being blatant ripoffs of the ones in Kickboxer. The "monk" was using sticks to train James similarly to Xian in Kickboxer. They even did their own version of the burning sticks, but they used real fire, which was dangerous. The movie has quite a few dangerous stunts, including a car rollover that made me concerned. James entered a tournament, and that part of the movie turned into Bloodsport. The third act was pretty much Hard Target, with the John Woo gunfighting, including dual-wielding guns and motorcycle shenanigans. One specific motorcycle stunt was a complete copy of what Van Damme did in that film. I laughed so much at this movie, but at a certain point, I realized that I would make a movie like this. Specifically, if I were a teen. If I had money and got myself an early-gen smartphone, I would try to film stuff that James Bennett and company did here. I would've definitely posted it on YouTube. In 2008, one of my friends filmed me jumping over a barricade with their flip phone. I tripped over the barricade and fell several feet through bushes, landing on my head. I had a little lump on my head that lasted for a bit, but thankfully the grassy area and having a huge afro at the time cushioned my fall. That video was posted on YouTube. The quality of that stunt is slightly lower than what was on display in this film. So much Jean-Claude Van Damme worship in Fatal Deviation, but my amateur film would have a lot of Jackie Chan worship. I would copy stuff from Police Story, Project A, Drunken Master 2, Dragons Forever, etc. Hell, I would throw in John Woo, Jet Li, Van Damme, and Donnie Yen, to name just a few. It's still valid to say this Fatal Deviation is a "so bad it's good" movie, but it's also a very cool love letter to one man's hero and the martial arts action genre in general. That's wholesome. It's very rough around the edges, but it has so much heart. The clip on r/OKBuddyCinephile was of the final scene. That's hilarious and quotable, but I came away fixated on the main villain of the movie basically turning to face the camera and saying, "What the fuck is that?" That delivery was fucking gold!

9/10


Love Beat the Hell Out of Me

I heard about the movie about 3 years ago through Degenerocity. It took me too long to give it a try. Finally I did, and I'm so thankful! It's a Tubi original, and if you're familiar with those, then you know it's some bullshit. It's incredibly cheap, terribly written, poorly acted, and atrociously directed. It's the bottom of the barrel in terms of filmmaking. The sound mixing is off. There's no blocking. Actors talked over each other. They recorded audio with the camera. No boom mics at all, and you know they had cheap cameras. They may have used iPhones. The pacing is painfully slow. Scenes go on way too long. The editing is trash, with there being moments that make you beg for a cut, and moments where a cut is so damn sudden and ill-timed. Random shit happens, there's a lack of continuity, and there was a massive plot hole. A character dies, but then is alive a few scenes later. But it's fucking hilarious! I laughed so many times at the movie. It's the best Tubi original I've seen. The others I've seen were very dry and annoying. All those were directed by Christopher Stokes. This director made a technically worse movie, but it's much more entertaining. The movie is too unbearable at times, especially in the first third. That was very slow and meandering. Once the main guy, Antonio, cheated on his wife, Rene, and then physically assaulted her, the movie started to cook. The pacing was still slow, and the momentum would be ruined at various points, but the movie didn't have that long a stretch again. Every few minutes, there was something more baffling, yet hilarious. Each actor introduced in the film was somehow worse than the last! Damn, Rene actually said the title of the movie. That scene seemed like a ripoff of Poetic Justice, as it was like a poem delivered through voiceover. This film definitely beat the hell out of me with how hilarious it was. But after watching Fatal Deviation the day before, I can't say it was on that level. That movie was more charming and had fewer slow parts. Both movies would be fantastic to watch with other people.

8.5/10

Run Hide Fight: Infidels

At least Citizen Vigilante was short! This is a 2-hour and 8-minute film comprised of right-wing propaganda, Islamophobia, one-note characters, lame acting, poor mixing of the rock songs they somehow were able to get, and even more! When it's not offensive, it's dreadfully boring! Jonathan Majors has top billing, but he's barely in the movie! He actually disappears for around 50 minutes, popping back up for the third act, completely fine after being mortally wounded! For a good chunk of the third act, the motherfucker was chewing gum! Even while driving into the campus, armed and about to battle the terrorists! Despite giving a Ben Shapiro-like speech about how Islam will conquer the West, it felt like the man couldn't get into the dialogue. He didn't seem into the material overall. His performance is so lackluster. He would've been better off doing Tyler Perry movies. At one point, the student reporter said, "Belief can't be forced. It has to be earned." Ben Shapiro and the Daily Wire forced their wretched beliefs onto the viewer. Shit, after watching this movie, I have earned my belief that it's an abomination.

0/10