Hate

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Alright, want some hate?
Sure, but I need help from multible people to finish my speech.

I've come to make an announcement. SG854 is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife.
THATS RIGHT. HE TOOK OUT HIS COMPUTERIZED MOTHERBOARD DICK OUT, AND HE PISSED ON MY FUCKING WIFE, AND HE SAID HIS DICK WAS, T H I S B I G .
 
THATS RIGHT. HE TOOK OUT HIS COMPUTERIZED MOTHERBOARD DICK OUT, AND HE PISSED ON MY FUCKING WIFE, AND HE SAID HIS DICK WAS, T H I S B I G .
AND I SAID THAT'S DISGUSTING. SO I'M MAKING A CALLOUT POST ON MY GBATEMP.NET, SG854, YOU'VE GOT A SMALL DICK. IT'S THE SIZE OF THIS WALLNUT...
iu

BUT WAY SMALLER, AND GUESS WHAT, HERE'S WHAT MY D O N G LOOKS LIKE.

[mic explosion noises]
 
Last edited by MaxiBash,
AND I SAID THAT'S DISGUSTING. SO I'M MAKING A CALLOUT POST ON MY GBATEMP.NET, SG854, YOU'VE GOT A SMALL DICK. IT'S THE SIZE OF THIS WALLNUT...
iu

BUT WAY SMALLER, AND GUESS WHAT, HERE'S WHAT MY D O N G LOOKS LIKE.

[mic explosion noises]
THATS RIGHT BABY. ALL POINT, NO QUILLS, NO PILLOWS, LOOK AT THAT IT LOOKS LIKE TWO BALLS AND A BONG.
 
Pokemon Sword/Shield, the base games, barely having 40% of the content found in previous games, then having the gall to ask $30 for each of its two DLCs whilst still leaving ~270 Pokemon completely missing. Oh, and then asking for $16 annually for an online service meant to hold a couple megabytes of data (each Pokemon file is ~1 KB in size. 6000 files = 6000 KB = 6 MB) and bring back the GTS and Wonder Trade, both of which were bastardised in the Switch games themselves - not to mention $5 annually for the Bank subscription.

I HATE this new model for Pokemon. If this is how future games will be treated - and people will just eat it up anyway, regardless of how utterly borked and rotten it is solely because of the IP's brand recognition - then it NEEDS to die. A sudden death after a massive injury's better than a drawn-out death.

Oh, and don't get me started on Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. You want to know what I WASN'T asking for in my Legend of Zelda game? Limited stamina, weapon fragility, shield fragility, utter boredom caused by copy-and-pasted rooms and Seeds, an open-world, and a thoroughly shit story.
There's something Twilight Princess, The Wind Waker, Link's Awakening, A Link Between Worlds, and Majora's Mask have in common - those games each have a closed world that is memorable and enjoyable to explore, aren't artificially drawn out with boring samey puzzle rooms, have interesting narratives that don't have to try to fight the ability to face the final boss whenever, aren't survival games with a Legend of Zelda splash of paint, don't have limited stamina, and don't have fragility systems.
I absolutely loathe stamina and fragility, since they don't add ANYTHING to the gameplay, except for frustration. Assassin's Creed Origins/Odyssey had numerous weapons I could experiment with, and none of them broke. Skyrim also has unbreakable weapons. Those were fun.
Yet even when I mod out stamina and fragility, the sheer inanity and lack of direction compared to older, superior games quickly made me lose interest in Halitosis of the Wild. I despise this piece of shit, and want Nintendo to work on a 'normal' Legend of Zelda game instead of BotW2 - the last brand-new game was 2013's A Link Between Worlds.

The Wii's motion controls just flat-out do NOT work. I always get incorrect readings, leading to difficulties navigating menus and issues playing games. Nintendo should've made the Classic Controller a universal second option.

Super Mario Galaxy is another game I hate due to its fucked-up design. First off, 3 HP when 64 (and 64 DS, still the absolute best 3D Mario game) and Sunshine had 8? That's bullshit. Linear galaxy design, not allowing the player to collect Star 3 when you've selected Star 1? That's anti-progress, the opposite of innovation. Time-limited purple coin missions? Bugger that. Six motion-controlled missions that are the ABSOLUTE WORST parts of the game, preventing me from 100% it? Fuck off.
A completely useless female character that doesn't do anything but stand on her Observatory instead of assisting Mario in some way? Who then has the nerve, the audacity, to make appearances in future games when plenty of better characters have been long forgotten? That just makes me rage.
The game doesn't even look all that good, unlike 64 DS, despite being a Wii game instead of a DS game.
 
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HE FUCKED MY WIFE, SO GUESS WHAT, I'M GONNA FUCK THE EARTH.
THAT'S RIGHT, THIS IS WHAT YOU GET:
MY SUPER LAZER PISS!
Your signature...the spelling is "unavailAble", with an 'a'.
I hate it when people misspell words they have no business misspelling.
 
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