Board game: Need your feedback on my Kickstarter

[bluebright]

48 Hours Left!

The Kickstarter is live! I want to thank everyone in this thread who submitted ideas and suggestions. You can check it out here.

Also check out the animated trailer I made!



website - http://mothership-game.com/
FriendFace - https://www.facebook.com/mothershipboardgame/
Twotter - https://twitter.com/PsmSanderson
BeeGeeGee - https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/194964/mothership-tabletop-combat

Spoiler

Original post:

Hey Tempers, I'm excited to share this board game project I've been working on for the last 3 years.

The game is called Mothership. It mixes the concepts of miniature wargaming with a traditional board game. It balances chance with skill. It simplifies dice wargaming while keeping the strategy. Most of all, it’s fun.

I need you guys to have a quick look at my Kickstarter page and tell me what you like about it and what you think needs to change.

This is my first kickstarter so I'm kinda new to this whole shtick.

 

[CIAwesome526]

looks cool but seems like advertising. anyway... id be happy to test it for you. :3

 

[bluebright]

looks cool but seems like advertising. anyway... id be happy to test it for you. :3

You mean the KS page looks like advertising? Is it really cheesy?

 

[CIAwesome526]

You mean the KS page looks like advertising? Is it really cheesy?

no. i mean this thread

 

[Fatih120]

Looks fun. Really fun. I'll keep an eye out. I hope I hear more.

 

[Scarlet]

At a glance, I would say it needs proof reading for grammar, and I feel some parts could be worded a little better. For example, instead of "This is what makes Mothership special", you could put "What makes Mothership special?"

Small things like that make for better reading in my opinion. The game itself seems interesting, but if small things like grammar are off, potential backers might misjudge you and assume incompetence.

Anyway, good luck <3

 

[bluebright]

no. i mean this thread

Yeah a little but I'm a long way off taking anyone's money. Mostly just looking for fresh eyes to look over my work.

Looks fun. Really fun. I'll keep an eye out. I hope I hear more.

Do I have your permission to PM you when the KS is live in 2 months?

At a glance, I would say it needs proof reading for grammar, and I feel some parts could be worded a little better. For example, instead of "This is what makes Mothership special", you could put "What makes Mothership special?"

Small things like that make for better reading in my opinion. The game itself seems interesting, but if small things like grammar are off, potential backers might misjudge you and assume incompetence.

Anyway, good luck <3

I've already made that change, thanks! This is why I need fresh eyes, I certainly don't want people to think I'm incompetent. Thanks for for the feed back!

 

[CIAwesome526]

I'd back this. How much would a backer need to pay for a copy?

 

[GamerzHell9137]

You mean the KS page looks like advertising? Is it really cheesy?

Normally its against the rules to advertise on gbatemp but if you ask the mods nicely i think they won't close the thread.
Btw neat looking games, sucks that most of my friends are all over the place nowadays. Something new would be neat to play irl.

EDIT: Btw, in the reviews it says "frends" and not "friends"
Not sure if intentional or a real error.

 

[Wellington2k]

"There is no chance Mothership will not be made."
That really needs to be revised. How about this?
"it's almost guaranteed that Mothership will be made."

 

[Issac]

I don't see this as an advertisement thread actually. He's asking for help with some feedback on the page.

On the kick starter page:
The picture of what's in the box: I'd add some plural S here and there. 4x Control PanelS & 4x Tech TreeS (since you have 28x miniature ships, 90x action cards, et.c.).
Below that you list the dice, and you have too much information. 1x 1d4, 1x 1d6 et.c. Either 1d4, 1d6 et.c. or 1x d4, 1x d6, et.c. Otherwise it says you get one one four sided dice, one one six sided dice,...
In the photos section: You write "A photo from blind playtesters...", it sounds like they are blind. I'd rephrase it to "A photo from playtesters going in blind and enjoying the..."

I also think that you should list some possible stretch goals, or at least have a graphic for it even if it's all ???'s at the moment.

That's a start at least, after a quick glance! It looks fun as hell! I do have a suggestion for a stretch goal: single player mechanics

 

[Fatih120]

Do I have your permission to PM you when the KS is live in 2 months?

Aye aye~

 

[bluebright]

I'd back this. How much would a backer need to pay for a copy?

$45 USD at the moment, at retail (if I get to retail) will go for $65 aprox. This might be a good time to ask, is this a reasonable price to you? I've set this based on other board game kickstarters this size.

Normally its against the rules to advertise on gbatemp but if you ask the mods nicely i think they won't close the thread.
Btw neat looking games, sucks that most of my friends are all over the place nowadays. Something new would be neat to play irl.

EDIT: Btw, in the reviews it says "frends" and not "friends"
Not sure if intentional or a real error.

I can't find where the 'frends' typo is, am I going crazy?

I don't see this as an advertisement thread actually. He's asking for help with some feedback on the page.

On the kick starter page:
The picture of what's in the box: I'd add some plural S here and there. 4x Control PanelS & 4x Tech TreeS (since you have 28x miniature ships, 90x action cards, et.c.).
Below that you list the dice, and you have too much information. 1x 1d4, 1x 1d6 et.c. Either 1d4, 1d6 et.c. or 1x d4, 1x d6, et.c. Otherwise it says you get one one four sided dice, one one six sided dice,...
In the photos section: You write "A photo from blind playtesters...", it sounds like they are blind. I'd rephrase it to "A photo from playtesters going in blind and enjoying the..."

I also think that you should list some possible stretch goals, or at least have a graphic for it even if it's all ???'s at the moment.

That's a start at least, after a quick glance! It looks fun as hell! I do have a suggestion for a stretch goal: single player mechanics

Yep, I agree with you, I've made those changes.
Oh yeah, stretch goals! I was so worried about making the initial goal I didn't think of that. Hmm okay I'll do a thing with the ???'s, I've seen that done before. I think one of the stretch goals will be a 6 player expansion.

I would LOVE to do single player somehow but I have no idea how to do it, have you played any single player board games before?

Aye aye~

Thanks!

 

[Issac]

Yep, I agree with you, I've made those changes.
Oh yeah, stretch goals! I was so worried about making the initial goal I didn't think of that. Hmm okay I'll do a thing with the ???'s, I've seen that done before. I think one of the stretch goals will be a 6 player expansion.
I would LOVE to do single player somehow but I have no idea how to do it, have you played any single player board games before?

Yeah I've played a few single player games... They are often "player vs. the game" oriented, and if there are more than one player it's co-operative. But that doesn't mean the game can't have a single player variation that is different to the regular game!
I can give you some suggestions in a PM if you'd like

 

[Tom Bombadildo]

$45 USD at the moment, at retail (if I get to retail) will go for $65 aprox. This might be a good time to ask, is this a reasonable price to you? I've set this based on other board game kickstarters this size.
I can't find where the 'frends' typo is, am I going crazy?

Spoiler

As for a "single player" type thing, it probably couldn't be done with this kind of board game since it relies so much on the actions between players, and you can't really create a single player for something like this without having another person there (at least, from what I can tell from skimming rules and the video).

 

[Clydefrosch]

aaaaand a chinese company just began producing your game!

well, it does look interesting to say the least, but with all the things included in this game, i feel like i'd rather have this on a tablet or pc or something.
specially with the game time being so long (up to three hours is increadibly long in these our fast paced times), electronic version with the ability to save seems cool.
if there was a way to reduce the insane amount of counters, for the control panel you should go for that. no idea if a very simple calculator like thing with a few + and - buttons would be a financially viable alternative?
though play time and lots of small items didnt stop monopoly either.

other things i noticed:
the slogan on the box sounds a little silly, but thats mostly personal taste.
also, as funny as they are, you should probably remove the copyrighted videoclips and images in your how to play video.

and i dont really think that stretchgoals are really... a good idea for this? i mean, at least not like they do it with videogames. how would you go about making a 6 player expansion? wouldn't it completely upset any player balance you came up with so far? and require a completely different board, or give the non corner players a huge disadvantage?
while more types of ships would be something you could do, those too could completely upset any current balance. and you dont want that.

 

[Veho]

Can you look me in the eyes... well, no, obviously, but can you look my avatar in the eyes and honestly say the Seismic Charge was not lifted verbatim from Star Wars?

The game looks interesting. I love the energy-as-resource mechanism with the mothership.

Good luck with the campaign!

 

[bluebright]

Yeah I've played a few single player games... They are often "player vs. the game" oriented, and if there are more than one player it's co-operative. But that doesn't mean the game can't have a single player variation that is different to the regular game!
I can give you some suggestions in a PM if you'd like

YES could you? I might not work as Tom mentioned but I do think it's worth looking into.

As for a "single player" type thing, it probably couldn't be done with this kind of board game since it relies so much on the actions between players, and you can't really create a single player for something like this without having another person there (at least, from what I can tell from skimming rules and the video).

I swear that typo wasn't there earlier -_-; ...thanks I'll fix it!

You're right about the single player bit, most of the fun comes out of outwitting other players, diplomacy etc. That's why I want to see other games that do it.

aaaaand a chinese company just began producing your game!

well, it does look interesting to say the least, but with all the things included in this game, i feel like i'd rather have this on a tablet or pc or something.
specially with the game time being so long (up to three hours is increadibly long in these our fast paced times), electronic version with the ability to save seems cool.
if there was a way to reduce the insane amount of counters, for the control panel you should go for that. no idea if a very simple calculator like thing with a few + and - buttons would be a financially viable alternative?
though play time and lots of small items didnt stop monopoly either.

other things i noticed:
the slogan on the box sounds a little silly, but thats mostly personal taste.
also, as funny as they are, you should probably remove the copyrighted videoclips and images in your how to play video.

and i dont really think that stretchgoals are really... a good idea for this? i mean, at least not like they do it with videogames. how would you go about making a 6 player expansion? wouldn't it completely upset any player balance you came up with so far? and require a completely different board, or give the non corner players a huge disadvantage?
while more types of ships would be something you could do, those too could completely upset any current balance. and you dont want that.

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to get the counters / tech tree stuff on a tablet or HTML5 thing for a while, my meager skills don't stretch that far. But you are 100% right it would be better on a tablet.
As for the slogan: Yes, it is meant to be silly I know people are going to love it or hate it
Copyrighted stuff = Clips, yes huge legal grey area. My research has told me that it passes for satire / parody as the rest of the game uses vague references to other IP's but changes them enough to be paraody...I'll have to wait and see about that. The printed game has been fixed more than the video (for example Tiberium from CnC is now Diberium etc).

Can you look me in the eyes... well, no, obviously, but can you look my avatar in the eyes and honestly say the Seismic Charge was not lifted verbatim from Star Wars?

The game looks interesting. I love the energy-as-resource mechanism with the mothership.

Good luck with the campaign!

Thank you! Annnnnnd you are 100% correct it is. As mentioned above, 1 reference to another IP = bad, many many vague references to IP's = good.

I never actually meant to produce this game, it was always a hobby. There are many nods to a lot of my childhood games in there, LEGO, RTS games, sci-fi etc. If I got a legal letter sent to me I have changes ready to go anyway...

 

[Deboog]

I think you should show the actual physical board in the video. It took me a while to scroll down and realize you actually built it and didn't just have pretty .pngs. That boosted your legitimacy points +1000.

 

[Youkai]

I could swear i have seen this project somewhere before ... maybe even on kickstarter already ?