best flashcart/kernel for a fat DS

This depends on your budget.
DSTWO is still the best right now. However, considering the price and power consumption, I think the DSONEi (not the DSONE/DSONE clone) is the better choice. Both of these cards are too old.
For electronics, I'd suggest buying new ones: R4'com'(I don't know what it's called abroad) or DSpico.
 
so is the DS pico the go to now in terms of backup loading? or will a plain r4 work i get my DS tomorrow so any help would be appreciated
The only use case for a DSPico would be to launch DSiWare & DSi cartridge-based titles on anything than an original DS. I would recommend a regular R4iLS/Ace3DS+ clone which will be enough if you are mainly going to be playing DS titles. These carts are so cheap, supports larger SD cards around 32GB or less, and can run Pico-Launcher.
 

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