Hello,
I thought I'd write something to explain why I disappeared from GBAtemp for 6 months.
I'm not fully back, at least I won't be as much present than before.
TL;DR: I'm back. don't expect me to answer all your technical questions, ask in the forum for help, not me. Thank you.
All started in August 2019, I went in vacation to my brother's place, and for one month I got away from the net and all the hacking and scenes and gaming news. I didn't realized yet that I would take a temporary leave but it leaded me to it.
For some times now (few years), I did almost no real moderation job, and felt like power user (edit and delete posts rights) more than working staff member (resolving conflict and reports). I did less moderation, but I still was helping lot of users, especially in hacking and wii, and lot of people came to me to get help. I spent almost all my free time on GBATemp, helping, writing guide, working on the wiki. I did almost only that, I spent no time for myself (I don't go out, don't have friends) and had time to play and complete only one game in 2018-2019 (xenoblade 2) and I didn't touch the switch for a year now. Managing a community and helping people on a daily basis for 18 years wore me out, I was exhausted and did like a "burnout"?
I noticed it on my vacation return. I did a brief week appearance to notice that I wasted energy in repeating over and over the same things to everyone, both new comers to hacking, but also to old users who where just explaining wrong things to newbie in search for help which I had to right their wrongs and correct cumulated mistakes. After repeating things so much, how could users who are following my own posts for years still provide bad advices and not understand the correct path to fix a simple issue but instead send the user into another harder path which would create its own problem on top of the initial one?
I always noticed this behavior when I left for few days or simply thread I didn't noticed in time before someone else, and then I had to fix the helpers advices and always wonder why people go to such extend to help others when they don't understand things themselves in the first place, instead of telling they don't know, or not giving help at all and letting someone else do it?
I'm NOT pointing at anyone in particular, as it happened every years after my summer holidays and in many missed threads while I was away/working which I didn't see in time before it became worse...
I tried to write a "wii hacking/fixing hub" guide to explain all these common problem's solutions that everyone could link to instead of providing false and opposite direction, but 1) I never had time to complete it, I always misjudge the time it takes to write complete guides, and 2) nobody referred to it and continued to provide their own solutions. Not counting people being angry because of seeing the same question over and over, and insulting each others instead of.... letting go or redirecting to the answer! It's still like that, right? lot of people are angry when they see a newbie asking the same question already asked for the hundred times and insult instead of posting a link to the answer....
So, yes, I felt down and felt like all the efforts I did for years were for nothing. See, even the wiki which I thought would help people is abandoned and I was the only maintainer. nobody took it back while I was away to keep it updated. I probably spent time for nothing on the switch section if nobody ever care to use it.
Additionally, I was the last maintainer on USBLoaderGX, and use an old system (svn?) while everyone now use git. But I don't understand how it's working (yeah, I tried).
new users seems to want to help and continue development, but as we are not working on the same system (svn/git) it became hard to follow for me. I'm not sure how to act, and felt also outdated and helpless, also stressed a little by the expectation of other people waiting for the new version and bugfixes, which I couldn't deliver.
Adding to the pressure of being the only one everyone came to (I had/have looooooot of new comers contacting me privately for help instead of just asking in public for anyone to help, or just..... Searching the answer for the same identical problem they had which got answered hundred of times already), apparently newcomers are good enough to read the forum and all its messages to notice I was the "best to come to" but not enough to find all my answers already present publicly?
No help on wiki, so few good help on the forum (some users are good and know their stuff too, not everyone's are giving bad advices). I felt discouraged and being in vacation (at my brother's, remember?) away from all that stress,
I felt the vacations were beneficial. Liberating in a way.
People always told me they were amazed by my patience, helping everyone. I guess it ended. Something broke in me. People broke me D:
I probably took things too seriously and personal.
I chose to take some time for myself, and did few things since then:
1 video games and TV series (still does)
2 feeling lonely, I tried dating websites (more on that later?)
3 In September I got the notice that my request to move (change living place) has been accepted, after 10 years of renewing my request. Yeah it took that long to get my own place to live. it's a brand new place, would be available in November 2019, 75 apartment. I'll be on 7th floor, 45m².
4 of course working too. Matter of fact, if people didn't remember, my work/job ALSO involves helping people and repeating myself over all day long.... Maybe I just reached saturation.
October went fast. I don't remember what I did. probably just working, tv series binging and playing (Path of exile a lot/dreams for a year but I'm not good at creating/death stranding 50h so far chapter 3). who would want to play with me?
November I started to plan to move to my new place, which took most of my free time because the place I was until now was temporary and the owner decided to haste things and make me leave before I got the new place, which mean I did twice the move, going back to my parents temporarily for 15 days, and move again u_u. I didn't have a lot of things at that temporary place, it was all the owners, so it wasn't too hard to go back to my parents, but it also means I had nothing except personal stuff, computers, consoles, books, etc, and had to go shopping for all the furniture for the new place.
It took about two weeks to build (ikea) and install everything, from kitchen to bedroom, living room, etc. I really moved in starting mid December. I finally wasn't in haste anymore, I had all the time to move while living at my parents. I completed all the necessary installation process end of January, when I finally got internet back (optical fiber for the first time since Jan 25th yeah \o/).
The new place is a brand new flat, buuuut, it already had issues : the lift only worked 1 week and then didn't work for 1.5 months ! lot of people couldn't move their stuff, or did it from the stairs. I had to wait to buy the last equipment, as I live on the 7th floor.
4 times in a month, we got no more hot water on weekend and some weekdays, having to wash by heating the water on the meal heater and then wash in a basin.
I got one power issue, no idea what caused it, but when I came back from work, the main electric board was shutdown. probably a surge? my fridge? oven? no idea. hopefully the computer could shutdown correctly thanks to power AC.
Since September, I didn't even visit gbatemp once, not even offline or logged out. I didn't follow hacking nor game releasing news. I was completely away from "my second home" (GBAtemp). I only ever visited back in mid February, a week ago, to discover it has a new design!
I don't think I'll be fully back like I used to, I will probably just come and visit to get gaming news, but please don't expect me to help or provide assistance.
two reason : first, I would like to take some distance to being active and always caring and helping and repeating and stressed, but also because being away for 6 months I'll have to catch up with the scene before being able to properly help. I don't want to provide butchered help, like I just denounced/blame others from doing above.
I'll also probably NOT answer all the Private Message I received since this summer, most (if not all?) would be outdated request for help on specific subject that you probably already got an answers for. PLEASE, use the forum for help, I'm not a private help desk.
(PS: oh, I just logged in, and I didn't get as much notification as I thought: only 135 and 20 PM)
I wanted to come back for few days now that I'm finally installed to my new apartment, but not without an explanation. I just pushed back the writing of that blog post, not knowing where to start and feeling I had a lot to write.
I didn't tell all I wanted yet, but that covered the main reason I was absent.
What I didn't tell yet is that I felt down, depressed a little? I wanted a change of habits, away from the net, and tried to look into meeting someone in real life to change from internet contacts only.
But as I have no friend and never go out alone (bar, dance, etc) I thought I'd try dating apps to see if I could meet people thinking like me, some women who maybe was also too shy to go out and would use internet to find friends.
I started using dating app a year ago, specialized in "meeting local people who I supposedly met". that app is full of fake, or ugly, or trans, or not what i' looking for. it ended more like a daily habit to "check who I met today" more than "who I could contact and speak with". After 1 year of usage of that app, I spoke to .... 0 person !
Around june, I also registered to a second apps, and seeing no one was living in my region (why?) I extended my research to other countries. Most users I find attractive are living in other countries, mostly england (why?), east european (poland, letonia, etc.), and USA/canada. which is obviously too far for what it was intended for : finding new real friends around my town!
In June I found someone in France who I felt we could match, but she lives 1000km away. I contacted her anyway without expecting much, as I'm used to not get answers, and she replied!
we talked a little, like a week, but then she didn't connect anymore for month and I had no way to contact her. I felt we shared a lot, she's a geek too, video game player, she's shy like me, we share the same personality and it's a shame we live so far away from each other.
As she was away, I spent my time completing my profile, and always looking at who I could meet, hoping for her return because really, nobody else were interesting. nobody gave me the feeling that we could match, talk, or share some discussion past the first "how are you, what are you looking for, good luck with your search".
Both apps were/are full of profile I don't find attractive (really, in fact, dating apps are just full of undatable people, like me. Datable one are already in couple and don't need dating apps to meet their other person), but I still spent my time on both apps, like an addiction... everyday I spent 1 hour looking at who I met around my position, who registered, reading profiles and hundred of people's answers from all over the world, because yeah I ended up just stalking profiles more than expecting to find someone real. in a year, nobody ever liked me (except 10 scam?), or replied to my messages (which I stopped sending, why bother?). Women's profiles are even disappearing when I like them! they get a notification, look at my face and "swipe left" to never see me again. so I ended not liking any more profile so I could at least watch the remaining ones, but nobody like me. it's just a "watch other's profile" game. This is the problem with the "Swipe culture", people have to choose right away whether they like, or dislike. there's no "pass and come back later". if you want to see the next profile, but not want to like right away you are forced to dislike. there is no more dating app where you have time of reflection, time to read profiles and get to know someone else before taking a decision and maybe daring contacting that person.
In December, that girl I met (online only, 1000km away) came back to the site and I was happy, we started to talk again, I managed to get other way to contact her and she joined an irc channel to be easier, but at Xmas she never connected again without a word
I really feel like I'm bothering people, or they don't really care about me, and I'm the only one interested in making friends or keeping a relationship alive....
Either I'm not interested enough, or ugly, or I frighten away people around me ;_;
that's a shame because we really were (are?) alike, and I really hope to know her more, why would the only person I get a connection with is living so far?
I'm also very shy (as her?) and making it harder to travel that far to meet a stranger. we have our lives, I just moved to my new place and I have my job and family here, I don't intent to move, and she doesn't either. maybe that's why she doesn't try to connect more with me, or I'm making my own ideas.
I now fear to recontact her (by mail) as she didn't answer my previous one. I wish we could meet, even if we live very far from each other. We probably will never be more than friends as (for now at least, and that's normal) we are too far away and having our own lives, but I hoped to at least be friend with her, at least keeping contact on internet because having a new "strand" (psychological bond) with someone feels refreshing. expecting to know someone new, for real, and not online only was the purpose last year, now I'm still stuck in that "no real friend" loop again.
but I feel it would be too bad to not try to know better, as I (finally) met someone who would understand me, as I understand her, as we share the same passion and with whom it feels so natural to talk to. no forced questions or hesitating answers. We shared a little and we feel alike, it would really be a shame to lose her. I don't want her to block me or never hear of her again, so I fear to frighten her if I make a move. I'm now in a strange position where I hope to see someone I'll probably never meet, have this strange hope that "maybe" it'll be possible to meet her one day and therefore shouldn't accept or be interested in meeting any other possible person, and not opening to someone else as I would lose that opportunity...
Edit: I did send an email ! she came back to IRC to talk a little. at least she didn't block me.
Soo, yeah, the result of my 6 months alone is :
I feel better. I'll be back slowly, but I still won't have lot of time. But like I said many times, GBAtemp is my home. the only place where people accept me for who I am and what I like. It was a little hard to come back, please just don't expect too much from me right away
I'm taking more time for me, binge watching tv series (sometime even resyncing subtitles and sharing them to the community), playing games, watching streamings (Dreams! talking with the devs at MediaMolecule, etc.), trying to stream my own twitch channel (Optical fiber now!) so maybe I'll stream for GBAtemp one day too? now I can do it, but I'm shy to talk as english is not my mother tongue, my accent will probably be reaaalllly bad ahaha please don't mock too much.
My new place is now farer (farther?) from my work place, soooo I have even less free time. After work I come home, clean up, cook the meal for the evening and lunch next day, do some laundry and house work, and that's all, it's time to go to bed and start again.
Ahhh, in my new place, I met new neighbor (from the 75 apartments, at least I met some already) and the neighbor next door seems friendly and I proposed my help when they moved in, so they already invited me once as thanks. maybe I will finally have some real contact? it still feels forced for me as I'm not used to go to others, and I'm not doing the first move, asking to meet or invite for a drink, etc.
maybe it'll be fine, we will live there for years, it's just the first month. we will have time to know all our neighbor and meet some time I guess.
weell, okay, I guess that blog post is long enough and I covered most I had to say.
Thanks for taking the time to read all that.
See you around
Cyan
I thought I'd write something to explain why I disappeared from GBAtemp for 6 months.
I'm not fully back, at least I won't be as much present than before.
TL;DR: I'm back. don't expect me to answer all your technical questions, ask in the forum for help, not me. Thank you.
All started in August 2019, I went in vacation to my brother's place, and for one month I got away from the net and all the hacking and scenes and gaming news. I didn't realized yet that I would take a temporary leave but it leaded me to it.
For some times now (few years), I did almost no real moderation job, and felt like power user (edit and delete posts rights) more than working staff member (resolving conflict and reports). I did less moderation, but I still was helping lot of users, especially in hacking and wii, and lot of people came to me to get help. I spent almost all my free time on GBATemp, helping, writing guide, working on the wiki. I did almost only that, I spent no time for myself (I don't go out, don't have friends) and had time to play and complete only one game in 2018-2019 (xenoblade 2) and I didn't touch the switch for a year now. Managing a community and helping people on a daily basis for 18 years wore me out, I was exhausted and did like a "burnout"?
I noticed it on my vacation return. I did a brief week appearance to notice that I wasted energy in repeating over and over the same things to everyone, both new comers to hacking, but also to old users who where just explaining wrong things to newbie in search for help which I had to right their wrongs and correct cumulated mistakes. After repeating things so much, how could users who are following my own posts for years still provide bad advices and not understand the correct path to fix a simple issue but instead send the user into another harder path which would create its own problem on top of the initial one?
I always noticed this behavior when I left for few days or simply thread I didn't noticed in time before someone else, and then I had to fix the helpers advices and always wonder why people go to such extend to help others when they don't understand things themselves in the first place, instead of telling they don't know, or not giving help at all and letting someone else do it?
I'm NOT pointing at anyone in particular, as it happened every years after my summer holidays and in many missed threads while I was away/working which I didn't see in time before it became worse...
I tried to write a "wii hacking/fixing hub" guide to explain all these common problem's solutions that everyone could link to instead of providing false and opposite direction, but 1) I never had time to complete it, I always misjudge the time it takes to write complete guides, and 2) nobody referred to it and continued to provide their own solutions. Not counting people being angry because of seeing the same question over and over, and insulting each others instead of.... letting go or redirecting to the answer! It's still like that, right? lot of people are angry when they see a newbie asking the same question already asked for the hundred times and insult instead of posting a link to the answer....
So, yes, I felt down and felt like all the efforts I did for years were for nothing. See, even the wiki which I thought would help people is abandoned and I was the only maintainer. nobody took it back while I was away to keep it updated. I probably spent time for nothing on the switch section if nobody ever care to use it.
Additionally, I was the last maintainer on USBLoaderGX, and use an old system (svn?) while everyone now use git. But I don't understand how it's working (yeah, I tried).
new users seems to want to help and continue development, but as we are not working on the same system (svn/git) it became hard to follow for me. I'm not sure how to act, and felt also outdated and helpless, also stressed a little by the expectation of other people waiting for the new version and bugfixes, which I couldn't deliver.
Adding to the pressure of being the only one everyone came to (I had/have looooooot of new comers contacting me privately for help instead of just asking in public for anyone to help, or just..... Searching the answer for the same identical problem they had which got answered hundred of times already), apparently newcomers are good enough to read the forum and all its messages to notice I was the "best to come to" but not enough to find all my answers already present publicly?
No help on wiki, so few good help on the forum (some users are good and know their stuff too, not everyone's are giving bad advices). I felt discouraged and being in vacation (at my brother's, remember?) away from all that stress,
I felt the vacations were beneficial. Liberating in a way.
People always told me they were amazed by my patience, helping everyone. I guess it ended. Something broke in me. People broke me D:
I probably took things too seriously and personal.
I chose to take some time for myself, and did few things since then:
1 video games and TV series (still does)
2 feeling lonely, I tried dating websites (more on that later?)
3 In September I got the notice that my request to move (change living place) has been accepted, after 10 years of renewing my request. Yeah it took that long to get my own place to live. it's a brand new place, would be available in November 2019, 75 apartment. I'll be on 7th floor, 45m².
4 of course working too. Matter of fact, if people didn't remember, my work/job ALSO involves helping people and repeating myself over all day long.... Maybe I just reached saturation.
October went fast. I don't remember what I did. probably just working, tv series binging and playing (Path of exile a lot/dreams for a year but I'm not good at creating/death stranding 50h so far chapter 3). who would want to play with me?
November I started to plan to move to my new place, which took most of my free time because the place I was until now was temporary and the owner decided to haste things and make me leave before I got the new place, which mean I did twice the move, going back to my parents temporarily for 15 days, and move again u_u. I didn't have a lot of things at that temporary place, it was all the owners, so it wasn't too hard to go back to my parents, but it also means I had nothing except personal stuff, computers, consoles, books, etc, and had to go shopping for all the furniture for the new place.
It took about two weeks to build (ikea) and install everything, from kitchen to bedroom, living room, etc. I really moved in starting mid December. I finally wasn't in haste anymore, I had all the time to move while living at my parents. I completed all the necessary installation process end of January, when I finally got internet back (optical fiber for the first time since Jan 25th yeah \o/).
The new place is a brand new flat, buuuut, it already had issues : the lift only worked 1 week and then didn't work for 1.5 months ! lot of people couldn't move their stuff, or did it from the stairs. I had to wait to buy the last equipment, as I live on the 7th floor.
4 times in a month, we got no more hot water on weekend and some weekdays, having to wash by heating the water on the meal heater and then wash in a basin.
I got one power issue, no idea what caused it, but when I came back from work, the main electric board was shutdown. probably a surge? my fridge? oven? no idea. hopefully the computer could shutdown correctly thanks to power AC.
Since September, I didn't even visit gbatemp once, not even offline or logged out. I didn't follow hacking nor game releasing news. I was completely away from "my second home" (GBAtemp). I only ever visited back in mid February, a week ago, to discover it has a new design!
I don't think I'll be fully back like I used to, I will probably just come and visit to get gaming news, but please don't expect me to help or provide assistance.
two reason : first, I would like to take some distance to being active and always caring and helping and repeating and stressed, but also because being away for 6 months I'll have to catch up with the scene before being able to properly help. I don't want to provide butchered help, like I just denounced/blame others from doing above.
I'll also probably NOT answer all the Private Message I received since this summer, most (if not all?) would be outdated request for help on specific subject that you probably already got an answers for. PLEASE, use the forum for help, I'm not a private help desk.
(PS: oh, I just logged in, and I didn't get as much notification as I thought: only 135 and 20 PM)
I wanted to come back for few days now that I'm finally installed to my new apartment, but not without an explanation. I just pushed back the writing of that blog post, not knowing where to start and feeling I had a lot to write.
I didn't tell all I wanted yet, but that covered the main reason I was absent.
What I didn't tell yet is that I felt down, depressed a little? I wanted a change of habits, away from the net, and tried to look into meeting someone in real life to change from internet contacts only.
But as I have no friend and never go out alone (bar, dance, etc) I thought I'd try dating apps to see if I could meet people thinking like me, some women who maybe was also too shy to go out and would use internet to find friends.
I started using dating app a year ago, specialized in "meeting local people who I supposedly met". that app is full of fake, or ugly, or trans, or not what i' looking for. it ended more like a daily habit to "check who I met today" more than "who I could contact and speak with". After 1 year of usage of that app, I spoke to .... 0 person !
Around june, I also registered to a second apps, and seeing no one was living in my region (why?) I extended my research to other countries. Most users I find attractive are living in other countries, mostly england (why?), east european (poland, letonia, etc.), and USA/canada. which is obviously too far for what it was intended for : finding new real friends around my town!
In June I found someone in France who I felt we could match, but she lives 1000km away. I contacted her anyway without expecting much, as I'm used to not get answers, and she replied!
we talked a little, like a week, but then she didn't connect anymore for month and I had no way to contact her. I felt we shared a lot, she's a geek too, video game player, she's shy like me, we share the same personality and it's a shame we live so far away from each other.
As she was away, I spent my time completing my profile, and always looking at who I could meet, hoping for her return because really, nobody else were interesting. nobody gave me the feeling that we could match, talk, or share some discussion past the first "how are you, what are you looking for, good luck with your search".
Both apps were/are full of profile I don't find attractive (really, in fact, dating apps are just full of undatable people, like me. Datable one are already in couple and don't need dating apps to meet their other person), but I still spent my time on both apps, like an addiction... everyday I spent 1 hour looking at who I met around my position, who registered, reading profiles and hundred of people's answers from all over the world, because yeah I ended up just stalking profiles more than expecting to find someone real. in a year, nobody ever liked me (except 10 scam?), or replied to my messages (which I stopped sending, why bother?). Women's profiles are even disappearing when I like them! they get a notification, look at my face and "swipe left" to never see me again. so I ended not liking any more profile so I could at least watch the remaining ones, but nobody like me. it's just a "watch other's profile" game. This is the problem with the "Swipe culture", people have to choose right away whether they like, or dislike. there's no "pass and come back later". if you want to see the next profile, but not want to like right away you are forced to dislike. there is no more dating app where you have time of reflection, time to read profiles and get to know someone else before taking a decision and maybe daring contacting that person.
In December, that girl I met (online only, 1000km away) came back to the site and I was happy, we started to talk again, I managed to get other way to contact her and she joined an irc channel to be easier, but at Xmas she never connected again without a word
I really feel like I'm bothering people, or they don't really care about me, and I'm the only one interested in making friends or keeping a relationship alive.... Either I'm not interested enough, or ugly, or I frighten away people around me ;_;
that's a shame because we really were (are?) alike, and I really hope to know her more, why would the only person I get a connection with is living so far?
I'm also very shy (as her?) and making it harder to travel that far to meet a stranger. we have our lives, I just moved to my new place and I have my job and family here, I don't intent to move, and she doesn't either. maybe that's why she doesn't try to connect more with me, or I'm making my own ideas.
I now fear to recontact her (by mail) as she didn't answer my previous one. I wish we could meet, even if we live very far from each other. We probably will never be more than friends as (for now at least, and that's normal) we are too far away and having our own lives, but I hoped to at least be friend with her, at least keeping contact on internet because having a new "strand" (psychological bond) with someone feels refreshing. expecting to know someone new, for real, and not online only was the purpose last year, now I'm still stuck in that "no real friend" loop again.
but I feel it would be too bad to not try to know better, as I (finally) met someone who would understand me, as I understand her, as we share the same passion and with whom it feels so natural to talk to. no forced questions or hesitating answers. We shared a little and we feel alike, it would really be a shame to lose her. I don't want her to block me or never hear of her again, so I fear to frighten her if I make a move. I'm now in a strange position where I hope to see someone I'll probably never meet, have this strange hope that "maybe" it'll be possible to meet her one day and therefore shouldn't accept or be interested in meeting any other possible person, and not opening to someone else as I would lose that opportunity...
Edit: I did send an email ! she came back to IRC to talk a little. at least she didn't block me.
Soo, yeah, the result of my 6 months alone is :
I feel better. I'll be back slowly, but I still won't have lot of time. But like I said many times, GBAtemp is my home. the only place where people accept me for who I am and what I like. It was a little hard to come back, please just don't expect too much from me right away
I'm taking more time for me, binge watching tv series (sometime even resyncing subtitles and sharing them to the community), playing games, watching streamings (Dreams! talking with the devs at MediaMolecule, etc.), trying to stream my own twitch channel (Optical fiber now!) so maybe I'll stream for GBAtemp one day too? now I can do it, but I'm shy to talk as english is not my mother tongue, my accent will probably be reaaalllly bad ahaha please don't mock too much.
My new place is now farer (farther?) from my work place, soooo I have even less free time. After work I come home, clean up, cook the meal for the evening and lunch next day, do some laundry and house work, and that's all, it's time to go to bed and start again.
Ahhh, in my new place, I met new neighbor (from the 75 apartments, at least I met some already) and the neighbor next door seems friendly and I proposed my help when they moved in, so they already invited me once as thanks. maybe I will finally have some real contact? it still feels forced for me as I'm not used to go to others, and I'm not doing the first move, asking to meet or invite for a drink, etc.
maybe it'll be fine, we will live there for years, it's just the first month. we will have time to know all our neighbor and meet some time I guess.
weell, okay, I guess that blog post is long enough and I covered most I had to say.
Thanks for taking the time to read all that.
See you around
Cyan
