Enter instead of Delete

i'm applying for a writing job and they specifically said no form letters. they want the cover letter to show off creativity and writing style while explaining why you would be perfect for the job. they even said to "have fun with it".

so this is my first draft. written old school using pen and paper, near impossible to decipher and full of spelling errors!

Enter instead of Delete
By Another World

The temporal molecular recomposition painfully fused sinew with synapses, before coherent logic returned I was sprinting towards myself.

My index finger rested on the delete key, moments from changing my fate a mirror image of myself, older in appearance, unlocked and rushed the door.

“Lift your hand and consider the opportunity before you,” he spoke as if he knew me, “you are a great writer, dedicated to researching the finest details, with experience conveying your thoughts throughout technical reviews. Your educational pursuits and computer training have prepared you for such a job. Consider the consequences of your actions before you…”

Bright shadow radiation lashed wispily while a thousand shimmering tornados manipulated the atmospheric static as a like mind faded only to be replaced by one complete thought, one shifted key press, enter instead of delete.

===================================================================

version 2, same writing different punctuation:

The temporal molecular recomposition painfully fused sinew with synapses. Before coherent logic returned, I was sprinting towards myself.

My index finger rested on the delete key. Moments from changing my fate, a mirror image of myself, older in appearance, unlocked and rushed the door.

“Lift your hand and consider the opportunity before you,” he spoke as if he knew me. “You are a great writer, dedicated to researching the finest details, with experience conveying your thoughts throughout technical reviews. Your educational pursuits and computer training have prepared you for such a job. Consider the consequences of your actions before you…”

Bright shadow radiation lashed wispily while a thousand shimmering tornados manipulated the atmospheric static as a like mind faded only to be replaced by one complete thought, one shifted key press, enter instead of delete.

Comments

M
[quote name='Another World' post='3654405' date='May 20 2011, 12:49 AM']The temporal molecular recomposition painfully fused sinew with synapses, before coherent logic returned I was sprinting towards myself.[/quote]


The first sentence really doesn't make sense, or sound remotely interesting.

Look at it by itself, at you should see what I mean.
 
Another World
[quote name='m3rox' post='3654413' date='May 19 2011, 05:52 PM'][quote name='Another World' post='3654405' date='May 20 2011, 12:49 AM']The temporal molecular recomposition painfully fused sinew with synapses, before coherent logic returned I was sprinting towards myself.[/quote]


The first sentence really doesn't make sense, or sound remotely interesting.

Look at it by itself, at you should see what I mean.
[/quote]

doesn't make sense to you in what way? as in if it was the first line you don't get the point or that you just don't understand what was written?

The temporal molecular recomposition painfully fused sinew with synapses
Click to expand...
basically, as the body which just time traveled is put back together painfully
before coherent logic returned I was sprinting towards myself
Click to expand...
before the mental faculties have fully caught up to the trauma the body has just been through, the person in the story has used instinct to get on their feet and start off on their mission, in this case running towards the instance of the same person in a different time.

the intro and outro are more tightly written because they are acting to confine the inner writing with boarders that can't be transcended, in this case i refer to time travel. the inner conversation is much more easy to read, free flowing, etc.

this was a choice i made while writing this piece. also i had to compress an entire chapter of time travel into 1 sentence so that a reason for the story was established within the confines of the parameters of a "cover letter". i'm also attempting to show off my style and creativity by setting the story and writing the way i write. these are the things the job posters said to do while "having fun with it'.

but with that said let me know what you are thinking. i posted it here for some criticism before i work on a second draft.

-another world
 
Vulpes Abnocto
I absolutely love the way you write, and this is yet another glowing example of that skill.

:grog: Best of luck! You've got my vote.
 
M
[quote name='Another World' post='3654420' date='May 20 2011, 12:56 AM'][quote name='m3rox' post='3654413' date='May 19 2011, 05:52 PM'][quote name='Another World' post='3654405' date='May 20 2011, 12:49 AM']The temporal molecular recomposition painfully fused sinew with synapses, before coherent logic returned I was sprinting towards myself.[/quote]


The first sentence really doesn't make sense, or sound remotely interesting.

Look at it by itself, at you should see what I mean.
[/quote]

doesn't make sense to you in what way? as in if it was the first line you don't get the point or that you just don't understand what was written?


[/quote]

Doesn't make sense as in it makes no sense no matter how you look at it (especially for an opening sentence). Stick to writing for gbatemp and you'll be fine, in the real world you're going to be eaten alive.
 
machomuu
[quote name='m3rox' post='3654520' date='May 19 2011, 10:24 PM'][quote name='Another World' post='3654420' date='May 20 2011, 12:56 AM'][quote name='m3rox' post='3654413' date='May 19 2011, 05:52 PM'][quote name='Another World' post='3654405' date='May 20 2011, 12:49 AM']The temporal molecular recomposition painfully fused sinew with synapses, before coherent logic returned I was sprinting towards myself.[/quote]


The first sentence really doesn't make sense, or sound remotely interesting.

Look at it by itself, at you should see what I mean.
[/quote]

doesn't make sense to you in what way? as in if it was the first line you don't get the point or that you just don't understand what was written?


[/quote]

Doesn't make sense as in it makes no sense no matter how you look at it (especially for an opening sentence). Stick to writing for gbatemp and you'll be fine, in the real world you're going to be eaten alive.
[/quote]
I don't think it's that it doesn't make sense, I think it's that you don't understand it. I mean, he asked you how it doesn't make sense and you haven't really answered his question yet.
 
Another World
[quote name='m3rox' post='3654520' date='May 19 2011, 07:24 PM']Doesn't make sense as in it makes no sense no matter how you look at it (especially for an opening sentence). Stick to writing for gbatemp and you'll be fine, in the real world you're going to be eaten alive.[/quote]

LOL

-another world
 
iluvfupaburgers
pretty good. you actually got my attention with those few words. you create a good atmosphere even though you are limited to the letter. BRAVO! wish good luck with the job offer, i think you can get it. pretty creative
 
Recorderdude
The first line makes no sense whatsoever to me. It seems to be a compilation of some of the fanciest and least-commonly used words in the english language.

In other words, IT'S ART!

The rest of it is well written and understandable. Great work overall, AW. Hopefully you can get the job.
 
KingVamp
[quote name='m3rox' post='3654520' date='May 19 2011, 09:24 PM']Doesn't make sense as in it makes no sense no matter how you look at it (especially for an opening sentence). Stick to writing for gbatemp and you'll be fine, in the real world you're going to be eaten alive.[/quote]
I can't tell if serious.

Not understanding doesn't necessarily mean not a good writer.

Right now I'm not focus enough to read it. :P
 
Another World
does it make more sense if i punctuate it like this?

The temporal molecular recomposition painfully fused sinew with synapses. Before coherent logic returned, I was sprinting towards myself.

i edited the 1st post and put up a verison thats punctuated differently. does that version make more sense?

i was trained classically and formally. eventually i mixed my writing style with poetry and came up with something that flows differently. the problem i run into most is that people can't comprehend what i write because they are not use to reading things the way i structure them. my own editor has told me that, but fuck what does she know! lol

this will be for a job so for this 1 piece i can't write it for myself, and for that reason i am trying to have a sympathetic ear.

-another world
 
Recorderdude
Even though the words themselves are still confusing to a young-minded whippersnapper like myself, structuring it in that second way indeed makes it flow better, and seem less like you're trying to cram all that symbolism in one sentence.
 
machomuu
Though I will say this about the line m3rox was talking about; I think you should either move it or change it up a bit because such complex symbolism that lasts for so long at the beginning of the piece really dazes the reader. If you are to add symbolism at the very beginning, I think be shorter or simpler, so as to ease the reader into your mind and the piece.
 

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