Money corrupts ...

Well it seems I was completely right in mistrusting in my uncle.

Of course I am still happy and thankful that he is helping my dad but damn am I angry sad and whatever there is ...


Told him that I will ask my dad about the bicycle and he rushed to my dad while I was talking to him and while I was still on the phone he said in a very rude way that he won't do anything anymore if my dad won't give him the bicycle oO I was so shocked as I always thought he was a good person.

god was I wrong

my dad heard all of this but as he is an alcoholic I am not sure he really understood what was going on so I repeated "so you only want to help him if he pays you or gives you presents?" then he answered again "If I won't get the bicycle I won't help anymore and you can go to your dad yourself and brim him his cigarettes and throw away the garbage every week" soooo bad man.

I even tried to be "nice" and told him that I don't mind him getting the bike but that I was really sad about the way he demands it instead of talking to me first if he really needs it

I mean, I have my own family problems, but I hope the best for yours.

Not really sure what advice I can give here. From what you said there would appear to be some measure of advantage being taken it does not seem to have crossed a line enough for police or social services to want to be involved so we are back to moral things -- I seldom deal with this sort of thing but speaking to those that do handle cases like this then they say while those that throw food in a room twice a day and lock the door otherwise are incredibly unpleasant, as are absentees, then seeing those do a more minimal standard of care and "augmenting" their lifestyle with their funds are also hard to handle and bite their tongue for.
As awful as it is if your dad is content (or what might pass for it) with the situation and getting him whatever you and the state can to do for them will leave him worse off then what to do is not a question with easy answers. You spoke of this before in the past and it seems things have not deteriorated much since then so there is that.

Similarly while your uncle might have access to the accounts do you know who has power of attorney (or whatever the equivalent is in Germany -- assuming my dictionary is good then possibly something in the vollmacht world) as that might come into play here, either now or before long. If none has been given and your dad is deemed able to give consent then that might also be a path to allowing you to sort things. If it comes down to it and your uncle is documented primary caregiver then that might leave you with less say in matters.

Yeah as FAST says I wrote about problems with my dad before and I doubt he will ever get "better" as he is permanently drunk and won't accept any help there is no way of his brain to regain even the least bit of reason.

My dad still decides himself about everything but as he does pretty much everything my uncle says (especially when he tells him that he won't help anymore otherwise) he can pretty much do whatever he wants. German law says that as long as it helps him remain "independend" he can use his money as he sees fit and as he gets his pseudo independence when my uncle helps him throwing away the garbage and brings him new cigarets I guess there is nothing I can do agains him giving everything to this leech.
But as I don't care for the money I am only sad and it hurts that this man (my uncle) turned out to be such a rotten b**** even though I always thought he was such a good man


My best friend said that I should try "beating him with his own weapons" meaning going to my dad at least once or twice a week and doing all the things ... it would be possible to do but for me it is still 1h+ each way by train plus walking only to have my dad tell me what an asshole I am (I moved in for 4 month because I got a job not to far away but had no flat at that time and I was working 9 hours + 40min train back and forth and then was cleaning up the dump he calls home 2-3 hours a day only to have him tell me I ruin his life and such) so I don't really want to help him more then necessary plus for me this would look like I am the leech doing it hoping for money to be left when he dies :/

My current way of doing it is "fuck you all" if he or my uncle wants anything they can just fuck of ... probably not the best way, maybe even a rather bad one but I don't want to burden me with this to much even though I can not completely remove it from my head.


my gf and some friends tell me I should go see a psycho doc because of all the shit I have been trough since my childhood but I am the type who burrys everything as deep as possible within him because talking about it won't solve anything ...

I am not going to say never say never as I have seen some fairly impressive late stage turnarounds, and there are some very interesting things happening in the drug world these days as far as managing addictions. That said I have seen far more never come back to the world, and I could well see your uncle having something of a hold, what passes for logic in your father relying heavily upon that and whatever rationalisations have been built up by him about you (possibly helped along by said uncle) be hard to cut through and sort.

As far as going to speak to someone then for some it helps, others actually do well with the burying things. What I will say is you have witnessed first hand how things can get (both parents if memory serves) and there can be a genetic component in this (and a social/upbringing one) so be aware of things for yourself -- if you start seeing yourself in similar patterns then do something about it before it gets bad.

I love you man.
You are one of the few people who write very good comments about 99% of the time.
One of the few Human beeings who seem to be able to combine a good working brain (I have the feeling most people are "stupid" which doesn't necessary need to be a bad thing but it makes me feel alone sometimes ... my gf thinks the same) and empathy.

Yeah both of my Parents are kinda fucked up which is why I had to grow up very fast and doing lots of stuff on my own. These two were the Perfect example for me how to not live my life.