for a few years I've been putting on a fake smile and acting happy
even tried to hide it online too
but last night I got in an argument with my mom
I was arguing for ~15 mins before I was told to just kill myself and that she wished she wore a condom
I think it only got to that point because she was drunk
she doesn't get drunk alot so im not used to it
but after that I finally broke
the only members of my family that have not told me to kill myself im not allowed to see
my mom hates my dad and uncle
and she refuses to let me see them
but sometimes im able to convince her to let my see my dad
alot of my irl friends use me and have told me to kill myself aswell
and most of myschool sees me as a school shooter type or a terrorist
the rest of my school either doesn't know who I am or are one of my closer friends
guys in the hallways mistake me for a girl all the time, a few of them even grope me
so I went on twitter and tweeted a bunch of stuff about suicide
and said I would do it in the morning
but then Burd jr (Burds first child) was killed by a snake and that pushed me further
so I grabbed a pill bottle that I had filled with arbin I've harvested from rosary peas in my front yard
it should've been way more than enough to kill me but it didn't
and it turn out in large quantitys arbin can actually be digested
so all it did was make me cough blood for a bit
but I've been sitting here thinking about it
and I realise how stupid I was being
and now twitter wont let me verify that im human again because my new number is unsupported
so now im unable to tell someone that im still alive and that im not going to try again
this is the 3rd time I've tried
the other 2 were back in middle school and my body wouldn't let me drown myself
if anyone else has something happen that causes them to break and attempt suicide, don't
its not worth it and its actually hard to do
also, mods don't delete this and give me more warning points
im not trying to post "Graphic/Vulgar content"
even tried to hide it online too
but last night I got in an argument with my mom
I was arguing for ~15 mins before I was told to just kill myself and that she wished she wore a condom
I think it only got to that point because she was drunk
she doesn't get drunk alot so im not used to it
but after that I finally broke
the only members of my family that have not told me to kill myself im not allowed to see
my mom hates my dad and uncle
and she refuses to let me see them
but sometimes im able to convince her to let my see my dad
alot of my irl friends use me and have told me to kill myself aswell
and most of myschool sees me as a school shooter type or a terrorist
the rest of my school either doesn't know who I am or are one of my closer friends
guys in the hallways mistake me for a girl all the time, a few of them even grope me
so I went on twitter and tweeted a bunch of stuff about suicide
and said I would do it in the morning
but then Burd jr (Burds first child) was killed by a snake and that pushed me further
so I grabbed a pill bottle that I had filled with arbin I've harvested from rosary peas in my front yard
it should've been way more than enough to kill me but it didn't
and it turn out in large quantitys arbin can actually be digested
so all it did was make me cough blood for a bit
but I've been sitting here thinking about it
and I realise how stupid I was being
and now twitter wont let me verify that im human again because my new number is unsupported
so now im unable to tell someone that im still alive and that im not going to try again
this is the 3rd time I've tried
the other 2 were back in middle school and my body wouldn't let me drown myself
if anyone else has something happen that causes them to break and attempt suicide, don't
its not worth it and its actually hard to do
also, mods don't delete this and give me more warning points
im not trying to post "Graphic/Vulgar content"
