Post your jokes thread

[BakerMan]

MPR is serving the devil.

View attachment 568077

yeah that's his husband remember? they do taekwondo together

 

[MPRTwice]

It's a good thing God made me immortal, otherwise I'd be dead right now.

 

[Lostbhoy]

It's a good thing God made me immortal, otherwise I'd be dead right now.

You can't become immortal, only live forever.

Immortal is since ever.

 

[MPRTwice]

You can't become immortal, only live forever.

Immortal is since ever.

I am immortal. This is my second life.

 

[AmandaRose]

My local news channel just did an interview with a man with a really bad stutter who had just been sent to jail for life.

His victims are worried he will never finish his sentence

 

[AncientBoi]

 

[Falconcrest64]

Every body who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.
When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and a special room for Sex.
He said, " You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny---I have the same problem."
One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest.
He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal any more."
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married." The Judge said, "This courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please."
Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said that's not unusual. It happens to a lot of people.
Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday

 

[AncientBoi]

Every body who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.
When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and a special room for Sex.
He said, " You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny---I have the same problem."
One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest.
He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal any more."
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married." The Judge said, "This courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please."
Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said that's not unusual. It happens to a lot of people.
Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday

This is a Good one to read.

 

[AmandaRose]

Just watched a video about a man who kept going into arts and crafts stores and covering his testicles in glitter.

I thought well that's pretty nuts

 

[AncientBoi]

These have always made me chuckle.

 

[Lostbhoy]

The Chinese inventor of the camera lens has passed sway.

Rest in peace Zoo Min.

 

[Lostbhoy]

What do you call a half Iranian half Russian fireman??

Amir Panikova.

 

[K3Nv4]

What do you call a half Iranian half Russian fireman??

Amir Panikova.

My dentist had bad breath, I trusted them anyway.

 

[x65943]

My dentist had bad breath, I trusted them anyway.

The joke is

"I'm here" "panic over"

 

[K3Nv4]

The joke is

"I'm here" "panic over"

They got a jersey Mike's right next to my clinics. Bastards.

 

[x65943]

From a Chinese tiktok

Daughter "dad I don't want to go to school"
Dad "then don't go"
Daughter "what about when im older and can't find a job, what will I eat or drink"
Dad "I will feed you"
Daughter "what about when you're older?"
Dad "Ill save money and take care of you"
Daughter "what about when you die?"
Dad "I'll take you with me"
Daughter "I'm going to school"

 

[x65943]

Last night on the road I saw a couple (boy and a girl). They were kissing a bit. They were really in love.

I was thinking, if this was my husband how happy we would be. I walked a bit closer. It really was MY husband!!

 

[AmandaRose]

My little nephew Joe paid me a visit today and he out of the blue asked me.

Aunt Amanda you are part of the Lgbt community so is it true that all gay men like Sony, All lesbians like Yamaha and all transgenders like bose.

Joe I said they are all just stereo types

 

[Lostbhoy]

A man goes to the doctor and asks if he can remove the golfball from his ass. No the doc says, it’s up a fairway.

 

[Lostbhoy]

Went swimming today and took a pee in the deep end.

Lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.