thaddius' Console Roast 2014 Edition - Round 13

[WiiCube_2013]

Aw jeez if there wasn't Ouya I'd have gone with Xbox One as it's the least I like of the three (Nintendo, Sony, Microsoft) but if ya gonna include mobile "consoles" then you might as well list the whole bunch them dontcha think?

I voted Wii U even though I'm buying one later this month.

You've been saying this for a while now. lol

 

[Foxi4]

The Wii U dodged a bullet the size of a train thanks to including the OUYA aka "every Android microconsole ever".

 

[Vipera]

Wii U Mario Kart machine
Xbox One Expensive multimedia player
OUYA LMAO
PlayStation 4 cheap proprietary PC

Oh boy, I remember way too well what happened when the OUYA was running its Kickstarter: thousands of hivemind fedorable virgins started smugging all over the internet as if they were some kind of new prick specie chanting over the "miracle" that was Android and that the OUYA would have destroyed all the other "toys". It was as big as le Linux hivemind when Ubuntu became popular around teenagers.
Now, I know we shouldn't judge companies by their shitty fanbase, but the OUYA developers marched on this pretty hard (warning: gross):

Spoiler

Then, like a serious company, they declined any responsibility and said that they didn't make it once it got heavily criticized by people. And the system itself? It doesn't even stand up by itself because it keeps falling down, the controller sucks and the games suffer from performance issues.
Then of course, le hivemind (the ones that still insisted) changed their speech in "b-but we can play GTA3". Buy one console for one game, sure.
"b-but machine for the emulators!" Hahaha NO.
"b-but multimedia box!" Even WD makes better stuff than that.

Bottomline: the OUYA had too much of an impact to not consider it as a console. The Wii U has no games I'm interested in, the Xbox One is useless in Italy and the PS4 is offering nothing more than my PC does. OUYA wins and may all le hivemind burn.
As for the ones that believed in the project without smugging all over the place: I'm sorry for you. Maybe you'll get luckier with the Arduino.

 

[WiiCube_2013]

Xbox One Expensive multimedia player

That doesn't even handle MKVs or FLACs.

 

[chavosaur]

Jesus fucking Christ I'm so happy the ouya is here to steer clear of my beloved Xbox One ;O;
However it also means I don't have to put my vote toward the Wii U. I have faith in the Wii u to pick up steam at some point, and I already have a lot of tourneys planned with MK8 so hopefully I can still continue to enjoy it.

 

[TripleSMoon]

This is so anticlimactic... OUYA for sure.

Though if the OUYA weren't there, I would vote Wii U for sure... and I'm speaking as an avid Nintendo fan who owns one (and doesn't own a PS4 or Xbone, I may add).

 

[Hyro-Sama]

Geez. The Xbox One is seriously tying with the Wii U? Even after they removed the Kinect? Can M$ ever win?

 

[matpower]

I think it is a bit too early for this poll, but anyway, I vote on OUYA, it is useless and the devs thinks they can pull an Apple Store instance with that thing.
To be honest, I don't like the PS4 controller, maybe it is the lack of a START/SELECT button, RIP classic features.

 

[Necron]

Too early to make this gen. Still, voted for the Ouya.

 

[tbgtbg]

I dispute that the OUYA is even a console, but if it stops Wii U from unfairly running away with the votes, great.

 

[matpower]

I love how the Wii U got less votes than the XBone.
GO WII U GO!

 

[cdoty]

Just to clarify, that is the XBox One with the Kinect, right?

There are other android game consoles than the OUYA such as the gamestick and the Mad Catz M.O.J.O.
Not including them and just the OUYA is weird.

The NVidia Shield, from the last generation, came out after the Ouya.

I think including the Ouya in this list, let alone calling it a console, probably gives it way too much credit.

If you think the Ouya is bad, give the GameStick a try. I think I could find a chinese GBA rip off that would run better.

The Ouya launch was pretty bad, but the system has improved quite a bit since then. A number of the games are as good as XBox Live Arcade or PSN games for 1/3 to 1/2 the price. Minigore 2 and Heroes of the Loot are two of my current favorites.

 

[matpower]

NVIDIA Shield isn't the last generation, it is just separated from Consoles Generation.
It is on the same generation as the 3DS and Vita.

 

[markehmus]

backed ouya as soon as i heard about it waited a year to get one - pretty disapointed by it- least used console in my house and i even have a virtualboy

edit :
oh yeah i love my wiiu and ps4 , great consoles, even if no one else likes wiiu

 

[PolloDiablo]

can I vote all the consoles?

 

[Gahars]

can I vote all the consoles?

I think that defeats the purpose of "worst."

 

[Taleweaver]

I voted xbox one. Let me explain my reasons...

Yes, the ouya would have been the obvious choice. It's so underpowered that some smartphones are better and the add Vipera showed is more likely to turn people away from ouya than toward it. But when you compare it to other 'bottom price'-consoles, it's not bad at all. You can laugh all you want, but my local game shop sells these things. For a kickstarter program, that's already quite successful. I admit the launch wasn't exactly great, but again: it's not exactly fair to directly compare it to companies who have a budget that's many dozen times as big.

The PS4 is the clear winner thus far. Ironically by not screwing up things: it doesn't have a retarded name, it doesn't have a huge paywall and doesn't rely on fancy gimmicks nobody cares about (though that as well is debatable...is that mousepad on the controller used for anything?).
The wiiu screwed up that third party support they promised. May be bad relations, may be because they're (still) following their own standards instead of the industry's, but in any case: it has become yet another nintendo franchise machine. It's still quality, mind you. If you want to buy a console for your kids, this would be the one. Unfortunately, I didn't bought it for kids (I'm from Belgium...I keep them in my cellar ).

And the xbox one...guys...you DO realise that the xbone ships with a useless peripheral that costs as much as the ouya, right? Yes...I know: they're going to ship consoles without it now. But does it really take a painfully bad E3 presentation and half a year of complaints about that thing to notice this? Also...just how many exclusives are worth it? Most of them also come to PS4, and if not there to the PC. And for what remains you can buy ten games on the ouya. And probably drag more fun out of it.

 

[chavosaur]

And the xbox one...guys...you DO realise that the xbone ships with a useless peripheral that costs as much as the ouya, right? Yes...I know: they're going to ship consoles without it now. But does it really take a painfully bad E3 presentation and half a year of complaints about that thing to notice this? Also...just how many exclusives are worth it? Most of them also come to PS4, and if not there to the PC. And for what remains you can buy ten games on the ouya. And probably drag more fun out of it.

It's a useless peripheral in your eyes as much as the Gamepad is a useless peripheral in my eyes. The gamepad adds about as much as my Kinect adds to the depth and need of my games. And I own both. Give me a controller any day (a normal one that isnt a clunky plastic eyesore.) But I still use the Kinect more on average for the ease of navigation.
And the exclusivity thing can be said of PS4 as well at the moment. They're almost evenly matched in exclusives at this current point, that argument is a load.
Exclusives that are worth it? How about Forza, rated best racing game of last year? How about Dead Rising 3, the most entertaining hack and slash on the platform right now? What about the future of Halo, Gears of war, sunset overdrive, quantum break, etc? It's all based on your preference. And I believe we've said before that it's the MIX of exclusives and third party that keep a console great. PS4 and XBOX ONE have both of these.
And which two are missing the great balance?
The Ouya and the Wii U. But of COURSE, we know what everyone else isn't going to vote for, which is another reason why I'm glad the Ouya is here. It funnels out all the bias in the poll.

 

[codezer0]

For once I can say, all of these are deserving of the award in their own way.

The WiiU has been an unmitigated disaster. The tablet controller has turned off a lot more players and devs than it's turned on. Nintendo's business decisions toward how much freedom it has accessing internal/external storage directly hampers collectors, and Nintendo couldn't be phoning it in any harder with the selection of Michael Bay shlock that they've shoved on us since launch. When even the first party games are bad, then you know something is wrong. And yet, Iwata seems to have the audacity to blame us because they have yet to make something worth buying for it. This coming from the same xenophobic asshole that refused to export Mother 3? *Expletive* him with a rusty chainsaw.

The Sony P$4? oh yes, let's just remove all the backward compatibility all together, just so they can re-sell games at $80 a pop or something heinous in some collection re-release like they tried to do with neutered PS3's. Honestly, the only reason I'd even halfway consider dropping money on this piece of crap is out of fear they'll find some way to neuter the PS4 even worse on a slim version, because as we all know, Sony revisionizes stuff like it's a sexual fetish for them. "oh yessss! make it smaller! weaker! impotent fools!" Krazy Ken and Kaz should commit hara kiri and get it over with. Let's not forget all the post-launch lies, like how they were going to make it easier for people to record their footage, when in practice every game has that ICT crap so that recording with any external gear is flat out impossible. How about the stupid light bar on the controllers, that is supposedly meant for a VR add-on that will very likely flop?

Xbox one? I need only point to the first unveiling to prove what they did wrong. There is far more, but that first reveal of the system managed to do more damage than if they'd had Krazy Ken Kutaragi talk for two hours about the PS4. Probably the only thing I could say positively about the system would have to be that the controller in my few sessions with it really does feel fantastic. I'm still angry/upset that they chose not to address BC at all. This goes for both Microsoft and Sony in this regard... without even BC for digital purchases, I have less of a reason to adopt the new system, or for that matter, buy any new titles because as soon as the old system dies, it's money thrown away.

The Ouya? this is the thing that had the audacity to portray itself as a console? THIS is the thing that brought umpteen billion clones so people could play angry birds on their TV and charge us $30-50 for the privilege?

All of these systems are worthy of the dubious honor. But there is a special place in hell for everyone involved with the Ouya.

 

[Tom Bombadildo]

(1)The Sony P$4? oh yes, let's just remove all the backward compatibility all together, just so they can re-sell games at $80 a pop or something heinous in some collection re-release like they tried to do with neutered PS3's. Honestly, the only reason I'd even halfway consider dropping money on this piece of crap is out of fear they'll find some way to neuter the PS4 even worse on a slim version, because as we all know, Sony revisionizes stuff like it's a sexual fetish for them. (2)"oh yessss! make it smaller! weaker! impotent fools!" Krazy Ken and Kaz should commit hara kiri and get it over with. (3)Let's not forget all the post-launch lies, like how they were going to make it easier for people to record their footage, when in practice every game has that ICT crap so that recording with any external gear is flat out impossible. How about the stupid light bar on the controllers, that is supposedly meant for a VR add-on that will very likely flop?

(1)Too bad there isn't any kind of instance of them overpricing their older games...ever. Also, their backwards compatibility service will be called PS Now, where you can gamestream PS3 (and probably others, we still don't have much info since it's still in beta) to PS4/PS3/Vita/Some TVs. It's rumored to have both a subscription where each month they'll give games like PS+ (it's possible they'll integrate it with PS+, but as I said we have little info) or you can rent/buy the games for what I would assume would be the same cost as digital versions.

Spoiler

Would you look how expensive these PS2 classics are OMG SO OVERPRICED WTF

As you can see, $15 is the highest price they charge for PS2 classics. PS1 games are something like $6.

(2) Unless you're referring to removing the PS2 hardware from the phat PS3s to the slims, then I have no idea what you're talking about since there's no performance-based changes with any of the PS3 revisions besides small changes with the blu-ray drives and cooling.

(3)http://wololo.net/2014/04/30/playstation-4-firmware-1-70-is-now-available/ < Sony disabled HDCP protection in this update, y'know, like they said they would.