“MPRTwice the therapist” (No AI)

[MPRTwice]

“1st session:

Client name: Samus

Occupation: Mercenary/Bounty Hunter (MPR notes: understandable potential acute stress disorder background; war veteran who lost her group, and family prior.)

Samus: “My morning has been an absolute nightmare. Killer machines and lifeforms have been trying to eliminate me all morning.”

MPR: “Sounds like a usual Tuesday.”

Samus: “no, it’s worse; I’m the last of a warrior group; the best, and I get fed up with things trying to intimidate me; I’ve gotten to the point where I casually stop dangerous threats like diggernaut and kraid with one arm, casually and fed up with it.”

MPR: “you too!?”

Samus: “wait, you get it? Well, here’s the thing; I try to save everyone, literally, and get underpaid for it! They even tell me stupid things like ‘oh why is it that all this planet exploding stuff seems to only happen to you?’ It’s not my fault! The supercomputer blew up Zebes, I had to neutralize SR388 to stop the end of civilization, and bird-brain blew up ZDR!”

MPR: “…I…see…well um, I did not have collateral damage of exploding planets in my case, but I understand you otherwise…trust me…I’ve gotten utterly bored of defeating UFC and MMA people in a bored, one-armed circuit.”

Samus: “you don’t look very tall. You’re only six feet.”

MPR: “and my opponents were eight feet at times, and way heavier. Not a giant fat lizard in lava, mind you, but I get it.”

Samus: “finally! I was so fed up with no one getting it; it’s always ‘adam did not authorize this’, ‘corrupt subset of the galactic federation that’, and ‘oh Samus, we need you to stop the end of civilization and will pay you pennies.’, it’s annoying! But thanks.”

 

[MPRTwice]

“2nd session:

Client name: Flynn Taggart

Occupation: “The Doom Slayer” (MPR notes: what does this even mean? Possible dementia and delusions of grandeur)

Flynn: “well, it all started a few years back. I lost my pet bunny, daisy…the monsters took her, they invaded the planet and tried to kill and extract the souls of the planet.”

MPR: “mmm….o…kay….so, um, what did these…monsters look like? Yellow tail and electricity perhaps? Do people train these…monsters in…pockets…?”

Flynn: “most of them hurl fireballs using occult magic, so I got out my trusty shotgun here.”

MPR: “oh my…um…(oh shoot, this guy is unhinged! What am I gonna do!?)…that’s a…skull…being grinded…for ammo…with….h-horns!? Is that a…prop!?”

Flynn: “no. most have horns; here’s some footage of the invasion.”

MPR: “this is…oh my gosh, Flynn, um…I see why no one believes you, but uh…you are a one man army…that’s…um…great! You didn’t join them. So…was your brother behind this, or is that a clone, or…?”

Flynn: “he is the leader of the darkness. I am essentially a non-villain copy of him. I killed him with these space age friends using these portals here, fell asleep in a coffin for a bit, and I just woke up. Currently they are doing a documentary of my ‘dark ages’.”

MPR: “Flynn, you have clearly been through…um…stuff.”

Flynn: “I knew what you were going to say.”

MPR: “I don’t use profanity.”

Flynn: “you also didn’t try to hurl a fireball at me, so thanks.”

 

[MPRTwice]

“3rd session:

Client name: Azula

Occupation: Princess of the fire nation, royal advisor to Zuko (MPR notes: she had been diagnosed with conduct disorder)

Azula: “I was abused emotionally as a young child. I felt I had to be perfect.”

MPR: “Same.”

Azula: “what? Well, I suppose you also hurt people.”

MPR: “I was super critical of myself. Not others.”

Azula: “then why are you not a perfectionist now?”

MPR: “I’ll put it in simple terms; that lightning thing you do, you can either A: spend the next hour not messing your hair up as you fire a bolt, or B: instead use that hour to get a better counter-offensive stance, which would you rather do?”

Azula: “you…you weaponized the perfectionism…against itself! You make it look like perfectionism is inefficient!”

MPR: “It _is_ inefficient. I am a retired perfectionist. I get all of the benefits and none of the drawbacks.”

Azula: “retired perf…wow! Ozai always saw it as weakness, you see it as a strength. Thank you. Thank you so much!’

MPR: “…”

Azula: “are you ok?”

MPR: “my next client is a sith cult enforcer who helps lead a tyrannical space empire.”

Azula: “and I thought I had it bad…saw him in the hallway…he looks like a samurai in an iron lung…that guy is terrifying; he choked someone on the way in.”

MPR: “hoo boy; they do not pay me enough for this job.”

 

[MPRTwice]

“4th session:

Client name: Darth Vader

Occupation: Sith, Galactic Empire supreme commander, apprentice of The Emperor and Sith cult leader (MPR notes: if I get out of this alive, I’ll call it a good day)

Vader: “*labored breathing*”

MPR: “I can feel your anger from here, Darth Vader. Who are you…angry…at…?”

Vader: “Everyone. Ozzel came out of lightspeed too close to the system. I did accept Captain Needa’s apology after killing him. And Skywalker has evaded me, piett promise the millennium falcon’s hyperdrive was deactivated.”

MPR: “I hate incompetence too…MMA loves double…um..takedowns…and I just duck and punch…basic stuff they don’t get, and I do it with one…um…well….I have asthma and openly use one arm, and they still lose…”

Vader: “*labored breathing*”

MPR: “right, so…using that anger to push your skills and combat efficiency…makes you tougher, and your mind is every but as tactical, even moreso…are you a pilot?”

Vader: “*labored breathing* our session has ended. Good work. Continue your progress. If the rebels strike this facility, the empire will compensate it if you die.”

MPR: “Goodbye..Dar..n, yes, darn! Those rebels, they could be a hazard, right?”

Vader: *leaves*

MPR: “Note to self…’Goodbye Darth” is a trigger word for him. I need a break. Let’s see, next client is in an hour…hm, Zelda…princess…tough…like azu…wait…not like azula! This girl’s seen everyone die, except her selectively mute boyfriend…goat people…desert amazons…magic stones…? What is this, a marvel movie? I’ve got thirty minutes for lunch, and I want an American cheeseburger *iron man reference*”

 

[Reploid]

I don't follow

 

[MPRTwice]

“MPR: Whew! Called off for the day; crazy evil shadow hands or not, I’m glad she postponed! Let me call in: hey, it’s MPR: how are you?”

Samus: “doing great! My infused killer-instinct Metroid DNA is fully under control. Talking with the A.I., hold on adam…yeah, another bounty, stay safe! *click*

MPR: “I don’t wanna know…um…hello? Is this Flynn? Oh, he…he died!? What do you mean “extra lives”!? I…what is that noise? A titan…destroying the city!? Ok fine I’ll call later, sheesh!”

Azula: “hello?”

MPR: “it’s me, doing a checkup…”

Azula: “you sound as upset as zu-zu before councilman tao tried to usurp him. Relax, dum dum, I used that mindset to keep my brother safe; I’m reformed. I even apologized to mai.”

MPR: “you…you did…”

Azula: “I see you need time to mull it ove…no, zu-zu, that is not how you manage a finance report…I have to go, but thanks. The avatar was getting tired of long distance energybend calling *click*”

MPR: “…I don’t want to ask…ugh…hi, this is MPR, may I please speak with…oh hi, Vader, how are things?”

Vader: “I took your advice. I did not kill moff Jerjerrod for being behind on schedule for the death star. I merely referred him to the emperor, who is not as forgiving as I am. The planet-destroying laser must be ready on schedule.

MPR: “p-planet destroying…um….so, heh, I-I um, remember to not be too…angry..um…maybe later! *click* what the flip have I gotten myself into? An empire, planet destroying superweapon! Evil cult of the sith…I might need to relocate; these rebels might know where I live and find out I gave this guy _therapy_ sessions. Um…hi, this is MPR, yes princess Zelda, today is fine! Oh, no reason, just wanted to get through all sessions! (and then get outta here before the rebels come knocking!)”

 

[MPRTwice]

I don't follow

"The joke being if I was a therapist and met these characters. Non-AI generated script."

 

[hippy dave]

You know all therapists have to see a therapist themselves, right? It's called supervision. You should book an appointment.

 

[MPRTwice]

You know all therapists have to see a therapist themselves, right? It's called supervision. You should book an appointment.

I talk to God; He Is Perfect and free. It's called prayer. you should book an appointment; He Is always available.

 

[hippy dave]

I talk to God; He Is Perfect and free. It's called prayer. you should book an appointment; He Is always available.

He doesn't talk back though. Or if he does, it's called psychosis.

 

[MPRTwice]

He doesn't talk back though. Or if he does, it's called psychosis.

rather, that means you contacted satan by mistake. watch out for those scam calls. he is around, and up to no good.