I remember you from kindergarten at Epic Elementary in 1993 when you lived in Birmingham, AL, lol!!!
I was never there so far, though. I never had residence there, not even as a child.
But that's ok. I'm glad I remind you of someone.
That said, I nearly gave up on everything tonight; I was pushed really hard and just nearly wanted to die; I've been very sick, and it would have been enough between a mid grade fever and an extreme respiratory infection with double vision and a dazed level of concentration from it that if I had just given up tonight, it would have made me not be here.
I have been trying my absolute best to be as optimistic as possible. I don't know why I nearly wanted to lay down and die from a simple respiratory infection, but it was clearly much more than that that made me feel like I almost wanted to give up.
I even asked God why He let me live when I had septic shock last year and had no benefits, and therefore no medical treatment, to fight it off for months. Two closest family members died of similar things at the same time. I felt like it was some sort of sick joke that I lived and they died. It can be hard to get over survivor's guilt, and not just for soldiers. I almost want my current infection to kill me.
I told Him that I might have made a different decision back then if I had known things would get this tough; I would likely have requested to just die from it instead of getting past it all just to be treated like the lowest thing on the Earth like this.
Sorry; I've been through things.
This is a simple infection to fight off at this point for someone of my level of fitness, but I need to make a choice; do I want to not bother (since it's more than enough to make me stop breathing and go to sleep if I do not bother fighting it), or do I want to fight? I cannot afford to treat it at a hospital, so I need to make that choice. I am sorry I never said anything about this.
I'm at a low point. And I stopped getting upset over it; if I die, I die, if I live, Iive. God's Choice and Will either way, just like it was for the vets in the rat-holes and me when a shooter was by my door years ago. It's in God's Hands. Let Him decide.