Dad jokes

[Deleted member 725709]

why did mcfly cross the road?
cause he weren't no chicken

 

[SeventhSon7]

What would happen if Samwise Gamgee started smoking?

It would be a bad hobbit.

 

[impeeza]

What's the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?: about 140 calories

 

[Deleted member 725709]

how do you morph a fox into a cow?
you marry her.

 

[Veho]

Huge Nintendo leek

 

[impeeza]

My first football game was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was really bloody an bruised, but at least my dad came.

 

[BakerMan]

My first football game was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was really bloody an bruised, but at least my dad came.

 

[impeeza]

This thread is so long what now is «grandad bad jokes»

 

[BakerMan]

real

 

[impeeza]

DeWalt House FOR EVER!!

 

[Veho]

Parkside. It's not fancy but it gets shit done.

 

[slaphappygamer]

What’s Homer Simpson’s fav console?

Ninten’DOH!

 

[Xdqwerty]

I'm gonna tell you something: something

 

[Veho]

I'm gonna tell you something: something

Oh yeah? Well this says otherwise:

Spoiler

 

[Xdqwerty]

Oh yeah? Well this says otherwise:

Spoiler

View attachment 473477

If thats the case, then i'm telling you a secret: a secret

 

[FateNightroad]

Which gamer plaque should I get?

 

[BakerMan]

Which gamer plaque should I get?


View attachment 473701

"Slur" in 3 could just be talking about slurring speech (like from drunkenness or a stroke) instead of saying racial slurs, or even making a slurry (for some reason).

 

[Robert Newbie]

 

[Cranesbill]

Can any dads explain this joke?

"Hey watcha doing?"
"Not much, just thinking about getting a new stereo"
"You know my boyfriend told me about this guy who got one for a real steal"
"Really? What he'd get?"
"two-to-five"

EDIT: The "real steal" meant he actually stole it and got a "Two-to-five" prison sentence (thanks for @kijetesantakalu042 for cracking it)

 

[FateNightroad]

Can any dads explain this joke?

"Hey watcha doing?"
"Not much, just thinking about getting a new stereo"
"You know my boyfriend told me about this guy who got one for a real steal"
"Really? What he'd get?"
"two-to-five"

I'm guessing it must have something to do with the twigs he set up for adoption to fund his non promiscuious lifestyle.