A lot of time has passed since my last blog. After reading over it I feel as though I've progressed a lot as a person since then. I was just depressed over a silly (silly was chosen very carefully) relationship. It was an awesome experience! You really do learn a lot more through experience rather than perception and imagination. Out of respect for anyone who was confused about my other Blog I'm actually going to explain it right now! (This is gonna be rough!)
"Today i came across an interesting story on an imaginative way of how we can live forever and how and what god is."
I came across this story, it blew my mind for a bit.
" that was a mixed ass sentence shouldve thought about it before so it can make sense and appeal."
I was typing exactly came into my head as it was coming in, that's all.
So today i like any other day thought about life and where i see myself and where i stand in the place im at.
I'm an observer and I tend to just look at people and try and figure how they're feeling or just generally study people, so I thought to myself what am I feeling or what am I doing?
all i know so far is that im in college and im supposed to study and have sex with mad girls.
My preconceived notion about college and what a person is 'supposed' to experience.
but this just doesn't feel right for me at the moment.
I wasn't the most popular person with the ladies.
im a very unsatisfied person and i have a very negative outlook on life as a hole, but i constantly am changing.
Basically saying I can be happy or sad (was sad that day) based on what is going on in my life or how my friends are feeling. I grew out of this and decided to always have energy and be optimistic about what happened.
or i can think of this constant change as me being myself and i just constantly change to meet someones requirements or ideas.
I took a class on Sociology that said that everything that happens to you changes you, I've learn to know it's not the things that happen to you that change you it's everything you take out of those things that make you.
to me i think i have 3 sides one side looks towards feelings (mine or others) one looks towards logic (realism) and the other is everyone else.
I look at what people would like of me (being a bitch), or what I want to do (selfish asshole), or what I should do based on my morals.
i change based on the people around me in my interesting ways in my opinion when im around my roommate i just speak without thinking and whatever is said is said, when im around the girl that i think i like (as a friend or more, not sure) i act differently in that im trying to learn about her and at the same time her learn about me and me learn about me.
What a beastly sentence. I'm just saying that I act differently around different people because I was wanting to be accepted and be manipulative, but this was wrong so I just acted however I felt like acting.
there is no one to truly trust, if i wanted to say something important i wouldnt ever feel comfortable saying it to anyone right now.
Basically saying that I can't depend on anyone to help/be there for me. This one still holds true.
i feel that i am willing to sacrifice so much of me to help someone out but i never see this returning to my favor.
Again, just wanting to be accepted.
i spoke with a good friend of mine about life and he assured me that im constantly a nice person genuinly but im also trying to have karma by like keeping track kinda in my head of all the nice things i do.
Non-sense just trying to justify nice actions not benefiting me is my fault.
i am i really nice and caring person to everyone but to the people that i care about i feel like im being me, but im not sure who that is or what effects me, just now i almost changed effects to affects but i doubted myself thinking i was wrong, where does this sense of doubt come from?
I had to read this sentence a couple times over, I was angry with the fact that no one appreciates me and then I was thinking out-loud of what I was doing and so it was what happens in my brain every instance of time.
why do i always have questions that have no answers?
Not necessarily a bad thing questioning what is 'fact' isn't a problem but it just leads to a very difficult answer.
do i think too much do i look into things that aren't meant to.
The relationship with my ex was complicated, or I'm making it that way, I'm really not sure.
i need things to make sense to me that is all i want a sensible and something that i can understand.
Again just wanted to set things straight!
but now i have these feelings that are indescribable i just don't know what to think anymore about my life and what im doing here i dont know what i should do about friends work games thinking myself and again fucking college its so hard out here and i need help but have no where to go to, i have no real friends only college friends, if u know what i mean, its like to the outside world im a happy honest funny kid and maybe that's who i am but when im with someone i am close to or spend a lot of time with i just say these things out of no where, i just think about all these things and its just such a burden to think so much, i just wanna get on with my life and be happy cause that's what it fucking comes down to and i need some fucking happiness right now, i see it so often why is it something so hard to get.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOL
GG NO RE SUP?
I play a lot of fucking Dota.
<hr>Posts merged
what a beastly FUCKING POST
"Today i came across an interesting story on an imaginative way of how we can live forever and how and what god is."
I came across this story, it blew my mind for a bit.
" that was a mixed ass sentence shouldve thought about it before so it can make sense and appeal."
I was typing exactly came into my head as it was coming in, that's all.
So today i like any other day thought about life and where i see myself and where i stand in the place im at.
I'm an observer and I tend to just look at people and try and figure how they're feeling or just generally study people, so I thought to myself what am I feeling or what am I doing?
all i know so far is that im in college and im supposed to study and have sex with mad girls.
My preconceived notion about college and what a person is 'supposed' to experience.
but this just doesn't feel right for me at the moment.
I wasn't the most popular person with the ladies.
im a very unsatisfied person and i have a very negative outlook on life as a hole, but i constantly am changing.
Basically saying I can be happy or sad (was sad that day) based on what is going on in my life or how my friends are feeling. I grew out of this and decided to always have energy and be optimistic about what happened.
or i can think of this constant change as me being myself and i just constantly change to meet someones requirements or ideas.
I took a class on Sociology that said that everything that happens to you changes you, I've learn to know it's not the things that happen to you that change you it's everything you take out of those things that make you.
to me i think i have 3 sides one side looks towards feelings (mine or others) one looks towards logic (realism) and the other is everyone else.
I look at what people would like of me (being a bitch), or what I want to do (selfish asshole), or what I should do based on my morals.
i change based on the people around me in my interesting ways in my opinion when im around my roommate i just speak without thinking and whatever is said is said, when im around the girl that i think i like (as a friend or more, not sure) i act differently in that im trying to learn about her and at the same time her learn about me and me learn about me.
What a beastly sentence. I'm just saying that I act differently around different people because I was wanting to be accepted and be manipulative, but this was wrong so I just acted however I felt like acting.
there is no one to truly trust, if i wanted to say something important i wouldnt ever feel comfortable saying it to anyone right now.
Basically saying that I can't depend on anyone to help/be there for me. This one still holds true.
i feel that i am willing to sacrifice so much of me to help someone out but i never see this returning to my favor.
Again, just wanting to be accepted.
i spoke with a good friend of mine about life and he assured me that im constantly a nice person genuinly but im also trying to have karma by like keeping track kinda in my head of all the nice things i do.
Non-sense just trying to justify nice actions not benefiting me is my fault.
i am i really nice and caring person to everyone but to the people that i care about i feel like im being me, but im not sure who that is or what effects me, just now i almost changed effects to affects but i doubted myself thinking i was wrong, where does this sense of doubt come from?
I had to read this sentence a couple times over, I was angry with the fact that no one appreciates me and then I was thinking out-loud of what I was doing and so it was what happens in my brain every instance of time.
why do i always have questions that have no answers?
Not necessarily a bad thing questioning what is 'fact' isn't a problem but it just leads to a very difficult answer.
do i think too much do i look into things that aren't meant to.
The relationship with my ex was complicated, or I'm making it that way, I'm really not sure.
i need things to make sense to me that is all i want a sensible and something that i can understand.
Again just wanted to set things straight!
but now i have these feelings that are indescribable i just don't know what to think anymore about my life and what im doing here i dont know what i should do about friends work games thinking myself and again fucking college its so hard out here and i need help but have no where to go to, i have no real friends only college friends, if u know what i mean, its like to the outside world im a happy honest funny kid and maybe that's who i am but when im with someone i am close to or spend a lot of time with i just say these things out of no where, i just think about all these things and its just such a burden to think so much, i just wanna get on with my life and be happy cause that's what it fucking comes down to and i need some fucking happiness right now, i see it so often why is it something so hard to get.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOL
GG NO RE SUP?
I play a lot of fucking Dota.
<hr>Posts merged
what a beastly FUCKING POST
