How I escape reality

  • Author Author Felek666
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Well... I have some problems too.
Some will just point out at my age and say "You don't have anything to think about like me." but basically they don't understand. I sometimes experience mental breakdowns, I sometimes just feel suicidal. Yet, I try to show that nothing is wrong with me, being falsely cheerful.

Gaming makes me forget about these things. Anime also. Spending good time with my friends. Visiting new places.
Stuff like that just makes me happy. That's why I'm finding new things to spend my time on like for example: My Raspberry Pi project.
Gaming = Bad Grades, yup... Running away from reality helps me relax a bit... but it also has consequences.

Yet some people love to point out flaws in me. That I'm too mean, or that I'm being too self-centered. It's mostly because... I keep everything in myself. It's not probably due to my character? Or is it? I was cheerful when I was 8. But now, I literally want to end myself. That's not being a edgy 14 year old. That's about having a fucking depression!

I wish I could go back to my old self. Cheerful, Social kid which didn't think too much about life. Had alot of dumb and cool ideas with my friends. [I only had one friend which later just decided to stop being my friend...]
Everything got ruined, I feel like everything is failing apart sometimes. I have help of specialist, it kinda helps me. Yet, nothing will really help me.

I'm trying to stay positive, sometimes posting dumb shit and making shitty arguments. Mostly so I can atleast interact with somebody.

Ending this blog post... No questions.
See ya in another blog post.
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sometimes i feel like that, everything is falling and idk what to do, but we just need to be positive and try more, at least people say that, i hope it helps, i'm still trying to help myself too
 
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F
I wish it would be easy to stay positive like everyone else says... Sometimes it's too much.

But we have to try atleast.
 
I would like to say"cry me a river" (i said it :-P) but I won't. I know how you feel and I know what's it like to be left alone. I never had help from a specialist so maybe that will or won't help. But poeple change, and so do you. You are who you are, and always be true to yourself. Don't drown in sadness, there is always some small spark of hope. I know there is, I found it. So fuck it all, live your life :-)
Cheers mate
 
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yes i know, i wish it would easy like "i want to be happy" and BAM
but it's not like that, thats why we need to try, you will never know until you try, at least i didn't tried XD
 
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@migles
I'm not into garbage

@BlueFox gui
lmao, honesty hurts xD

@Byokugen
You sure know how to cheer someone up. Thanks for that motivational post.
 
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my intention is not hurt you, i want to help, i kinda know how you feel, i'm even sad about yesterday, my family are complainig with me and treating me like retarded because i don't have friends (well i have 2 on school but just inside of school) and i don't have a girlfriend
 
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@BlueFox gui
I can relate but your family shouldn't be treating you like shit, they should support you! This is dumb of them, if they keep throwing tantrum at you then throw it back at them.

At some point in your life, you will have to do it anyways.

And I wrote that while laughing so you didn't hurt me actually :)
 
well, i do sometimes but they are that kind of family who hits you for anything XD
a few months ago my mom almost broke my finger because i said to her stop screaming (because she was screaming) XD
 
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Yeah I can do that. That's the only good thing I am able to do. But if you stay depressed I'm gonna find you and kick your ass! In tekken that is
 
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Man, I wish I could yell out Bippity Boppity BOO or Kooloo-LIMPAH and magically make @Felek666 feel better
 
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Having been to the deepest depths of depression myself when I was 10-18 (I was home from school for like 5 years), I know how shitty it is. I also know what it's like when people don't understand and keep thinking you're a fucking idiot who just needs to cheer up and realize that things aren't so bad. My depression ended when I started high school in 2013, I went to game dev school, and even though I knew when I started that I probably wouldn't pursue a career in game dev anyway, I'll never regret that decision. Best years of my life so far. Going to school with awesome like minded people and making games, man, what a time it was.
Now I'm 21 and I work with web dev (self taught) and I feel awesome and happy. I know it's bullshit when people tell you to cheer up, but just know, that it WILL get better later regardless.
 
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Events in my life tried to screw with me so much that now i just don't give a fuck neither about what happen or what people think
i just do what i want or feel like to do when i want to do whatever people think i don't have time to care anymore
 
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Trying to be positive sometimes is not possible, or give something fake to current situation, sometimes is better to be honest with yourself.
So what I can suggest you to get feel better.
We are what we eat, watch, listen to.
Try to not eat a shit, I hope you can choose only good things for you, that's my wish.
And there will never be a reason to end with yourself.
Life is way more amazing than we can imgaine, no matter how bad seems to be.
There always be a something that will surprise you positively, even if you're no looking for that.
Nobody's a desert island.
 
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I guess there are lots of people with problems and more than enough who try to play it down :(
For me life is not really good either ... no contact with my mom as she is drug addict and her criminal boyfrend is younger than me, trying to stop contact with my alcohol addicted dad as he is taking me down way to much ... trying to kill myself when I was in gradeschool because life was so bad for me ... and several other things.

I can feel with you.
There are allways people who got it worse than others and noone can really completely understand someone elses problems but they are there no matter how old you are.
 
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It is my belief that most people have issues that they are too prideful to deal with. Anyways the fact that you posted this, are seeking help shows that you have acknowledge this and is a step in the right direction. Like you I also suffer from depression and also like you I have my days where I fine and other days where I just feel like nothing is going my way. I have found the best way to deal with this is to get out there and try different things and meet new people( cliche I know) but hey it worked for me and maybe it will work for you.

Best regards
 
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We are the same right now.
I'm currently experiencing the lowest point of my life and I've been like this ever since I was 14.
But I'm hitting rock bottom this year, everything is going wrong and I'm losing everyone. Sometimes gaming doesn't even give me pleasure anymore.

I'm also sick right now, have a problem in my throat and I haven't gone to school in 2 weeks. I'm honestly afraid to go now, I feel like it's not worth it anymore, my year is done.

I don't know what to fucking do anymore.
 
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I can somewhat relate to you. i never got to the point of being suicidal but i know the feeling of being empty. If you wanna talk about it or just wanna talk about things to get your mind off the topic, feel free to PM me. also it's good to find someone who can relate to you and to talk to them about your feelings, it helps a lot, trust me. Well see ya around:ph34r:
 
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Music! Listen to the different instruments and layers. It's so relaxing. It's like a puzzle for your mind. What you are feeling is normal. Music, books, games, will always be there for you.
 
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Felek666
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