It's late at night. 9pm. 3 hours left. i need to finish work and write a technical paper both by 12 midnight. i should finish it now, but it seems i won't finish even one. though the work deadline is self imposed to avoid schedule complications tomorrow.
but the technical paper should be submitted before 12 midnight. i may make it if i spend the whole three hours but it will add 3 hours more to my work tomorrow which will add up to 13 hours.
and my worst problem is, i can't get Kimi no Iru Machi off my mind. it keeps distracting me and keeps me depressed. i'd like to get help, but for some reason i can't speak up to anyone who knows me personally. that's why i chose to write this blog just to let it out.
i've only slept for 2 hours since yesterday.
i really pity myself. why am i like this?
later when i arrive home and tomorrow morning i will be beck to normal. but my normal isn't the true me, my normal is the me who hides everything and just shows my happy side.
i want someone to help me, but i don't want to be crying for help. probably because the help i get won't have effect if you did it because i told you to. i want someone who doesn't know me to help me without learning from other people that i need help. it's like a test. and i shall treasure someone who can do that.
actually there was someone who already did understand me. he was a psychology student who i treated as an older brother. but he took advantage of me(not physically, money stuff). but even though i discovered that he was just using me, i still can't say no to him. that's why i just avoid him. i'm really weak. very weak.
my blog is a bit confusing since i just want this all out so i can continue my work. so i'm sorry for those who will read this. i'll put you in the trouble of putting the pieces together.
because of Kimi no Iru Machi, i long for the feeling of having a girlfriend again. however i am very picky, i doubt i'll find someone i'll really love. because my ideal girl isn't really of today's generation, it's kinda a mix of old and new. i'd like my girlfriend to read a lot of books but can play some games like a pro, just cute, funny, knows what to do in bed, interested in psychology and philosophy, kind, able to threaten me when i'm about to do something wrong, smart.
well maybe not all those, but that's some of what i want. but the most important part is that she can understand me.
i have my friend go out with me on 16th. there will be a festival in the city. i wasn't really planning on going out with her, but since i've been longing for a girlfriend, my capture mode was switched to on. this might be a problem.
my flash drive is finally broken. fortunately i had backed up everything to my phone before it got broken.
i have ebooks that needs to be read at home.
i want to learn japanese but i don't have time.
i have at least 10 games unfinished at home.
i need a new glasses since my vision is worse than it used to be since i spend at least 7+ hours everyday. and i lack sleep.
i haven't been home much.
i might not sleep again tonight.
i might add if i remember something else.
EDIT: i just counted my money and i'm at my limit. damn if only there were still any wired connections available where i live i'll have internet at home.
so i decided to just go home, do some stuff, try to convince my teacher tomorrow to extend my deadline.
and.... i forgot what else i'm going to say.
@goli title: confused. my mind's been a little hazy. i suddenly forgets things even though i just thought of it. and i'm not in the mood to learn jap now. i'm just forcing myself.
now i remembered. it felt good to finally let this out. wanted to cry so many times.
actually, these problems are just the temporary ones. i have main problems in my life. which i'm not gonna tell coz it might start a flame war against me.
i'll just browse the temp a little more. then go home.
but the technical paper should be submitted before 12 midnight. i may make it if i spend the whole three hours but it will add 3 hours more to my work tomorrow which will add up to 13 hours.
and my worst problem is, i can't get Kimi no Iru Machi off my mind. it keeps distracting me and keeps me depressed. i'd like to get help, but for some reason i can't speak up to anyone who knows me personally. that's why i chose to write this blog just to let it out.
i've only slept for 2 hours since yesterday.
i really pity myself. why am i like this?
later when i arrive home and tomorrow morning i will be beck to normal. but my normal isn't the true me, my normal is the me who hides everything and just shows my happy side.
i want someone to help me, but i don't want to be crying for help. probably because the help i get won't have effect if you did it because i told you to. i want someone who doesn't know me to help me without learning from other people that i need help. it's like a test. and i shall treasure someone who can do that.
actually there was someone who already did understand me. he was a psychology student who i treated as an older brother. but he took advantage of me(not physically, money stuff). but even though i discovered that he was just using me, i still can't say no to him. that's why i just avoid him. i'm really weak. very weak.
my blog is a bit confusing since i just want this all out so i can continue my work. so i'm sorry for those who will read this. i'll put you in the trouble of putting the pieces together.
because of Kimi no Iru Machi, i long for the feeling of having a girlfriend again. however i am very picky, i doubt i'll find someone i'll really love. because my ideal girl isn't really of today's generation, it's kinda a mix of old and new. i'd like my girlfriend to read a lot of books but can play some games like a pro, just cute, funny, knows what to do in bed, interested in psychology and philosophy, kind, able to threaten me when i'm about to do something wrong, smart.
well maybe not all those, but that's some of what i want. but the most important part is that she can understand me.
i have my friend go out with me on 16th. there will be a festival in the city. i wasn't really planning on going out with her, but since i've been longing for a girlfriend, my capture mode was switched to on. this might be a problem.
my flash drive is finally broken. fortunately i had backed up everything to my phone before it got broken.
i have ebooks that needs to be read at home.
i want to learn japanese but i don't have time.
i have at least 10 games unfinished at home.
i need a new glasses since my vision is worse than it used to be since i spend at least 7+ hours everyday. and i lack sleep.
i haven't been home much.
i might not sleep again tonight.
i might add if i remember something else.
EDIT: i just counted my money and i'm at my limit. damn if only there were still any wired connections available where i live i'll have internet at home.
so i decided to just go home, do some stuff, try to convince my teacher tomorrow to extend my deadline.
and.... i forgot what else i'm going to say.
@goli title: confused. my mind's been a little hazy. i suddenly forgets things even though i just thought of it. and i'm not in the mood to learn jap now. i'm just forcing myself.
now i remembered. it felt good to finally let this out. wanted to cry so many times.
actually, these problems are just the temporary ones. i have main problems in my life. which i'm not gonna tell coz it might start a flame war against me.
i'll just browse the temp a little more. then go home.
