It’s been more than 7 years now and it still won’t work. May be it’s not the right time or the right thing to do. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve waited for it to come, I’ve sat at my table and given up after reading the horrible sentences I came up with. I’m plain bad and I don’t like it but I don’t do anything to improve. I am not a hard working person. I like to do nothing, just waiting, sitting at my desk looking out the window. I don’t know what to do with my life and I don’t really care honestly because it feels like it doesn’t matter. A part of me is just saying it’s not the right time and another one is telling me I just need to get to it properly, I can’t wait all my life for something to come.
I’ve been reading what others people had to say about it and I don’t understand it either. All their advices doesn’t apply to me because I don’t feel it. May be I should just give up for now, live my life and if in ten years inspiration strike me like it did do Murakami well then I will write that book. I wouldn’t know what to talk about anyway. I just like writing. It’s easy as that and it’s hard as that because I like it and dislike it at the same time. Every time I read something about someone publishing a book they always speak about the way they write or whatever but never about how they actually write the book in itself. Was it hard ? Was it difficult? Was it painful ? Was it so easy that they just don’t remember it ? I bet it’s hard for everyone but we don’t want to think about it anymore, we’re just glad we did it. Well I don’t know... because I can’t write for shit and I’ve never been able to finish more than ten pages.
Yesterday I was reading and in the story the guy learned guitar really good in a year or so, got in a band and started singing so well the band got bigger and bigger. At one point this dude is just going back to his house then the sun shine on him and he felt inspired, he goes back home and writes 2 phrases of a song, just like that and it was good. I felt so annoyed, first because I was jealous, second because does that really happens in life ? Do we get strike down by inspiration ? Sometimes I can feel words or ideas coming easier than unusual but if you don’t do anything about them they just stay ideas. I feel like everyone think it’s easier for the guy next to you but in reality the guy next to you thinks it’s easier for you. I am at a loss for words. I am at a loss for everything. What to do, what to think, what to dream for. Am I just waiting for something that shouldn’t happen to me just because I’ve seen it so many times ? I should remember that books are not real.
I guess one day I’ll know. In the meantime I just hang out.
I’ve been reading what others people had to say about it and I don’t understand it either. All their advices doesn’t apply to me because I don’t feel it. May be I should just give up for now, live my life and if in ten years inspiration strike me like it did do Murakami well then I will write that book. I wouldn’t know what to talk about anyway. I just like writing. It’s easy as that and it’s hard as that because I like it and dislike it at the same time. Every time I read something about someone publishing a book they always speak about the way they write or whatever but never about how they actually write the book in itself. Was it hard ? Was it difficult? Was it painful ? Was it so easy that they just don’t remember it ? I bet it’s hard for everyone but we don’t want to think about it anymore, we’re just glad we did it. Well I don’t know... because I can’t write for shit and I’ve never been able to finish more than ten pages.
Yesterday I was reading and in the story the guy learned guitar really good in a year or so, got in a band and started singing so well the band got bigger and bigger. At one point this dude is just going back to his house then the sun shine on him and he felt inspired, he goes back home and writes 2 phrases of a song, just like that and it was good. I felt so annoyed, first because I was jealous, second because does that really happens in life ? Do we get strike down by inspiration ? Sometimes I can feel words or ideas coming easier than unusual but if you don’t do anything about them they just stay ideas. I feel like everyone think it’s easier for the guy next to you but in reality the guy next to you thinks it’s easier for you. I am at a loss for words. I am at a loss for everything. What to do, what to think, what to dream for. Am I just waiting for something that shouldn’t happen to me just because I’ve seen it so many times ? I should remember that books are not real.
I guess one day I’ll know. In the meantime I just hang out.
