Lali ho. I have something of a moral dilemma on the horizon. Been wracking my brain for three days trying to find a solution to it and so far nothing is clear, so I'm opening up the debate to public opinion. Basically, my uncle died a few days ago. May he rest in peace. I may have had issues with his chosen lifestyle, as he was a highly trained electrician that could have been making a fortune in this city, but he turned to drink instead and basically led a lazy life of cheap drink and tv. But he was also funny and sweet in his own way, always there with advice in my younger years, and if all else fails he'd distract me from my worldly woes by singing a random song about Tigger. No, I don't know why. But I do appreciate it. The problem is with his funeral. I want to go and pay my respects as poor lifestyle choices or not he still had an impact on my life. If nothing else I don't drink excessively so I avoid ending up like him. But anyone who knows me and my eventful history knows that I have some serious issues with that side of my family. In fact recent evidence may prove that they're not in fact my family. Simply put, my daughter Freya has green eyes. This can only happen if I carry the green eyes gene as my eyes are hazel, a dominant trait over green. Since neither of my parents have green eyes and I know absolutely beyond any doubt that my green-eyed wife didn't cheat on me, something in my parentage doesn't add up. That and my mother's a notorious whore. Seriously, she slept with a Sheffield Wednesday supporter, it doesn't sink much lower than that. I've had numerous confrontations over the years with that side of my family. I'm on good terms with my brothers and sister, and by extension their entourages. But pretty much everyone else on that side of the family could die in a dank pit full of rabid weasels and I'd probably literally laugh my ass off and need to go to A+E to have my arse stitched back on. The crowning turd in the waterpipe being my 'father' of debatable validity, Roger. The guy who abandoned me on a doorstep when I was 15. Then stole my dog, left me homeless and threw everything into disarray. Suffice as to say, he's a prick. He is a dong flap of the highest order. He's about as much use to the universe as an acid-coated condom. A dildo with the spike system from Blade's sword built into the bell end. The last time we crossed paths there was bloodshed, police involvement and just a whole mess of trouble, so I'd prefer not to see him again until his own funeral. In short, the dilemma is this; If I go to the funeral, it will inevitably cause a problem. I cannot rely on my family to remain civil, and I seriously doubt I'll be able to hold my tongue either. I'd go with the best of intentions to simply pay my respects and get out before things kick off, but the moment I get there the shit would hit the fan. On the other hand, if I don't go, I avoid the problems and likely the all-out brawl family gatherings tend to turn into, but I dishonour my uncle's memory. And when I say all out brawl, I'm not kidding. The last funeral was a total cataclysm. Everything went wrong, from my MP3 player suddenly deciding to play Dragonforce during the service due to a broken button (Through the Fire and the Flames at my nan's cremation, at least you can't fault the choice of song, and no, I'm not kidding, this honest to god happened, much embarrassment), my aunt spent the whole day complaining about how nobody appreciates her, and then the wake erupted into some sort of amateur Royal Rumble. Any funeral with police involvement didn't go well, let's be honest. And we've gotten worse as a family since then. So, thoughts, opinions, benefit of experience? Do I go and pay my respects at the cost of likely making things worse, or do I avoid it like my ex girlfriend with bubonic plague to bypass the fighting but not pay proper respects to my uncle? Do you think my uncle would really care if I was there to pay my respects or should I find some other way to remember him? I'd really appreciate some feedback here 'cause I have to make a decision fairly soon and after days of thinking on things I'm no closer to an answer.