I need some moral advice.

Discussion in 'General Off-Topic Chat' started by Blaze163, Sep 26, 2015.

?

Do I stay or do I go?

  1. Go pay respects

    90.0%
  2. Stay away

    10.0%
  1. Blaze163
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    Blaze163 The White Phoenix's purifying flame.

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    Lali ho.

    I have something of a moral dilemma on the horizon. Been wracking my brain for three days trying to find a solution to it and so far nothing is clear, so I'm opening up the debate to public opinion.

    Basically, my uncle died a few days ago. May he rest in peace. I may have had issues with his chosen lifestyle, as he was a highly trained electrician that could have been making a fortune in this city, but he turned to drink instead and basically led a lazy life of cheap drink and tv. But he was also funny and sweet in his own way, always there with advice in my younger years, and if all else fails he'd distract me from my worldly woes by singing a random song about Tigger. No, I don't know why. But I do appreciate it.

    The problem is with his funeral. I want to go and pay my respects as poor lifestyle choices or not he still had an impact on my life. If nothing else I don't drink excessively so I avoid ending up like him. But anyone who knows me and my eventful history knows that I have some serious issues with that side of my family. In fact recent evidence may prove that they're not in fact my family. Simply put, my daughter Freya has green eyes. This can only happen if I carry the green eyes gene as my eyes are hazel, a dominant trait over green. Since neither of my parents have green eyes and I know absolutely beyond any doubt that my green-eyed wife didn't cheat on me, something in my parentage doesn't add up. That and my mother's a notorious whore. Seriously, she slept with a Sheffield Wednesday supporter, it doesn't sink much lower than that.

    I've had numerous confrontations over the years with that side of my family. I'm on good terms with my brothers and sister, and by extension their entourages. But pretty much everyone else on that side of the family could die in a dank pit full of rabid weasels and I'd probably literally laugh my ass off and need to go to A+E to have my arse stitched back on. The crowning turd in the waterpipe being my 'father' of debatable validity, Roger. The guy who abandoned me on a doorstep when I was 15. Then stole my dog, left me homeless and threw everything into disarray. Suffice as to say, he's a prick. He is a dong flap of the highest order. He's about as much use to the universe as an acid-coated condom. A dildo with the spike system from Blade's sword built into the bell end. The last time we crossed paths there was bloodshed, police involvement and just a whole mess of trouble, so I'd prefer not to see him again until his own funeral.

    In short, the dilemma is this; If I go to the funeral, it will inevitably cause a problem. I cannot rely on my family to remain civil, and I seriously doubt I'll be able to hold my tongue either. I'd go with the best of intentions to simply pay my respects and get out before things kick off, but the moment I get there the shit would hit the fan. On the other hand, if I don't go, I avoid the problems and likely the all-out brawl family gatherings tend to turn into, but I dishonour my uncle's memory. And when I say all out brawl, I'm not kidding. The last funeral was a total cataclysm. Everything went wrong, from my MP3 player suddenly deciding to play Dragonforce during the service due to a broken button (Through the Fire and the Flames at my nan's cremation, at least you can't fault the choice of song, and no, I'm not kidding, this honest to god happened, much embarrassment), my aunt spent the whole day complaining about how nobody appreciates her, and then the wake erupted into some sort of amateur Royal Rumble. Any funeral with police involvement didn't go well, let's be honest.

    And we've gotten worse as a family since then.

    So, thoughts, opinions, benefit of experience? Do I go and pay my respects at the cost of likely making things worse, or do I avoid it like my ex girlfriend with bubonic plague to bypass the fighting but not pay proper respects to my uncle? Do you think my uncle would really care if I was there to pay my respects or should I find some other way to remember him?

    I'd really appreciate some feedback here 'cause I have to make a decision fairly soon and after days of thinking on things I'm no closer to an answer.
     
  2. PokeAcer

    PokeAcer Banned

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    I think you should go, just to pay your respects. If the family start complaining, try to hold your tongue, and walk out if they keep saying stuff.
     
  3. Blaze163
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    Blaze163 The White Phoenix's purifying flame.

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    It's not saying stuff I'm worried about, their opinions mean precisely dick to me. It's the inevitable violence. Especially if my wife is there as support. She's pretty zealous about defending me. The moment my 'dad' starts something, and I'm pretty certain he will, she'd smash him in the face with a chair like it's WWE's Fight of the Night.
     
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  4. PokeAcer

    PokeAcer Banned

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    Start something as in violence?
    If so, it's not the best of ideas, but you need to pay respects, and if your 'family' start anything they are not there to pay their respects, they are just there, essentially waiting for you to arrive to punch you.
     
  5. Vipera

    Vipera Banned

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    You mean you think you're adopted/your mom is a slut yet you've never done a DNA test?

    Also, I'd say just go. Don't do it for them, do it for your uncle.
     
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  6. Blaze163
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    Blaze163 The White Phoenix's purifying flame.

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    I've not done a DNA test because until Iearned how eye colour works I didn't have anything close to conclusivve evidence.

    I guess I could at least go in the hope that people remain civil. History tells us they won't be, but I suppose I shouldn't totally discount the possibility of a miracle.
     
  7. T-hug

    T-hug Always like this.

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    I think you should go to the service and not bother with whatever else there is after. It won't be long and no one will start anything at the actual service.
     
  8. Blaze163
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    Blaze163 The White Phoenix's purifying flame.

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    If I had faith that nobody would start a fight at the service, this wouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately my family has enough pricks to keep Jeremy Kyle on air for another year minimum. They've started actual fights at the church before.
     
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  9. LoggerMan

    LoggerMan GBAtemp Fan

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    Get a test done, maybe you are mistaken, or if you're not then you won't have to go through the trauma of denials and stuff.
     
  10. Blaze163
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    Blaze163 The White Phoenix's purifying flame.

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    To be honest it doesn't really matter to me. Regardless of my origins, I am what I am. I disconnected from the family because of what they did to me, but I fought long and hard to recover from the damage they caused. Now I'm free of them so I don't see how discovering the truth one way or the other would have any significant impact.

    Whether I go or not, our decision as a family to keep Freya as far from them as possible still stands. They fucked up their own kids, I won't have them screw up mine, so Freya won't be attending regardless of the outcome of this discussion. Still not sure whether or not my presence means my wife's presence. Much like me going or not going, it's complicated. She'd be valuable support for me but she's more volatile than me, especially around certain members of the family. She once yelled hysterical abuse at my aunt during Christmas dinner for her not listening to everyone's request that she drop her ridiculous nickname for me. She's always wanted revenge against the old man for all the damage he caused me and by extension caused her because when I got dumped on a doorstep as a teenager she was suddenly alone. I suspect that while she'll not actively start a fight, she'll certainly end it. And I'd hate for one funeral to turn into many after she hurls the old man into traffic.
     
  11. FAST6191

    FAST6191 Techromancer

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    Blogging in off topic again?

    Sounds like my kind of guy, and indeed more than a few of my friends. I will make a respectful nod to his passing.

    Anyway if you feel you want to go I reckon the advice already given of turn up for the ceremony, leave at the moment it ends and avoid the bun fight after. If you fear you lack the impulse control to deal with your family when in wind up mode then such know ceremonies are mainly for the living, not the dead. If he is to be buried/have a plaque put some flowers there, if not then consider some charitable stuff if you want.
     
  12. Hells Malice

    Hells Malice Are you a bully?

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    Hahahaha oh Blaze never change.

    I hope I wasn't the only one like "This is normal so far...when is he gonna Blaze it?"
    Probably was though. Too many fresh posters.
    Anyway I wasn't disappointed at least. Story Time with Blaze is always a good read even if it is a bit too over-the-top in most cases.
     
  13. moerik

    moerik GBAtemp Regular

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    Go pay respects tomorrow? When none of them are there?
     
  14. Blaze163
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    Blaze163 The White Phoenix's purifying flame.

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    I like this answer. It bypasses the problem entirely. I'm asssuming with my uncle being dead already he has bigger issues to deal with than me being there at some ultimately arbitrary time. Most of the reasonable members of my family (all three of them, maybe four if there's a cousin I forgot or something) will likely understand. Uncle gets his respects, I avoid conflict, whatever they do to each other at the funeral is none of my business. Perfect. Why didn't I think of it? It seems to obvious in retrospect.
     
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